The Post Christmas/Pre-Holiday Blog Dump

Ok, all you folks out there in teh internets. I'm heading out for a couple of weeks and you can just forget about any kind of updating on the blog. I have better things to do in Ireland than sit in internet cafes (although my parents seem to think I should be emailing them every day - right). To keep you amused, here are the links that I've found over the last few weeks.

on Flickr - Photo Sharing!
My favorite internet-celebrity hedgehog, Clementine, having her picture taken for Xmas:


A couple more signs I'd like to add to the hedgie collection:
Duvberg on Flickr - Photo Sharing!


on Flickr - Photo Sharing!


And, in the best of all possible worlds: Hedgehog graffiti:
Hedgehog and boomboxes on Flickr - Photo Sharing!


Cute Overload! :)
The best Cute Overload of Late:
You're sucking my eyeball out (I love giraffes!)
Dainty Paws (hegie-licious)
Waaaay too many joke possibilities

And of course, the best from I Can Has Cheezburger. I'm not sure how I'd get through the day without the laughs ICHC provides me....
Ur flavr. It hurtz me. « Lolcats ‘n’ Funny Pictures - I Can Has Cheezburger?
My interest « Lolcats ‘n’ Funny Pictures - I Can Has Cheezburger?
the hand « Lolcats ‘n’ Funny Pictures - I Can Has Cheezburger?
the modelz « Lolcats ‘n’ Funny Pictures - I Can Has Cheezburger?
curious kitteh « Lolcats ‘n’ Funny Pictures - I Can Has Cheezburger?
BACON « Lolcats ‘n’ Funny Pictures - I Can Has Cheezburger?
This is the pick of the month!!


The best posts from some of my favorite blogs:
Pre-holiday Fluff Cavalcade Five: A Very Obese Bird « Shapely Prose
The Future Ain’t Bright - Fat Doctor
Greta Christina's Blog: "The Lord is spanking us"
Life, What the hell is going on?: Stoopid People.
Life, What the hell is going on?: Just a thought...
Life, What the hell is going on?: Quick! Get the Lysol!
Out of Character: P.S. Fire everyone in your marketing department immediately.
SNAFU-ed .... Subtle Butt Disposable Gas Neutralizers: $9.95 for Peace of Mind
SNAFU-ed .... Need a Good Holiday Gift? "Reserve a Spot in Heaven" for a Friend!
Spaghetti Harvest » Crazy is not as crazy does.

John A. Wheeler

"If you haven't found something strange during the day, it hasn't been much of a day."

• Link

SheFinds.com - A Body Scrub That Really Works


From Overheard in the Office:

Chewbacca's Agent Finally Snaps

By Djlindee
on Employees

Worker bee: Your poor interpersonal communication skills are not my fault. They are my problem, because I have to deal with you, but they are not my fault.

519 Westport Parkway
Grapevine, Texas

Overheard by: DeadEyeDusty

Relax -- That's Just Canadian for "Good Morning"

By Djlindee
on Customer Service

Overworked CSR: Sir, at any point in our conversation today did I provide you with my name?
Customer: No.
Overworked CSR: Good -- fuck you [hangs up].

Toronto, Ontario
Canadia

Allow Me to Demonstrate

By Djlindee
on Dumb Employees

Manager: What motivates you to do your best job possible?
Interviewee: Well, I don't do anything half-assed... Yeah, I like to put my whole ass into everything I do.

1158 Howard Street
San Francisco, California

Overheard by: Kirsten

From Overheard in New York:

But My Bench Press Is Up 50 Pounds!

Girl #1: Are you going to call me on my birthday? Huh? Huh?
Girl #2: What is it, the 23rd?
Girl #1: No!
Girl #2: Oh, the 24th.
Girl #1: Yeah.. If my friends don't blindfold me and get me wasted...
Girl
#2: Oh... Yeah, I will call you. Listen, I'm sorry I'm not more chatty.
I just got out of the hospital and the doctors put me on steroids,
which have the unfortunate effect of turning me into a total cunt.

--Olive Garden, Times Square

How Could You Not Love This Town?

Cashier: How are you?
Customer: Do you want the honest answer?
Cashier: Yes.
Customer:
I feel like the business end of a donkey. I am extremely hungover and
did a mountain of cocaine last night. Now I have to make dinner for a
68-year-old gay artist who is trying to fuck me.
Cashier: I'm... sorry.
Customer:
And the woman I love is in another state pregnant with her
ex-boyfriend's baby, and I wish the baby was mine. And I'm sleeping
with a dominatrix. And it's all true.

--Whole Foods

Difficult to Flatter, Too

Girl with petition: You look like a nice guy!
Suit: You're fucking right I am! [Keeps walking.]

--68th & Broadway

Overheard by: Pierre Fresnay

The Giant Ones Who Live in the Sewers Are Especially Nasty

Queer #1: Christians are the most vile creatures on this planet.
Queer #2: Shhh... They'll hear you!

--13th St, between Greenwich & 7th Ave

From Overheard Everywhere:

She Won't Accept the Solution I Worked Out

Nerdy Asian guy: My friend is having a problem...
Drunk Asian guy: Can you solve it with your penis?

UCLA
California

Overheard by: Amused

The Cell Reception Is Atrocious

Frustrated
mom: For the love of God, stop crying! If you don't stop, I'm going to
shove you back in my uterus, close my legs, and never let you out!
Crying little boy: No! I don't like it in there!

San Francisco, California

The Best from Boing Boing:
Web Zen: bacon zen - Boing Boing
KnitML: standards-defined knitting patterns - Boing Boing
Injured hedgehogs and cute/sad photo - Boing Boing
Collector asks for your 1968 pennies - Boing Boing
Secret photo archives of the Mutter Museum: haunting book of Victorian pathological curiosities - Boing Boing


http://fantasygoat.livejournal.com/


http://loltheist.com/2007/12/21/may-his-noodly-appendage-grace-your-drapes-this-season/

Honey, this one is for you. I know you love this sign:

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I have been neglecting the link-y goodness

Holy shit, how is it possibly already the end of November? Now that YEAR END is upon us, I need to actually start getting myself together...not only do I have a metric fuck-ton of work, but in four short weeks I am heading to IRELAND for my honeymoon...and I have nothing planned thus far. :)

So, while I procrastinate a bit more (this time from doing laundry), here are a whole bunch of links I've saved up over the last few weeks.

