Things I Learned About Myself

It is not the goal but the way there that matters, and the harder the way the more worthwhile the journey ~ Wilfred Thesiger

The whole Dean Drama is over.

After worrying about it, and being more nervous for out meeting than for anything else I can think of in recent memory, it's all done.

I went to meet him at the Indian place by my work, and he was way late - so late that I was thinking that I'd been stood up, and was about to head to McDonald's for sustenance, and back to work. I saw him, finally, standing outside waiting for me. I leaned out the front door and asked, "You didn't think I was going to stand out here and freeze my ass off waiting for you, did you?"

We had lunch - buffet - and talked. Got caught up on what had happened in the three and a half years since we'd last seen each other (that was the first question he asked - how long as it been?). He's still cute. He's still funny. He still has a great job and loves public radio, and goes fishing for muskie.

And, during the lunch, the realization finally came to me that, despite all the thoughts to the contrary over the last three and a half years - through all the times I thought of him while I was married, and all the times I fantasized about getting back together after the marriage ended - he is not my lobster.

Maybe he was three and a half years ago. Maybe he was perfect for the 26-year-old Di, the one that wanted to save him, and was amused by his constant commentary on those around him. But the 29-year-old Di needs more, and doesn't want to live n the 'burbs, and has experienced too much to settle with someone who doesn't see things the same way. I saw that if, by some chance, he lost the two year girlfriend (with whom things are "fine", but he wants to flirt with me), that either I would be back in the same, not-quite-me wife rut, or that I wouldn't be able to satisfy him either, and in a couple of years some other old girlfriend will come out of the woodwork.

No, thanks. I'll keep looking for Lobbie (as Sarah refers to him), and be grateful that I learned my lesson.