Embroidery Swap - Patch #4 on Flickr - Photo Sharing!

Awesome. Free form, or a pattern? Should I get out my rusty embroidery skills and try this one out? Wait...wasn't I the one just talking about too much to do??

Wait. Even more awesome: hedgie graffiti

hedgehog on Flickr - Photo Sharing!

Here is me on a swelly day:

Cute Overload! :)



A Story: I haz one.
I saw this picture and thought of one of my high school boyfriends, Chad. He was such a terrible kisser that on our last date, when we had driven up to the lake to make out, I actually said things like, "My goodness...it's almost 8 o'clock. I'd better be getting home!" Yes, that bad. This is kind of what he looked like when he was coming at me for a kiss:
Sweet, crying Baby Jebus, do I love I Can Has Cheezburger. Here's another one, which perfectly describes my day at work:
i try to put on a happy face « Lolcats ‘n’ Funny Pictures - I Can Has Cheezburger?


And some links from the fatosphere. Have I mentioned lately how much happier I am since I decided to love myself just the way I am?
Jumping Through Hoops for Health Insurance | Big Fat Blog
Bias, much? at BABble
Big Fat Delicious: I'm in health warning fatigue: opinion
F-Words: Technically it's not evil - just monstrous
Every Woman Has an Eating Disorder: The Vagina Dialogues
Reality vs. Relativism « Shapely Prose
Body frustration at BABble

And in the crafty goodness world, this is just plain awesome. It's like a crafty advent calendar....whip up » Blog Archive » A Month of Tutorials

Here's how to give a gift to a reader...or not....Bibliolatry: Bibliolatrist's Holiday Gift Guide, 2007

The Hamster Wheel: Overheard
I especially like the picture that he choose to go with it...

Will Durst

"I hate the outdoors. To me the outdoors is where the car is."

not martha
Must remember to use these recipes...and then put the finished goods in these boxes....

What I’ve learned from cats: Davezilla

Dilbert Comic Strip Archive - Dilbert.com - The Official Dilbert Website by Scott Adams - Dilbert, Dogbert and Coworkers!


LOLTheist: Blasphemy is Teh Funneh » Blog Archive » Today Wisconsin, tommorrow the world!


LOLTheist: Blasphemy is Teh Funneh » Blog Archive » Billboard, billboard on the wall, who’s the mightiest of them all?



Consumer Reports corrects "restless leg" drug TV ad - Boing Boing
And THIS, gentle readers, is one of the many reasons that drug companies should not be allowed to advertise. This restless leg syndrome and chronic dry eye....why aren't we working on real fucking diseases?? I better have one of these to calm me down...

A sign that is posted at my work. Ok, it's not, but it should be:
















My mom and I like to go to antique shows/flea markets. At the ones at the Fairgrounds, and sometimes elsewhere, there is a dealer that has a "garden shed." Gosh, if I didn't know better, I'd think that the two holes in the handy "shelf" were for another purpose...I saw this on my Mpls. Flickr feed this morning, and it made me think that this would be the perfect urban "garden shed".
DSC_1284 on Flickr - Photo Sharing!

So, I thought the best bacon gig in town was the Bacon Happy Hour, but now I find out at about this at Manny's....Best Bacon Ever on Flickr - Photo Sharing!


Damn Cool Pics: The Hanging Coffins of Sagada

Woman dies from religious snakebite incident, family sues hospital at Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster

an affirmation of hope at Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster


license plate at Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster



In America, Nonbelievers Find Strength in Numbers at Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster

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Old, Old Ones

Boing Boing: People committing eternal sin on YouTube

The topic of some debate on Flickr - Photo Sharing!
I'm for dessert.


And what would the weekly blog dump be without Love Graffiti?
buddha*hearts on Flickr - Photo Sharing!

The Vatican's product recall. - By Timothy Noah - Slate Magazine

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Moving....

....Blogger isn't doing it for me either. Upon recommendation and research, I'm moving on up to Wordpress. You can now see me here: http://dihasstories.wordpress.com/

C'mon...go there.

(Well, at least set up your RSS feed...nothing new is there yet. I'm moving all the archives and stuff over...)

Avoidance of Real Work with a Quiz

Your EQ is 140

50 or less: Thanks for answering honestly. Now get yourself a shrink, quick! 51-70: When it comes to understanding human emotions, you'd have better luck understanding Chinese. 71-90: You've got more emotional intelligence than the average frat boy. Barely. 91-110: You're average. It's easy to predict how you'll react to things. But anyone could have guessed that. 111-130: You usually have it going on emotionally, but roadblocks tend to land you on your butt. 131-150: You are remarkable when it comes to relating with others. Only the biggest losers get under your skin. 150+: Two possibilities - you've either out "Dr. Phil-ed" Dr. Phil... or you're a dirty liar.

What's Your EQ (Emotional Intelligence Quotient)?

I had no idea I was this freaking adorable

More questions from my Fluffy Ruffles, Sarah

1) Airline carryon regulations being what they are, let's imagine that in the not-too-distant future, you aren't allowed to carry any luggage on board - only that which can fit in your pockets or on your person. You win a trip to Australia (which you decide you are going to take). What few essentials come on the plane with you?

Luckily, I have lots of room on my person, and things with pockets (or that would shortly have pockets should this become an issue). First and foremost: video iPod for movies, songs, and the last month of This American Life. A mass-market-sized book. A small knitting project. Lip balm. Hey, that’s about all I take on a plane anyway!

2) Pickles or olives, and why?

I don’t see any particular reason to discriminate against either. I am apparently one of the very few people that loves both. Give me green olives to eat on their own, black on a pizza, and pickles under almost any circumstances.

3) Do you remember your first @yahoo/@hotmail/etc. address? If so, what was it? Do you remember when you got it, and why you picked that name?

It was “linnehan” – my first email address at Mankato State. Email was still all new and shit, so I didn’t really know what I was signing up for! I picked that name because (duh) it was my last name, and I didn’t know I could do anything cool. Later that year they got all standardized and picked our names for us. Boo.

4) Describe the outfit you are least proud of being photographed in. (bonus points if the photograph still exists. You win if you can post that photo on your blog).

There are so many bad photographs of me that exist that I can’t really begin to name them all. This one, though, is way up on the list of Horrible…I’m not sure what possessed me to think that way too big pink dress, with pink stockings, and black shoes was a good idea. I may look like hell most of the time, but at least I’ve learned not to do this again. (PS: I win)

5) After reeling about in anarchy for an undisclosed amount of time, your close friends and allies establish the new world order of government in your country. They ask you to take a governmental leadership role. Which role do they ask you to take, and why?

Fucking A! It’s about time we were in charge of the world! I’d have to say that my job would be Chief Kvetcher. I don’t really want to work that hard, but I’m sure gonna bitch about everything!

Questions from the Lovely Jana

1. suppose, for totally moral but still illegal reasons, you've killed a man. where do you hide the body?

It kinda depends on how I’ve killed him, and what marks it’s left. If I’ve been smart, and made it look like a natural death (what with all the access I have to do things like that), I’d leave him at home, looking like he croaked in front of the TV or in bed. If I’ve done some damage, then I’m gonna want him somewhere that he’s going to rot soon…maybe the woods, with a bit of acid for good measure, a la the Romanovs?

2. if you were only allowed 3 pairs of shoes for the rest of your life, what shoes would they be and why?
Frankly, I hate shoes, and pretty much only have three pair anyway. This is easy! One pair of squishy comfortable sandals, one pair of squishy comfortable boots (probably knee-high so I can wear them with both pants and skirts, since they are my only winter pair) and one pair of black dress shoes.

3. if, instead of going to work next monday, you had to relive a day from your childhood, what would it be?
The day that my parents announced that they were getting divorced, and asked who I wanted to live with. I totally should have gone with my dad. Ah, well.

4. suppose that through a combination of apocalyptic disaster and spontaneous collective memory loss, the human race no longer has the means or knowledge to brew beer. what do you drink when you get home from work?
Although I enjoy a good beer, my tummy doesn’t like it s’much, so as long as we are still creating wine and Bailey’s, I’ll be all good.

5. the perfect chocolate chip cookie: chewy or crunchy?

The perfect chocolate chip cookie is made by the recipe I got from my mother, which is basically a bunch of chocolate chips and nuts held together by a bit of sugar and butter. They are neither chewy or crispy, but that perfect in-between consistency. Mmmm…..

Want your own list of five questions? Drop me a comment and ask for them!

Damn, I love I Can Has Cheezburger

Check out the original here.

40 Questions

I got this from Blog Blah Blah, and it said it was forty questions…but I only got 39…I think someone edited along the way!

(1) My uncle once…hung my favorite stuffed animal, a pig named Amanda, from my grandparent’s kitchen table light. That was more than once! He also sent me a nephew card cause it was cheaper, and never shared his sausages in the morning. J

(2) Never in my life…have I been to New York City.

(3) When I was five…my parents got divorced, and my mom and I moved to Minnesota.

(4) High school was...a highly overrated experience, in three states.

(5) I will never forget…my three rules.

(6) I once met…Dean Hagland, who was Langley on The X-Files

(7) There’s this girl I know who…will drop everything to discuss poo with me.

(8) Once, at a bar…I threw my bra at the piano player.

(9) By none, I’m usually…ready for a nap, and to go home.

(10)Last night….I made a new chicken recipe that was quite fantastic, and went shopping with my beloved.

(11)If I only had…someone buy the condo.

(12)Next time I go to church…somebody is probably dead.

(13)Terry Shiavo…should not have become a political entity.

(14)What worries me most is…I won’t do everything that I set out to do in life.

(15)When I turn my head left, I see…pictures of my loved ones, and some work that I’m avoiding.

(16)When I turn my head right, I see…my calendar, my awesome pen holder, and my nifty new mousepad. Oh, and the phone, which I am trying to ignore.

(17)You know I’m lying when…I tell you how very much I love my job, and how I don’t mind that the condo hasn’t sold in more than seven months on the market.

(18)What I miss most about the eighties…hair bands.

(19) If I was a character in Shakespeare, I’d be…trying out all those great Elizabethan curses.

(20)By this time next year…we’ll be in a new house, and working on a family.

(21)A better name for me would be…Swelly McGrumpersons

(22) I have a hard time understanding…people who are such assholes to people they don’t know.

(23) If I ever go back to school, I’ll…finally have figured out what interests me enough to spend that kind of time and money on.

(24) You know I like you if…I try to make you laugh.

(25) If I ever won an award, the first person I’d thank would be…my beloved.

(26) Darwin, Mozart, Slim Pickens & Geraldine Ferraro…turtles, crazy drunk, who?, should have been the first woman VP, but Americans are too dumb.

(27) Take my advice, never…try to tell anyone anything.

(28) A song I love, but do not own is…Lady in Red

(29) If you visit my hometown, I suggest…turning around and leaving posthaste.

(30) Tulips, character flaws, microchips & track stars…on my desktop, I have lots, I’d like to not have one in me please, comfortable shoes.

(31) Why won’t people…stop being such assholes?

(32) If you spend the night at my house…you’ll have to sleep on the floor.

(33) I’d stop my wedding for…the groom not showing up. Thankfully, he did!

(34) The world could do without… disrespect

(35) I’d rather lick the belly of a cockroach than…ride a roller coaster

(36) My favorite blonde is…Carla

(37) Paper clips are more useful than…the training I got for our new system

(38) If I do anything well, it’s…keep people laughing.

(39) And, by the way…you should do this too.

Oh, Yeah. That's MY Sister!

U of M team wins college quiz bowl again

For the third time in four years, a team from the University of Minnesota has won the national college quiz bowl title.

Last update: May 08, 2007 – 9:07 PM

For the third time in four years, a team from the University of Minnesota has won the national college quiz bowl title.

In a tense back-and-forth final, the U's five-student team beat the University of Southern California in the College Bowl National Championships in Los Angeles over the weekend. Southern Cal was one of three teams the U lost to earlier in the 16-team round-robin tournament.

The U's new trophy joins awards won for national championships in 1984, 1987, 1989, 2004 and 2005.

This year's quiz bowl captain was Andrew Bockover, a senior history and political science major from Rapid City, S.D. Other team members were: Robert Carson, a freshman from Chaska who is studying computer science; Andrew Hart, a freshman from Chanhassen; Meredith Johnson, a junior linguistics major from Edina, and Ezra Lyon, a graduate student in ecology, evolution and behavior from Illinois. He was named to the tournament's all-star team.

College bowl is an extracurricular activity at the U. The question-and-answer game tests general knowledge and quick recall of topics ranging from current events to sports and popular culture.

MARY JANE SMETANKA

© 2007 Star Tribune. All rights reserved.

New blog

I'm moving all my bitching about my fat ass over to my new weight loss tracking blog. If you care, check it out here.

Blargh

This weekend was supposed to be all full of relaxing and just hanging out with my sweetie, but as usual, it just didn’t work out that way. We ran all over doing errands, and then Jeff slept most of Saturday because his sleep schedule has been so screwed up due to all the showing and other stuff interrupting his regular times. Sunday he slept until about two (see above reason, plus he had to work Sunday night), and then we went to his parents’ for a while. I like them just fine, but it’s not exactly a relaxing, quality time thing.

Yesterday I had the day off work because I was going to Mayo to get my test results, and was able to schedule the interview for My Dream Job that afternoon. I woke up at the usual time, drove down to Rochester and…

…nothing. The blood tests didn’t come out as we were hoping, which means that I can’t get into any clinical studies to get the good drugs now. I also worry, since my “official” diagnosis isn’t matching up with what we think is wrong anecdotally, that I may not be able to get the good stuff when it comes out later this year/beginning of next.

I know it’s whiney, and there are lots more people that have worse things wrong with them, but I’m tired of being sick, tired of knowing what will work for me, and not being able to get it. And the fact that it’s so close at hand, and I may still not be able to get it makes me want to drink heavily.

So, on the way home from hearing that good news, I called Jeff and he had just found out that Hackey McSnorey’s apartment is up for sale again…for only four grand more than our asking price, and the re-done inside is (and I quote the lovely Sarah), fucking gorgeous.

I hate Hackey McSnorey.

So, on to more strategizing with the realtor. Boo.

And, something else came up, but it’s not my story to share, so I’m not going to. But let’s just say that when my friends suffer, I ache with them. My heart is a bit broken today.

The only good thing for yesterday was that I had an interview for My Dream Job, and I think it went well. I was a bit headachy and tired (oh, yeah, I’m not sleeping again), so I hope I did ok. They are interviewing one more person, and then will bring the finalists back for a second round, and a decision will be made at the end of next week. Keep all fingers and toes crossed for me!!!

Commando

Today, for the first day in my adult life, I am so covered in hives that I had to go commando, as I have hives in the place elastic should be. I know that some women do this all the time, but I have to say I DON’T LIKE IT.

I always knew I wouldn't be a good wife

This Chunk of Time's Blog Dump

Life, What the hell is going on?: More from the Bloody Stupid Files

It is things like these that make me weep for the future of the human race.





Citizen of the Month » Lillies of the Valley

Lillies of the Valley are my very favorite flower, and I was excited to see a song all about them!





Boing Boing: Petition to restore habeas corpus



Life, What the hell is going on?: Legal System = Broken

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May 8th is the BEST DAY EVER

From Does Today Suck?

1886 - Coca-Cola is sold for the first time. - COOL
Interesting Side Note: Only 8 bottles of the soda was sold for the first 8 months.

So, so sad that I again gave up Coke for a few weeks on my journey to break up with my gut. I'd hoist one in celebration!

Best Conversation of the Day

Sarah: I need to wander over to st. thomas to pick up my cap and gown (!) over lunch today. Want to come with me? I'm buying lunch while I'm over there...

Di: I'm up for a walk, but started the diet today, so I brought lunch. Me and my gut are breaking up. :)

Sarah: word. I always thought your gut was kind of a selfish whore anyway. ;)

Room

Last night, my beloved and I had a marital tiff. I’m not going air my laundry here (although I did actually do some real laundry last night, so that was good. You can feel free to breathe the air around me now), and will only say that things are fine between us.

However, it did some to light that Jeff is concerned about how my previous marriage affects ours. We were talking about limits, and how I need him to tell me where his are, and not to be passive aggressive about his needs. He, in return, told me that he usually lets me do whatever I want to do because (a) he doesn’t have a problem with it, and I have better ideas to keep us occupied than he does, and (b) he is always mindful of the fact that FW did limit and control me, and that we’ve discussed how much it frustrates me.

Later last night, I was waiting for the end of my laundry to dry (have I mentioned lately that I can’t wait to have my own laundry machines, so that I don’t have to wait for the neighbors to quit hogging the dryers, and so that I can do laundry any damn time I please?), so sat down to have a little KOL time, and listen to some This American Life.

I was listening to the episode called The Missing Parents Bureau, and was intrigued by this story:

Case Two. Tell it to the Void. We hear a series of letters that originally appeared on the brief-lived, little-known, but well-loved webzine Open Letters. They're written by a woman who signs her name as \"X\" and are addressed to the father of her adolescent son. X has no idea where to send the letters ... but she keeps writing. Since the letters' original publication on the Internet, X has decided to reveal her identity. Her name is Miriam Toews, and her book is called Swing Low, A Life. Her letters were read for us by Alexa Junge. (17 minutes)

Yes, it was interesting because, well, everything Ira does is interesting. And it tapped into my memories of not really knowing where my father was for 22 years, and whether my mother had any regret or feelings about that like this woman did. But what really grabbed me was this line:

You take up a lot of room for a guy who's not here.

yes

Yes

YES!

FW and I have been apart for more than three years. We had a terrible marriage. We had a fairly nasty divorce. And yet I am still learning from and trying not to repeat the mistakes that I made with him. I constantly have to remind myself that Jeff is NOT FW, will not treat me like FW, and even when he’s being a (very occasional) dick, it’s not for the same reasons. This man loves me and respects me and is committed to me, forever. He is not capable of doing the things to me that FW did.

I was fully aware of my own issues regarding my previous marriage, and they have resurfaced a bit as I am now married again. What I didn’t know was the Jeff was always conscious of that as well, and that HE is trying not to be the kind of husband that he thinks I had before.

I’ve heard that, in Christian crowds, one believes that the marriage is made up of three: you, him, and Jesus. I don’t want any deities in my bedroom, thankyouverymuch, but it never occurred to me that this trinity idea was absolutely correct – except that our third is my ex-husband.

I’m lucky in that Jeff has no prior long term relationships, and therefore comes to our marriage relatively baggage-free. We could have a crowd of folks in our bedroom, but instead it’s just the three of us.

When do I get to let this go? When will our marriage be just the two of us? How is it that someone I no longer know, don’t have communication with, and have been away from for years still takes up so much room in my life?

Spring Has Sprung!

White lilacs
Originally uploaded by Dee Pix.

In the last few days, the leaves and flowers have really been popping around town. This is one of my favorite times of year...I love walking home after work with the smell of lilacs and honeysuckle in the air.

Welcome, Spring!

Welcome Back to Third Grade

I was just talking to some co-workers about one of the girl’s recent trip to Germany (she just got back) and our supervisor came over and told us to break it up, unless we were all taking our breaks, in which case they were about over.

WTF?

Over the last few months, we have been noticing more and more that we are back in third grade. Even though I am one of the highest performers in the department, I have gotten in “trouble” for “socializing” with my co-workers. Does it affect my volume of work? No – even though I have more assigned to me than anyone else, I can usually get everything done in about two hours. I am literally paid to sit here, and do nothing (that’s why you’ve been getting so many long, long blog posts lately, gentle reader).

Frankly, being able to see other people is one of the main reasons that I work outside the home, instead of having a home-based job. I did that for a while, and I got lonely. I’m an extrovert – I like to have people around me. But the corporate culture that we are in is making it harder and harder to have even casual relationships at work…”socializing” is stealing from the company, and not to be tolerated.

(That being said, because my supervisor is a really nice guy, he just sent us all an email apologizing for breaking up our chat, and that he only came over because someone complained. Seriously? First, get the fuck over yourself. Second, if you have an issue with noise, then stand up and tell us to shut up yourselves. Don’t go running to Daddy to take care of it. I’m not only in third grade, but in third grade in Edina.)

Considering that Organization For Which I Work prides itself on being an organization that “builds relationships” with our members, the very fact that we are not allowed to build relationships with each other is confusing. This is a company of about 200 people, and I can probably only name about 50 of the people that I’d run into in the halls. The departments do not intermingle, and fraternization is not encouraged. In fact, a new policy just took effect that you if you get married to another employee, one of you has to quit. Married people or relatives are not allowed to work here…even in entirely different departments, different roles, with no supervision over the other. So, even though I work with customer service, my husband could not work in the mailroom, and my dad can’t be the corporate trainer.

Is this normal? Are other companies simply expecting you to sit in your cubicle, never talk to you co-workers, and yet build “relationships” with the members? How can I be the best friend of the member in Idaho if I don’t know the last name of the woman in the next cubicle?

Give me your thoughts on this!

Chuck Norris

I don't know why this Chuck Norris thing strikes me as so funny, but it surely does.



To read a bunch more about Chuck Norris, go here.

GreenDimes

Hey folks! Check this out!

I discovered a really cool website about a man and his family trying to make a zero net impact on the earth for one year, and found GreenDimes through a comment on how to get rid of junk mail. Sign up here. For only $36 per year, you can eliminate up to 90% of your junk mail, and they plant one tree a month for you. Awesome!

Seek Not…And Ye Shall Find

meh
Originally uploaded by Яick Harris.

All you single girls out there know this line….Stop looking. As soon as you stop looking, you’ll find him/her. During my stints as a single gal, looking for the Love of My Life, I heard that a million times.

To tell the truth, I thought it was complete shit. I have always been more of a Chance favors the prepared mind sort of girl.

Well, Karma, you’ve shown me who’s boss again.

As we all know, I hate my job. And then I got a call from Kelli, regarding a recruiter position. While I was updating my resume for that, I got a call for my Dream Job: internal benefits with other HR stuff, part time, flexible. While I was at home the afternoon I was supposed to be interviewing (I got rescheduled because the lady I was supposed to talk to is barfing…I’ll see her Friday), I got a call on another job – the same thing I did before here, but for $20K more. I always told Tim I was underpaid.

Oh, did I mention that I have not applied for any jobs in months, nor have I even bothered to update my resume?

While I was busy not looking for a job, we were working on selling the condo. That wasn’t going terribly well, so we decided to try another realtor. We told our old realtor about that on Thursday, and we were supposed to be off the market the next day.

Then, on Monday, I got two requests for showings.

Turns out, we didn’t go off the market until yesterday, and we were getting this interest because another condo in the building went on the market. We were thinking about keeping ours off until that one sold, but OH! It rented this morning, and will not be on the market until at least September. And Hackey McSnorey’s is still undergoing renovation, so he’s off too. We’re the only game in…well, that building, unless you want to spend sixty grand more for an extra bedroom.

And, just to sweeten the deal, we won some sort of drawing with our mortgage broker. Presents!

So, there you go. I decided to hang out at my job for a while, and have three on the table. We take our condo off the market, and get two showings.

I’ll take luck wherever I can get it!

My Blog Worth

My blog is worth $1,693.62.
How much is your blog worth?

How do I get paid for this??

This Week's Links - with MORE love graffiti!

For the last few months, random acts of love graffiti have been showing up around Minneapolis. I heart it. There's one right by our abode, on the retaining wall of the duplex that we refer to as The Monks' House. (There used to be at least one Buddhist monk living there, until the community sold out and moved to Elk River. (Even the monks are moving to the burbs, man.) Anywho, here is the latest love graffiti that showed up on Flickr this morning:

6-23-07 on a lamppost on Flickr - Photo Sharing!
Hanging Hearts on Flickr - Photo Sharing!
all smiles on Flickr - Photo Sharing!
again with the buddha hearts on Flickr - Photo Sharing!

The strange noises we make: Kind of a love story
I love Chronic Babe...it's a website about how to be sick but still be cool and young. I know that when I think about my medical issues it makes me feel like an old woman, but Chronic Babe helps me deal with it in style. For example, it's where I found out how to get a super-cool MedicAlert bracelet without making me look 90.

Anywho, this story cracked me up not only because of the noise, and the documentation of how funny things get to be inside jokes in a marriage (and friendship, for that matter), but because it reminded me of a woman that I used to work with at the hospital, who would sit in her office and moan until I would come running to see what she wanted...usually computer help. Irr.i.ta.ting. For the love of FSM, please don't do that to anyone.

Everyone Needs Therapy: Obesity Wars
Great. Now states are putting BMI on report cards (at least one has repealed that listing, but I'd bet more are to come). I'd like mine on my paycheck, please. You can never have too many reminders that you're a fat ass.

And another thing...
I love this blog not only because she works in a call center, but because of her attitude. This entry, on April 17, 2007, about the Virginia Tech shootings, exactly mirrors my stance on guns. Just fucking outlaw 'em.

Boing Boing: Blood puddle pillows
This is probably not at all appropriate considering what went on this week, but I still totally want one of these for my desk....

An Inconvenient Truth Carbon Calculator
Check this site out - you can estimate your "carbon footprint" and find ways to reduce it. I'm proud to say that my carbon footprint is 1.5 -the national average is 7. Yay!

I can never resist an adorable hedgie picture...http://mfrost.typepad.com/cute_overload/2007/04/ladies_the_secr.html

Note to politicians | Salon.com
Reading Garrison is generally worth sitting through the commercials to get the full access to Salon.

on Flickr - Photo Sharing!
It's daffodil season in the city!!!

I, Asshole: Tuesday Round-up in Three Parts
I love I, Asshole, and the flow chart of insults is invaluable.

Boing Boing: Boss-proof your computer with a USB foot-switch
Awesome. Just...awesome...

Boing Boing: Silly shipping label for wine
Another reason I am ashamed to be an American.

ARTICLE: Lay blame on Cho, not Tech leaders (The Virginian-Pilot - HamptonRoads.com/PilotOnline.com)
Thank you, news media, for finally pulling your head out of your ass and realizing that, most likely, this could not have been avoided.

whipup.net - Tutorial, Rag Rug
To be added to the Things I Want to Make Should I Ever Totally Be Unemployed Yet Wealthy and Have the Time to Make.

Boing Boing: Fascist America, in 10 easy steps

What's my sign? This is MY sign!
surly missed the point on Flickr - Photo Sharing!

That's all it said~ on Flickr - Photo Sharing!

http://mfrost.typepad.com/cute_overload/2007/04/ketch_a_falling.html
I love this picture not only because I can't wait to get a hedgie, but check out the kitty/hedgie picture. Adorable!


Overheard in New York | It Dislodged Several Ceiling Tiles
It's funny because it's true. Jeff and I take yoga on Monday nights, and we both have this huge fear of farting, and congratulate each other at the end of class if we've managed to make it through without a big fart (and were relieved when someone else in class did!)

libries on Flickr - Photo Sharing!
Yes, yes you do.

Berserk-os at I Blame The Patriarchy
Amen, sister.

SheFinds.com Weblog
The No Bra Boob Blunders...something Sarah and I discuss with frequency.

Helicopter parents: What's that I hear, a whirry bird? | BlogHer
No. Oh, no. Hellz no. This is dreadful. When I breed, I'm tattooing this somewhere on me so I don't become one of Those Moms.

What does it take to be a moral leader?
I haven't said anything about the Virginia Tech stuff because I have nothing original or inspiring to contribute. But I agree with this writer in that it was wrong to leave Cho out of the memorial. In my mind, whatever demons he battled made him the ultimate victim of this sad, sad day. I would like to think that this would give us, as a community, pause to think about mental illness, and how we can reach out to those who suffer around us, but I fear that it will just stigmatize it more. Why is it when our bodies attack us, we are to be pitied, but when our minds attack us, we are monsters?

Davezilla: Clean humor, filthy comments » PEDESTRIANS PROHIBITED

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Word, Dr. King

Cowardice asks the question—is it safe? Expediency asks the question—is it politic? Vanity asks the question—is it popular? But conscience asks the question—is it right? And there comes a time when one must take a position that is neither safe, nor politic, nor popular; but one must take it because it is right.

~ Rev. Martin Luther King, Jr.

And, an Update

Things that I have wanted to get done this week, and have not, nor will I in the coming weekend:

1. Address and mail out wedding announcements (must be done before postage goes up, as I have a metric fuckton of stamps)
2. Finish birthday gift for Magnus
3. Research realtors that are good at selling condos and/or buying old houses
4. Look for a place to live in the unlikely event our condo sells
5. Read the South Beach diet book, make a menu, and go to the grocery store
6. Hell, just go to the grocery store – we haven’t been in about three weeks
7. Have quality time with my sweetie
8. Have quality time with my cat
9. Have quality time with my laundry basket
10. Respond to my email of a non-urgent, but would still like to talk to nature
11. Update my Palm so I know what I need to know
12. Set up the new hard drive which is actually big enough for all the stuff that I want on the computer, and which I have had since Christmas, and which is still sitting in it’s box on my computer desk at home
13. Have a nap

Things that I did do this week which, while productive, were not the above things

1. Go to Mayo to have blood tests done. I went to see one of the leading experts in HAE last Friday (and have been meaning to blog about it ever since then, but haven’t had one damn minute to do so), to see if I can get into a clinical trial for the good drugs, which are not yet FDA approved. My current doctor was a bit confused, as my blood tests do not show that I have Type I or II HAE (the kind where there is a problem with the blood protein) so I have been diagnosed at idiopathic. However, the last two times I was hospitalized, I reacted really well to having plasma with the protein in it, which (if I was truly idiopathic) shouldn’t have made any difference.

So, off to Mayo I went to get the really, really good diagnostic tests done. Let me tell you, I was about as impressed as can be by the Mayo. Their facilities are gorgeous, everyone is unfailingly polite (even the doctor addressed me as Mrs….they ALL did. NO use of the first name at all), and they ran on time. AND I had an entire hour with the doctor. They didn’t torture me for my insurance card any step of the way, nor continue to ask repetitive medical questions. The departments actually seemed to talk to each other, so instead of discussing my insurance, I got to discuss my HEALTH. What a radical concept.

Unfortunately, I had eaten before my visit, so they couldn’t do the labs they wanted to. I went back down again on Monday, and had eight vials of blood drawn – a personal best! A quick shopping jaunt to Hobby Lobby for super-cheap yarn, lunch at Fazoli’s (the one up here closed!), and back home for a nap for my sweetie, and an afternoon off for me.

2. And I good thing I had that afternoon off! I got a call from my long lost friend/ former co-worker Kelli last week, and she mentioned a job opportunity. It would be for a small recruiting firm (as in, one guy) and she will be starting there in the fall after her baby is born (she’s due soon!), and they want one other person in the office too, and she called me. I haven’t done any recruiting since, oh, 2000, so I’m a bit rusty, but she thought that we’d made such a good team then that we should try it again. Why the hell not? I updated my resume and sent it on to her on Monday afternoon, since I decided not to go to work.

3. And while I was updating my resume anyway, another recruiter that I’ve been working with, John, called me about a part time benefits job…turns out I’d work about 25 hours a week and make MORE money than I currently am. Am I interested? Hellz, yes, I’m interested. Updated another version of the resume and sent that puppy off too.

And that was just Monday.

4. Tuesday I went back to work to find that our new billing statements had finally come out, and no.fucking.one can understand them, because (ZOMG!!) changes have been made. While we had announced the changes several times, and have resources all over our damned website, everyone was caught unawares, and cannot, repeat, cannot figure the damn thing out. The main problem is that, previously, for all benefits we had send the bill the month before (i.e., you got billed for April in March). Now, we have moved it so retirement contributions are billed in the current month (i.e., April benefits are billed in March, but April retirement is billed in April). Therefore, as is indicated in all the literature, there are no retirement contributions due this month.

If you understand this, as I assume you do, Gentle Reader, you are smarter than the average bear, and 10x smarter than my average member. This week, we have had about 2,500 calls (average in a week is about 800) and 90% of them are ZOMG WHERE DID THE RETIREMENT CONTRIBUTIONS GO?

Every single time I have asked if they read the inserts that came with the billing statement. I have gotten everything from “there wasn’t anything in there” (bullshit) to “I couldn’t understand it” (idiot) to an indignant “NO” (sorry about your illiteracy – didn’t want to touch a nerve there. Stop drooling on the phone.)

I’m being harsh. I realize that it’s not only inhumane, but Un-American to make someone read something. After all, I was put on this earth, Gentle Member, to wipe your ass, get you a cookie, and read all your mail so you don’t have to. Would you like me to chew up your food for you so it’s not so hard on your itty bitty self?

This week has led me to the following conclusions:

1. Our members are idiots
2. They are also assholes
3. They are, as a group, illiterate, or
4. They read below a third grade level
5. They are lazy, lazy motherfuckers
6. Our communications suck (which I have said before)
7. And finally, I need to get right the fuck out of here before I go berserk.

5. Wednesday was more of the same shit, different day at work, but after work I met with the recruiter, John, at Legends after work. Julie and I did some power shopping during lunch, since I was wearing a very ugly (although clean) outfit. Met him over there, had a blast, and he loved me. He thought I was a perfect fit for the job. On top of sounding like a perfect place, more money, a good fit….it’s business casual! I don’t even have to wear Big Girl Shoes to work there!!!

I went home (a dash across the street), talked Jeff into taking me to get wings for dinner, and then we power shopped for a jacket to wear with my good interview skirt, since I was informed I’d probably have an interview on Monday. (Sarah, if you are reading this, damn you for going on vacation right when I needed some fashion advice!) The other jacket I have was too heavy – it’s a suede one that yells, “The last job interview I had was in the dead of winter!” and I would die if I had to wear it in spring weather. I think my sweetie did very well picking out a jacket that’s kind of jean jacket in style, but a lighter cotton, and black to go with the skirt. With my funky heels, it’s going to be a great outfit (Sarah is forgiven.)

6. Thursday, I found out that I have an interview at 2:00 p.m. on Monday, and that this company is absolutely thrilled that I want to talk to them. Woot!!!!

7. And, now it’s Friday. So far we’ve gotten only 272 calls today, which is about what we get, total, on a busy Monday. After the rest of the week, it feels like cake. Julie and I are about to head to lunch, I’m going to try not to call any of our members motherfuckers for the next three and a half hours, and then I’m going home. Craftstravaganza is tomorrow, and I coincidentally got paid yesterday. Did I mention I could use a new purse for my job interview(!!) on Monday???

8. If you are reading this, or intuiting it, or thinking about me in any way, please keep all applicable appendages crossed for me!!!

Interview ME!

I was reading I found a fatal flaw in the logic of love… yesterday, as I do when it pops up as new on my Bloglines. Now, I don’t know Alissa, but I love her blog, and feel that if we lived anywhere close, we might hang out. Yay for cool bloggers!

She had five questions that her friend made up in a meme, and said that if someone said “interview me!” in her comments, she’d make up five questions, too. Well, being a sucker for that sort of thing, I jumped on. Here are Alissa’s questions for me, and my answers….

1. What smell instantly takes you back to childhood and why?

I am so the wrong person to answer that. I have almost NO sense of smell, and what I can smell is generally unpleasant. Like, I have a hard time smelling flowers when I have my nose right in them, but I can smell manure in the fields on a road trip just fine, thank you.

That being said, I remember when I was really, really little, my mom bought some doll house furniture for my father’s mother (she must have had one of those really fancy doll houses, but I don’t remember that part). I remember that there was a green velvet Victorian style couch in the bunch of stuff in the box she was giving my grandmother, and I remember exactly how it smelled.

A year or so later, we moved out to Maryland, and as my mom’s a bit of a history buff, we went to all the cool places in the DC area. One of our favorites (and still mine) was Mount Vernon, and I remember when I walked into the cellar it smelled just like that couch. Now, anytime I smell something musty, like it’s been in a basement for a long time, I think of that couch, and Mount Vernon. (I’ve also been back to Mount Vernon several times over the last 25+ years, and it smells exactly the same.)

2. If you could have been born into any other culture, which would you choose and why?

Oh, that’s a hard one. It would have to be an advanced culture, because I loves me some indoor plumbing. (I have a feeling that if I’d been a pioneer and had to use an outhouse, I’d spend every trip thinking, ‘there’s GOT to be a better way.’)

My first inclination is to say English or Irish culture, because even though they are modern and English-speaking, it really is a different way of life, and much more my style. Europeans have a much more pragmatic view of life, and what goes on, and how to balance the necessities thereof. Having grown up in the Midwest, in a very protestant-work-ethicky-we-don’t-need-nothing-from-no-one way, it would be interesting to live in a more socialist society, and one with a government that can’t be bought with special interest dollars.

Also of interest would be any culture which is not based on the Judeo-Christian values. India of course leaps to mind, as my grandfather-in-law was an immigrant from Northern India and a practicing Sikh. The middle east with it’s basis in Islam would also be fascinating, although I think my basic I am woman, hear me roar attitude would not be particularly welcomed (something that my college boyfriend from the UAE and I discussed a lot…he wanted me to come back to the UAE with him to visit, and I told him that while he thought my loud-mouthed American ways were ”cute” and “charming” to him here, they’d be an embarrassment to him there).

Gosh, so much to experience, and so few lives to take it all in. I think it would be fascinating to be independently wealthy (or more willing to live hand-to-mouth in uncertainty than I am) and just travel and experience the different cultures…find one that seems cool, and settle in for a few years, repeat. Mmmm….

(I now look at my cubicle in distain. Why aren’t you somewhere cool?)

3. What would be your super power of choice?

Teleportation. No more time wasted going to and fro, no more squished legs on airplanes, much shorter commute time. No brainer.

4. If you could live one year over again, which year would it be?

This could be a double question: which BAD year would you like to live over again, so it would be good, or which GOOD year would you go through again, cause it was so fantastic you just want more? I’m gonna answer both, cause I’m just like that. Oh, and I’m avoiding work. And if I’m typing in Word, it looks like work.

My BAD year – 2004. (Really, 2002-2004, but I don’t want to be greedy.) It started out in the shitter: my grandfather died the day after New Year’s, then I got canned, and then the husband and I split up. I was sick as hell the whole year with the HAE, on steroids and hospitalized. Frankly, it didn’t get much better from there. On New Year’s Eve I went to Kieran’s with a bunch of friends and The Troll, gave him his first ever midnight kiss (ew for me), and was so relieved that the year was over that, even with two eyes swollen shut and a killer case of bronchitis, I began to dance (and by dance, I mean lurch drunkenly).

My GOOD year – 2000. That was the year that I turned 25. I was finally over my big love interest, and started doing the rounds of the city. I left a job that wore me down at the beginning of the year, and had that year to basically build a division of the company I worked for from the ground up (it folded soon after, but not due to anything I did. I blame the gambling alchy that came in after me). I lived in a place I loved, and it was the social hub of my fabulous group of friends. I traveled, I took road trips, I drank every bottle and screwed every guy that came around. It wasn’t a lifestyle that I could keep up for long, but I think that I “found” myself that year, felt like a real person for the first time in my life, and had a blast doing it.

5. What is the one thing in the future you are looking forward to the most?

Immediate future, getting a house. We’re currently in the middle of changing our real estate agent, and hopefully will get some more action with the next one we go with. I’d really like to be settled in a new house by the time we have our party in the fall, and not have to arrange for an alternate location. That, and I miss my stuff, and having things the way I like them versus the way they need to be to show a place. It’s just not my style, and it doesn’t feel like home.

A bit longer term, Jeff and I having a baby. I can’t wait to see what we produce together.

Wanna participate? The "rules"...

1. Leave me a comment saying, "Interview me."
2. I will respond by e-mailing you five questions. I get to pick them, and you have to answer them all.
3. You will update your blog with the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions