Lucky 13 Reasons to Lose Weight

1. Even though my husband thinks I’m hot now, he’ll think I’m even hotter if I am more comfortable in my own skin.

2. Less of me means less of me to swell – I’d be able to walk/sit longer without reaction if there wasn’t as much weight pressing down on my feet/butt.

3. I’ll be able to buy all sorts of cute clothes that they don’t make in my size now. And they’ll cost less. And I’ll have more variety.

4. I’ll be able to increase my flexibility in yoga without the fat in the way.

5. I’ll feel better about myself.

6. My rings that I haven’t been able to wear for years will fit again.

7. I want to set a good example of health for my family.

8. I want to prove that I *can* be thin again, and that I am not letting illness and long periods of (legal, medical) steroid use define me.

9. It will be easier to be pregnant if I am only carrying baby weight and not 60 pounds of additional fat.

10. It will also be nice to only have to lose the baby weight instead of an additional 60 pounds of fat.

11. Ireland. We are going on our honeymoon in December, and when I was in Europe last time, I felt like the biggest hog in existence. I was twice as big as everyone else, and I couldn’t buy any souvenir shirts because I was too fat. I want something from Ireland, damn it!

12. This is the biggie: I was talking to my beloved last night about my 13 reasons, and he came up with the.best.reason.ever that I should do this. I have been trying to convince him to wear a kilt ever since I met him, cause I think it would be hot. He finally agreed last night that after the first 40 pounds, he will wear a kilt just for me. Not in public or anything, but around the house. Rawr.

13. Oh, and he’ll wear it more than once after he gets it. Total motivation

Awesome

Check this out. Now. http://www.snopes.com/embarrass/email/leaving.asp

While I have had many fantasies about what I would do upon leaving...well, most of my jobs....this guy actually did it.

It reminded me of my dad's fantasy to reenact the barbershop scene from Coming To America if he ever won the lottery and quit his job. You know the one I'm talking about...where Eddie Murphy (I think, in one of his characters) points to each person in the shop and individually tells them, "Fuck You."



Ah, dreams.

Help Tiffany Save Second Base!

Tiffany, one of the fantastic ladies in my knitting group is doing the Avon Walk for Breast Cancer. In order to participate in the two day version of the walk, she needs to raise $1,800. I wish I could give her the entire amount she needs (a little over $1,100 as of this morning), but I's po, so I am reaching out to all of you for help!

As the possessor of some fine breasts, I know that I have a decent chance of having breast cancer, or having one of my close friends of family members get it. I've been lucky so far, but let's keep the research funded so that we can all continue to be lucky.

Oh, and Tiffany's signture line in her email to me this morning made me giggle!

Help me Save Second Base!

I'm walking in the Avon 2-Day Walk for Breast Cancer. Please consider helping me meet my $1800 goal by visiting here. Thanks!

Hump Day

It’s Wednesday, and I only have a four day week – we get Good Friday off, which is about the only time of the year that working for Jebus pays off. We are also getting new systems this week, which means that I can’t actually do any work. It’s 10:00 a.m., I have done all I can for the day, and already attended a meeting. I have six hours to go. Did I mention nothing to do? And the fact that we’ve been yelled at for using the internet too much so I can’t even just play KOL all day? Or shop for new and exciting handbags?

The only good news about doing nothing at work is I got something cool written in the last few days that I have submitted to This I Believe. I don’t really think that I’ll get on the radio with it, but allegedly it will be on the website for all and sundry to see. I’ll let you know when it’s up – takes about 8 weeks.

So, here are some random thoughts that are going through my head today for your enjoyment, and my mental exercise for a while.

• We reduced the price on the condo. As of Monday, we have been on the market for six months, and only have had three people look at it. Seriously, anyone reading this should deeply consider home ownership. Please, please, please buy our condo!!!!!!! Please!!!!!!!

Ok, begging concluded. We (and by “we” I mean “I”) are in a bit of a panic because the guy next door, Hackey McSnorey, put his place up on the market a couple of months ago. We thought we had nothing to worry about, as his place was a dump, had the ORIGINAL 1973 avocado green appliances, had carpet, and smelled like Old Sick Guy and cigarettes dating back to the 1970s.

Then he dropped his price down to $8,000 below ours.

And now he’s entirely remodeling his condo.

All new appliances, paint, carpet, floors, counters, everything.

He’s “off” the market right now, but will be coming back on when the work is done. Apparently he is living in Mexico now, and his kid, who is a contractor, is doing all the work.

Jeff’s theory is that we should just hope he sells quickly, and then hit it hard again, cause we don’t want to compete with the price, and can’t compete with all the work that’s being done (Jeff will barely break even on the place as is). I want to get moving and sell the joint before Hackey goes back on the market for the same reasons. I guess we’ll wait and see…

(Please buy our condo.)

• I really wish I could spend this downtime moving my old blog into the new blog. I wonder if I can make that look like work? Or if I should be “sick” for the rest of the day, and go home and do something productive? Seriously, I got caught up in some other, non-work related, things for a while, and it’s now 11:09 a.m., with nothing to do. Our systems were supposed to be back up this morning, but, as there always is here, there are ‘problems’ and we have nothing. Julie and I started a mini pool…she thought we’d be up today at 11:30 (21 minutes to go), and I thought tomorrow around 10. I asked another co-worker, Dan, and he thinks we won’t be live until Monday. I’ll keep you posted.

• Carla’s going to be an auntie – yay!!!

• We are looking at a house next week that is in my old neighborhood of Cherokee – in fact, it’s right down the street from where K, Mike and I used to live. It’s a great house – nice layout (as far as we can tell from the pictures), I already love the neighborhood, AND it comes with a playhouse in the backyard wired for electric, and insulated. I’m picturing our (future) child playing in there as a toddler, and camping out in angst as a teenager. What a great little retreat.

• Jeff and I have been taking yoga for the last few months, and this week was the first time that I really felt I could have bent more, and done bigger moves…except that MY FAT was in the way.

I have said in the past that my weight does not really interfere with my physical activity. This is for two reasons: (1) I don’t do that much physical activity to be interfered with; and (2) the HAE interferes way more than my fat ever could. I completely believe that fat people can be healthy, and for the most part, I am healthy.

But this Monday at yoga, I could feel my fat getting in the way. I could feel that my body wanted to do more movement, but that there was an obstacle. And when doing movements above my head, I could feel how heavy my arms were – much heavier than they should be, and I’d have to rest more than the other folks between movements.

I turn 32 on Saturday, and I am determined to be less of a woman by 33 than I am now. I will be working on my Lucky 13 Reasons to Lose Weight this afternoon, and will start in on my new program Monday.

• I think my knitting group is in the crapper. Our last meetings have had almost no attendance, and tonight I even cancelled because it was just one other woman and me. I sent out the call for feedback, but everyone thinks things are dandy….but no one comes. I’m going to see what happens next time. I know that this week is bad because The Yarn Harlot is in town tonight. (However, I did not find this out until yesterday, as the news had not seeped under my rock, so there are no tickets left. Boo!)
• It’s snowing today. As we speak, it is 21 degrees. This morning when I came to work, we had a wind chill of 1 degree above zero. Last week, it was 80. This week, I have to wear real shoes. Ah, yes, it is my birthday week, so there’s bound to be snow.

• Did I mention it’s my birthday week? I wasn’t going to do anything, but Sarah decided that was not cool, and she and Jeff plotted* behind my back to have a gathering tomorrow. I’m not giving details, but if you want to know, drop me a line.

*Here’s how I think it went:

Sarah: We need to do something for Di’s birthday.

Jeff: I don’t think she wants anything done.

Sarah: Unacceptable behaviour. We are doing something for her birthday. Here is the plan.

Jeff: Ok….

Sarah: I’ll make her come. Don’t worry about it.

Jeff: Ok….

Sarah: It’s all good.

Jeff: (Internal: Make sure she doesn’t blame me.)

I didn’t want to do anything for my birthday, but I’m delighted that we are. Sweetie, I know you never read my blog, but I don’t blame you and I’m happy about the gathering!

• Whoops. I thought my cell was on vibrate, but it wasn’t. You’ll be happy to know that my new glasses will be ready in about 7 working days.

• In an effort to start drinking more water even before the Big Diet goes into effect, I have already had 64 ounces of water today. I can’t remember how many times I’ve peed, but I think I’m gonna have to again soon.

• Damn it! I just found out that Wild Colonial Bhoys aren’t playing on my birthday. Not just not playing locally, but on a freaking vacation! WTF?

• Jebus. The glasses place just called AGAIN to let me know that my card didn’t go through. I just activated it this morning (new card with new name) and I’m wondering if it hasn’t hit all systems yet.

• Ok, so we’ve made it to 11:48 a.m. Still nothing to do. Still no system access, or word on system access. Sorry, Julie.

• Which reminds me: I’m not sure why we are all here. I mean, we are all being paid full salary to do essentially nothing. I seem to remember that at Prudential, when we were being laid off and didn’t have access/work for the last few weeks, we were given rotating days off…we needed some staff to be there answering the phones, but certainly not everyone. I think that we are in the same boat – not only do we have little work to do, but since this is the week before the biggest damn day in Christendom, we’re not even getting many calls. I’ve taken two all day.

• Jeff and I discovered Fiber One Bars this weekend. He’s been hearing about them on KFAN, and had mentioned them to me a while ago during my ongoing effort to get more fiber in my diet. (I later learned that it wasn’t a lack of fiber, but one of my meds that was causing the lack o’poo, but that’s probably more than you wanted to know.) We picked some up at SuperTarget this weekend, and they are indeed quite tasty. However, like everything else, they have High Fructose Corn Syrup. That shit is in everything. What happened to using real sugar?

Julie brought me a can of kosher Coke (real sugar instead of high fructose corn syrup) last week, and I was pleased to note that it was not only just as tasty as regular, but had thirty calories less. Apparently, the HFCS, while cheaper for the manufacturer, is much higher in calories. I knew that it was bad stuff, but I had no idea that it was so much higher in calories. And, again, it’s in everything. No wonder we’re all so fat.

(And, don’t give me any shit about how we’re all fat because we eat fat. Fat doesn’t turn into fat in the human body – sugar does. We are all fat because we eat too much sugar.)

• Ok, I think I’m done rambling for now. It’s five after twelve, and I am on ounces 65-88 of water, and had a Fiber One Bar to tide me over until lunch. I’m gonna write my Lucky 13 and post this bad boy to whet your…uh…eyes?

Manners

I can’t say with all honesty – or much honesty – that I have stellar manners, or know my way around any social situation with grace and ease. I’m sometimes abrupt, and I do tend to forget my “please” and “thank you.” However, I do at least try to be respectful and polite when I am speaking with someone I don’t know, or in the course of a business transaction (or both). (However, if you are a close friend you know all bets are off!)

Well, I seem to be in the fucking minority. As I go about my day-to-day business, and (worse) as I conduct my work, I find that manners seem to have begun to permanently reside in the pockets of those around me. The deep, dark pockets of the ugly winter coat that isn’t worn anymore, and has been shoved to the back of a closet. Perhaps the one from the blind grandmother three Christmases ago. That, I am convinced, are where the manners are.

For example, I go to Target a lot. A LOT. There is one downtown, and you’d be amazed how many times through the week there is something you gotta have there. Truly amazing. And even when I’ve shopped there three times during the week, I go at least once on the weekend, too. No wonder I’m always broke.

But I digress. My point here is, I come into contact with many of their “fine” employees on a regular basis. And it is a rare transaction that the cashier even talks to me. Not a “did you find anything?” or “have a nice day” or “my, that’s a lot of Reece’s”. Nothing. Not.one.word.

Ditto at fast food restaurants – especially the drive up windows. (Note: I don’t want to hear a damn word about my eating habits over the last month. I start a whole new me on April 9^th.) You get a barely audible something out of the box, and then just an Arm – first demanding money, and then handing food. God/Goddess/FSM forbid you want some extra ketchup or water. The Arm does not provide such things.

I am, as always, particularly stunned by the bad manners I see on the phone coming through my work lines. Granted, I work in a low-level, asshat job. But in defense of my co-workers, we are not your usual call center folk. Organization For Which I Work (OFWIW) has actually hired some people with brains and talent (totally uncalled for in this job, but still). When you call us, you are always getting someone with a degree, sometimes getting someone with a Master’s, and always talking to someone that knows far more than (a) you and (b) almost anyone else working in a similar environment, ever.

Now, I know the wo/man on the street isn’t going to know that. But we are not dealing with those people. We are a membership based organization- in theory, anyone calling us has dealt with us before, and knows that we are not your typical asshole.

So why the hate? Why the condescension? Why the lack of manners? Why the absolute assurance that no one you talk to has any fucking idea what they are doing?

I’m not going to go into the whole list of Thou Shall Not of manners, as those of you familiar with me have heard it all before. However, I am going to briefly put out there that I think this lack of manners might be the beginning of the downfall of civilization. You can talk about the lessening of moral fiber all you want, but I think that manners are really the basis of the whole thing.

Talk amongst yourselves.

And here to amuse me for my last 15 minutes of the day...

10 FAVORITES

· Favorite Color: Yellow.

· Favorite Food: Corned beef and cabbage.

· Favorite Month: I like the in-between months, like April and October.

· Favorite Song: Hmmm…I haven’t been listening to much music lately. I’m going to have to go with the first song that popped into my head, which is the Dar/Ani version of Comfortably Numb.

· Favorite Movie: Four Weddings and a Funeral

· Favorite Sport: Curling

· Favorite Season: Spring. And it’s here!

· Favorite Day of the week: Sunday.

· Favorite Ice Cream Flavor: Chocolate chocolate chip.

· Favorite Time of Day: Late afternoon/early evening

9 CURRENTS

· Current Mood: Antsy.

· Current Taste: Choclate.

· Current Clothes: Jeans, green t-shirt, brown sweater, sandals

· Current Desktop: A window with a Utopia sign

· Current Toenail Color: Green

· Current Time: 3:45 p.m.

· Current Surroundings: Cube farm.

· Current Thoughts: 15 minutes….14 minutes….13 minutes….

8 FIRSTS

· First Best Friend: Amy in Maryland. We had the same birthday. She’ll be 32 next weekend, too. Happy Birthday, wherever you are!

· First Kiss: Nick Bourke when I was 15. It was tragic, and then he said, “Well, that kind of sucked, didn’t it?” He dumped me a few days later.

· First Screen Name: I can’t even remember.

· First Pet: A goldfish, Goldie, that Santa left for me. We learned a powerful lesson about getting rid of the chlorine in tap water from Goldie.

· First Piercing: Ears.

· First Crush: Goodness…I have no idea. I can tell you about lots of subsequent crushes, though!

· First CD: I bought my first CD the day that I bought my firsts CD player, and I was so broke by then (since it was over $400 to buy that!!) that I bought a rip-off of the Chant album, which was really popular at the time.

7 LASTS

· Last Cigarette: Ages ago.

· Last Drink: Last night, after a hard day at work.

· Last Car Ride: This morning when my sweetie dropped me off.

· Last Kiss: This morning when my sweetie dropped me off!

· Last Movie Seen: Uh….something that Jeff got at the library about a Scottish kid that fell for the only girl on his team, but didn’t like him back, but set him up with someone who did.

· Last Phone Call: Some work thing.

· Last CD Played: Don’t really play CDs anymore with the iPod…

6 HAVE YOU EVERS

· Have You Ever Dated One Of Your Best Guy/Girl Friends: Yep

· Have You Ever Broken the Law: Yep

· Have You Ever Been Arrested: No.

· Have You Ever Skinny Dipped: Yep

· Have You Ever Been on TV: Yep

· Have You Ever Kissed Someone You Didn’t Know: Oh, hellz yes.

5 THINGS

· Thing You’re Wearing: Wedding rings, sweater, sandals, glasses, sexy medical alert bracelet

· Thing You’ve Done Today: Bathed (cold bath – blah!), ate my lunch for breakfast, had lots of coffee, had a very bad for me lunch, and some work thrown in.

· Thing You Can Hear Right Now: Cube farm chatter and white noise generator.

· Thing You Can’t Live Without: My sweetie. Although he’s not a thing…

· Thing You Do When You’re Bored: I don’t get bored very often…I have lots of things to keep me busy, so if I’m bored, I have another activity to go to.

4 PLACES YOU’VE BEEN TODAY

· Work

· The can

· McDonald’s

· The Onion box on the corner of Marquette and 8th

3 PEOPLE YOU CAN TELL ANYTHING TO

· Jeff

· Barb

· Lots of other people – I always get grief about this question. If you think I can tell you anything, I probably can (and do!)

2 CHOICES

· Black or White: Black.

· Hot or Cold: Depends. Coffee? Hot. Fridge? Cold.

1 THING YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE

· Produce Little Sawatdee

And Now, Some Fabulous Things Worth Mentioning

• I am on my ninth full day of marriage, and being married kicks.almighty.ass

• According to my little weather thingie online, it’s 77 degrees out, and I am going home in one hour and forty minutes to enjoy it. It’s so nice that I am thinking about asking Jeff to take our yoga mats to a park instead of to class. Even though we love love love our class and teacher, it’s too nice to spend an hour and a half inside tonight.
  

• I slept with the windows open last night, for the first time all year. It was delightful.

• And Sarah wrote a beautiful little something about today… I’ve already sent it around to my favorite co-workers, and I have a feeling it’s going to be one of those things that becomes an email forward. Sarah, did you copyright?

• Obviously, I’m a Minnesotan, since I keep going on and on about the weather. But seriously, have you BEEN outside? It’s awesome!

• I have made my semi-annual discovery that I have Nothing To Wear. How is it that I clothed myself all last summer with one t-shirt and one tank top that doesn’t need to be put under a sweater? I did a bit of shopping this weekend, and actually found two shirts that I love. LOVE. I never love my clothes.

• I have a sassy new haircut.

• There is a wedding present from my dad waiting for me at home to open.

• We have the earnest money for our new house! Now we just have to sell the old one (and it would no longer be a happy list if I told you what’s going on there, so don’t ask).

• I have awesome in-laws.

• Next week, I only work four days, because Jebus gives us Good Friday off. It IS a Good Friday, as it’s the day before my birthday. Three days weekend!

• Have I mentioned that my husband is awesome? And that I love being married to him?

Things Not Worth Bitching About

I had a call today from a member who takes monthly installments from his retirement plan. He got his boxers all in a bunch because the company that does our installments for us took the money out of his account five days ago, but he doesn’t have his check, and he is losing all that interest.

I’m curious, and put on my math hat to see if this poor guy is going to be out starving on the streets because of this. According to my (admittedly rough) calculations, the money this guy lost was $2.90.

Two dollars and ninety cents.

Is it necessary for me to mention that he has more than $800,000 in his retirement account? An amount that, at my age, would almost double my salary to live on the interest alone for the rest of my life?

Even a lowlife like me can afford the two dollars and ninety cents. It’s in the mail, asshole. Love, Di.

The Time Has Come....

"The time has come," the Walrus said,
"To talk of many things:
Of shoes--and ships--and sealing-wax--
Of cabbages--and kings--
And why the sea is boiling hot--
And whether pigs have wings." Lewis Carroll

The time has come for me to say Bu-bye to BlogCity. While I liked having an engine that was not what everyone else had (or, no one else that I knew, at least), the continuing struggle to get it to let me have pictures, or html, or any sort of fun in my entries has driven me back into the arms of Blogger.

Unlike most breakups, Blog-City, it IS you.

I have resurrected my old blog, and can now be found at red-headed-stepchild.blogspot.com. I'll be moving all the entries from this blog over there, if you ever have a deep urge to sift through the archives...

I'm Baaaack....

I've been using blog-city for a couple of years, and while I liked it just fine, and liked being part of something that was a little less mainstream, the fact of the matter is that it's not as functional as I would like it. I have a hell of a time getting pictures to post, and it sometimes refuses to have anything to do with html that I put in there.

Couple that with the fact that I am too lazy to move all my postings to yet a THIRD blog, I'm here until I find something that I hate about Blogger and move again. (Although, this thing is getting too big for that, I think...I'll just suck it up and be a conformist, I guess.

My Visual DNA

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Jeff and Diana Tie the Knot (Wo-hoo!)

A few weeks ago, Jeff and I decided, for various reasons which I will not go into here, that we didn't want to wait until our original wedding date of May 11, 2007, and decided to elope on March 17^th. After all, St. Padraig's day IS my favorite holiday, and what better way to celebrate then by getting married??

The only reason Jeff didn't want to elope was because he wanted his parents there, so we decided to ask them along. Because my parents don't get along (correction, because my mom hates my dad like the Sunnis hate the Shiites), we had decided to invite my dad, and just tell my mom later that we had eloped. The judge that we had already hired for the May date told us he was free, and would open up his courtroom to us for no additional charge (luckily, as after his fee I couldn't afford an "additional charge"). I got Sarah moving on the dress, we got a license and rings, and we were all set to go.

Our plan was to go to Stillwater to get married, and have dinner later at Jeff's sister's house. Alison (sister) had bought all sorts of hors d'oeveres and I was making a big Irish dinner - stew with Guinness, a corned beef and cabbage, and I even baked soda bread.

Friday, I took a half day off to go get a pedicure and my nails done with the lovely Sarah, and then went home to have some final single time with my sweetie. I was craving Baja Sol, so we went to pick that up. When I got home, there was a fantastic flowery gift from Barb and Andrew. I would have taken a picture, but my sister has my camera for her trip to Poland this week. I'll have to try the camera phone....

While we were polishing that off. my dad called. His first words were, "Is it snowing there?"

"Uh, no. Is it showing there?"

Turns out that the Harrisburg airport was shut down, and his flight for the next day had already been cancelled. In fact, flights had been cancelled for the next 48 hours, and there was no way for him to get out, as all the "nearby" airports were closed, too. He wasn't coming. (Barb, this makes me glad that you didn't buy tickets, as it sounds like your airports were closed, too.)

Well, that sucked.

So, I had a bit of a cry, because I was really looking forward to having him there, and then I started thinking about getting married all alone with no one there, and that didn't make me happy either. I asked Jeff, "Do you think we should tell my mom?"

He thought we should. So I did.

"Hey, Ma. What are you guys doing tomorrow?"

"I don't know - did you have any ideas?"

"Well, Jeff and I thought we'd get married - wanna come?"

As you might imagine, the answer was yes. What I did not count on was the fact that she would be delighted and wanted to know what she could do. I told her we were going to Alison's for dinner afterward, but she thought that we should go to The Lexington, which was a favorite of my grandpa's, or maybe somewhere in Stillwater. She was going to call my aunt Annette right that minute to get some information on stuff in Stillwater. I told her to go ahead and invite them along, too.

Ma called back a few minutes later and said she couldn't get a reservation at The Lex, and that Annette thought everything else in town would be full, so Annette offered to cook dinner - for all 15 of us - at her house. On less than 24 hours notice. I know that she has a metric fuck ton of relatives, and that she regularly holds dinner parties for 35+ at her house, but still.

We confirmed with Jeff's family, and we were ready to go!

That night, Jeff and I went to Alison's for a dinner of Pizza Luce, provided by her very lovely new boyfriend Mike, and the four of us watched The Break Up. Then Jeff went home and I stayed with Alison, as I didn't want him to see me on the day of our wedding. I'm not traditional about many things, but that's one of them!

Alison let me sleep in, and I woke up to the sounds of her typing (as I was disoriented, and without coffee, I was trying to figure out what.the.hell the cats were doing that made that kind of a noise...). We went to breakfast at the Edina Grill (two thumbs way up), and then to Southdale to fix the Undergarment Emergency. While we were there, Alison also picked out another shawl for me to wear with my dress, as she was afraid the one Kristy made for me wouldn't keep me warm enough in the 30 degree weather we had.

While we were getting all this stuff ready, my mom called me to let me know that my aunt had looked at the directions we had for the ceremony location, and that while I thought I was getting married in the historic courthouse:

I was really getting married in the new county building:

Oh, well.

Then I went to get my hair done with the third most important man in my life, Alan at the Galleria Rocco. It was fantastic, as it always is with him.

Then Alison and I went back home, and I did some power knitting to calm my nerves while she took a shower. We wrestled me into The Contraption, and put my dress on so I could do make up (didn't want a big face smear on the inside of my dress!)

We drove to Stillwater, and got there about half an hour early. Even though we were way early, and the judge wasn't schedule to show up until twenty to four, we were not alone...Jeff and his parents were already there, and his sister Rachael and her husband Steve pulled in right after us. Since I didn't want Jeff to see me, Alison and I took a little driving tour of the immediate area until Jeff went inside.

Judge Armstrong got Jeff in and had the paperwork signed (Steve and Rachael were our witnesses) and then moved everyone into the courtroom. I went in to sign the paperwork, and then we just waited for the rest of my family to show up so we could begin.

Judge Armstrong let me go in the front door of the courtroom so I could "walk down the aisle" to where he and Jeff were right in front of the bench. My family was in the jury box, and Jeff's in the "visitor" section. They all wanted to take pictures before we even started:

And then the ceremony began:

And ended, per tradition, with a kiss:

We hung around the courtroom and had so

me pictures taken:

With Judge Thomas Armstrong

With our entire families (l-r): My parents, my sister Meredith, my sister Lauren, my cousin Katherine, my aunt Annette, Jeff, my uncle Ted, me, Jeff's sister Rachael, Rachael's husband Steve, Jeff's sister Alison, Jeff's mom Kathleen, and Jeff's dad David.

Then my aunt took us on a little driving tour of Stillwater for some photo ops:

It was very bright out, and I'm making funny faces in all of them. Hopefully someone got better ones!

Then we drove to the Lowell Inn for some more pictures. My aunt pulled me aside and told me she had picked the Lowell because when my Grandpa first came to Minnesota, it was one of the places that he wanted to see, and he really liked it. She said that not only was it beautiful inside for pictures, but she had arranged a champagne toast for all of us. Awww!

We took lots of pictures of all the different family configurations, and by then I was getting hungry (and sick of my shoes), so I asked if we were heading back to my aunt and uncle's. My mom said, "Well, I don't know...why don't we just eat here?"

Turns out, they had totally been pulling our legs about dinner at Annette and Ted's, and my mom had reserved the Garden Room for us for dinner.

AND a cake!

(It's a replica of Mom and Alan's cake - she arranged the woman at Byerly's to make it at the very last minute.)

We had dinner, and chatted for a while, and then cut the cake (the best part of any wedding!) Being a traditional sort of gal (at least when it comes to weddings), we fed each other the first piece.

Yum!

And, as man and wife, we went home to start our new lives together.

(All of these pictures are from my sister Meredith)

Next on Lifetime: A Wedding Story

We eloped on March 17, 2007. Watch this space for the whole story!!

Now that I'm married, this is oh-so-relevant

What type of person do you attract? Your Result: You attract artsy people! Those free spirited artists with great imaginations find you interesting. They are usually interesting themselves, so its not a bad thing, but they CAN be a bit wifty and choose odd goals. If you like life to always be a bit 'different' from the norm, but not too extreme in any one direction, these are the people for you. If you seek logical decision making skills and good money management, you may want to change something in the way you appear. Artsy people are fun for adventure and exploring, so, have fun! (smoking weed helps too)
You attract Yuppies!
You attract unstable people!
You attract geeks!
You attract models!
You attract rednecks!
What type of person do you attract? Quizzes for MySpace

Mad Libs Monday

Got this from Barb, and sent it around (you can see hers at www.airynothing.com). Here are the results:

A typical day for Sarah Elizabeth Green Haggerty.

On a typical day I wake up, wash the pine sap from my Achilles tendon and put on my girdle. I say goodbye to Orville Redenbacher and I Greyhound bus to a Poughkeepsie where I am an Instructional Designer. I feel delicious about what I do, sure I’d rather be a Rectal Thermometer Tester in Vatican City, but this pays the bills and buys me lots of pet rocks that I can catapult.

My morning is pretty furtive. Aside from my 729 trips to the galley to coif my hair and my moist encounter with Barbara, it’s just the same every day.

I break for lunch and draw with Dave Herman over a fabulous plate of magic mushrooms. A quick jaunt to The House of Blues to Colonel Angus Diana, who’s a total reluctant pirate bride, and it’s back to the grind, until 3:07 p.m. when I jump in my puffy orange Vespa and head for home.

My evening is spent recycling and listening to Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch while doing yoga around the dressing room wishing I was Paige and drinking all sorts of Tang. Then it’s off to bed where I dream of monkeys and Jenni Sadique in support hose.

A typical day for John.

On a typical day I wake up, wash the gum from my nose and put on my underwear. I say goodbye to George Best and I bike to Nepal where I am a pubber. I feel bluish about what I do, sure I’d rather be a CEO in Brazil, but this pays the bills and buys me lots of sheep that I can kick.

My morning is pretty (adjective). Aside from my 7 trips to the powder room to shave and my pretty encounter Di, it’s just the same every day.

I break for lunch and draw with Dave over a smart plate of magic mushrooms. A quick jaunt to home to shake hands with Sarah, who’s a total Dracula, and it’s back to the grind, until 3:30 p.m. when I jump in my dark red bus and head for home.

My evening is spent sleeping and listening to Coldplay while playing soccer around the den wishing I was Sir Matt Busby and drinking all sorts of whiskey. Then it’s off to bed where I dream of bottles and Simon Mayo in a neck tie.

A typical day for Jessica Hays.

On a typical day I wake up, wash the cum from my ear and put on my pants. I say goodbye to Angelina Jolie and I fly to a Paris where I am a porn star. I feel crunchy about what I do, sure I’d rather be a mechanic in Lakeland, MN, but this pays the bills and buys me lots of boys that I can jump.

My morning is pretty yellow. Aside from my 6 trips to the outhouse to crap and my green encounter with Diana, it’s just the same every day.

I break for lunch and draw with Paris Hilton over a blue plate of magic mushrooms. A quick jaunt to Italy to kiss Diana, who’s a total pumpkin, and it’s back to the grind, until 3:00 p.m. when I jump in my burned orange bicycle and head for home.

My evening is spent sleeping and listening to 3 Doors Down while playing soccer around the can wishing I was myself and drinking all sorts of Pepsi. Then it’s off to bed where I dream of cats and Dallas-Doing Debbie in underwear.

A typical day for Dean.

On a typical day I wake up, wash the cum from my boob and put on my garter. I say goodbye to Gillian Anderson and I take an airplane to a Alaska where I am a Tech Lead. I feel lovely about what I do, sure I’d rather be a CIO in Minnesota, but this pays the bills and buys me lots of trains so that I can run.

My morning is pretty quick. Aside from my 69 trips to the kitchen to shower, and my slow encounter with Adam, it’s just the same every day.

I break for lunch and draw with Jill over a sweet plate of magic mushrooms. A quick jaunt to Boston to hug Joe, who’s a total vampire, and it’s back to the grind, until 2:00 p.m. when I jump in my weakly red car and head for home.

My evening is spent sleeping and listening to The Streets while playing polo around the bedroom wishing I was Chris and drinking all sorts of beer. Then it’s off to bed where I dream of boobs and John in a stocking.

A typical day for Dave.

On a typical day I wake up, wash the Mercohnium from my adenoid and put on my spat. I say goodbye to Aimee Fischer and I take the Hindenburg to a sewer where I am a anal-lyst. I feel lascivious about what I do, sure I’d rather be a Comptroller in Zululand, but this pays the bills and buys me lots of pocket gophers that I can reel.

My morning is pretty remorseless. Aside from my one trip to the shower to brush my teeth and my guilt-ridden encounter with Di, it’s just the same every day.

I break for lunch and draw with Paige Davis over a incendiary plate of magic mushrooms. A quick jaunt to Vietnam to cage fight with Di, who’s a total rape victim, and it’s back to the grind, until quittin’ time, when I jump in my deciduous periwinkle Beetle and head for home.

My evening is spent staring into space and listening to Foo Fighters while lynching in the cat box room wishing I was Hitler and drinking all sorts of root beer. Then it’s off to bed where I dream of severance packages and the psychoexgirlfriend.com guy in a pantaloons.

A typical day for Jenn.

On a typical day I wake up, wash the colostrum from my left knee and put on my sock. I say goodbye to Garfield and I foot to Hawaii where I am an RN. I feel silly about what I do, sure I’d rather be the Queen of All She Surveys in Ireland, but this pays the bills and buys me lots of cats that I can swim.

My morning is pretty orange. Aside from my 7 trips to the kitchen to think and my hot encounter with Di, it’s just the same every day.

I break for lunch and draw with Jeff over a weird plate of magic mushrooms. A quick jaunt to Canada to chat with Di, who’s a total gorilla, and it’s back to the grind, until high tea when I jump in my squishy platinum Beetle and head for home.

My evening is spent sleeping and listening to U2 while tickling around the closet wishing I was Greg Louganis and drinking all sorts of Coke. Then it’s off to bed where I dream of teeth and Ana in a hat.

A typical day for Diana.

On a typical day I wake up, wash the rubber cement from my big toe and put on my brassiere. I say goodbye to John Cusack and I take a burro to a Ireland where I am an account manager. I feel sticky about what I do, sure I’d rather be a stevedore in Pennsylvania, but this pays the bills and buys me lots of kitties that I can juggle.

My morning is pretty yellow. Aside from my 37 trips to the dining room to wax my upper lip, and my encouraging encounter with Sarah, it’s just the same every day.

I break for lunch and draw with the Wild Colonial Bhoys over a outstanding plate of magic mushrooms. A quick jaunt to IKEA to snuggle with Barb, who’s a total bum, and it’s back to the grind, until 3:30 p.m., when I jump in my crunchy blue train and head for home.

My evening is spent scraping the cat barf off my floor and listening to John Groban while walking around the bathroom wishing I was Queen Elizabeth I and drinking all sorts of Bailey’s. Then it’s off to bed where I dream of pubs and Megan Slankard in a shoe.

A typical day for Sara Camerer.

On a typical day I wake up, wash the boogers from my junga-jungas and put on my knickers. I say goodbye to Colin Firth and I jet to a Stonehenge where I am Whatever I Want to Be. I feel horny about what I do, sure I’d rather be a Chief of Hole Inspection in Ireland, but this pays the bills and buys me lots of puppies that I can skip.

My morning is pretty purple. Aside from my 13 trips to Room 12 brush my teeth and my bumpy encounter with Sarah Haggerty it’s just the same every day.

I break for lunch and draw with Dave Herman over a zippy plate of magic mushrooms. A quick jaunt to St. Paul to touch Diana Johnson, who’s a total pickle and it’s back to the grind, until 3:00 p.m. when I jump in my funny green Audi TT and head for home.

My evening is spent sleeping and listening to Sting while having sex in the playroom wishing I was Eleanor Roosevelt and drinking all sorts of Coke with Splenda. Then it’s off to bed where I dream of buggies and Barbie in a socks.

A typical day for Jenni.

On a typical day I wake up, wash the tree sap from my knees and put on my skirt. I say goodbye to Bruce Willis and I moped to a Texas where I am a nurse. I feel strange about what I do, sure I’d rather be a dog walker in Yemen, but this pays the bills and buys me lots of sticks that I can throw.

My morning is pretty intense. Aside from my 25 trips to the sunroom to sing and my loud encounter with Haley it’s just the same every day.I break for lunch and draw with Diana over a uplifting plate of magic mushrooms. A quick jaunt to Target to hug Sarah, who’s a total princess, and it’s back to the grind, until 3:32 p.m. when I jump in my wrinkly green rickshaw and head for home.

My evening is spent knitting and listening to Michael Jackson while drinking around bedroom wishing I was George W. Bush and drinking all sorts of tequila. Then it’s off to bed where I dream of cameras and Craig in a belt.

Check out these fun sites!

This week I have been reading ThinkYou're The Only One? Oddball Groups Where Outsiders Fit In. Here are a few of the organizations who need to be highlighted:

The Church of the Subgenius: Founded by "Bob" in 1953 who believed that a Conspiricy of Normal Humans was out to repress the abnormalities of the nice weirdos of the world. He founded the Church to protect them from the ravages of mainstream society. Motto: Fuck 'em if they can't take a joke.

The Church of Volkswagenism: Jason Gaudet, the High Priest of Volkswagenism, encourages others to experience the love of VW's and revel in driving them. They have their own scriptures and saints. Motto: Volkwagenism: Followers Wanted.

The Interntional Association of Drunk Bastards: Basically, they drink. It brings a tear to my wee Irish eye. Motto: Bibere ergo sum (I drink, therefore I am).

The International Jewish Conspiracy (InJewCon): Paranoid anti-Semites continue to claim that there exists an international Jewish conspiracy, so someone decided that the best way to mock this idea was to create a public web site to share all of the conspiracy's "secrets". Mottos: From the People Who Brough You Banking. Community, Industry, Deli. Call Your Mother.

Join Me! (Or, the Karma Army): The brianchild of Danny Wallace, who put an ad in a London newspaper that said "Join Me" but he had no idea what for. As a result, he has now formed a cult who perform random acts of kindness, particularly on Fridays (Good Friday). Motto: It's nice to be nice.

The Luxuriant Flowing Hair Club for Scientists (LFHCfS): When many people think of scientists, they think of a small balding man in a lab coat. The LFHCfS aims to remind the public that scientists come fabulously coiffed, too.

National Organization Taunting Safety and Fairness Everywhere (NOTSAFE): NOTSAFE believes that constant regulation errodes our freedom, and the best way to combat regulation is to ridicule it. Mottos: LIVELLAFOTOREHTSITNEMNREVOG. Protecting Everyone from Everything at Any Cost.

No Kidding! The International Social Club for Childless and Childfree Couples and Singles: I think that says it all.

The Paranormal and Ghost Society: Their mission is to seek truth, take photographs, and provide honest reports of paranormal activity.

Peep Researchers: A group which has done numerous scientific experiments on those little marshmallow birds, testing their responses to changes in pressure, temperature, and other external stimuli.

The Society for Basic Irreproductible Research: Mission: To perpetuate a resentment against hypocrisy, to encourage the abhorrence of self-aggrandizement, to deplore the arrogance of many peole, especially in government, to encourage people who call an outrageous exaggeration a lie, and to avoid circumlocution and all of it's aspects.

Dave: The Expansion Pack

So, the other day, Dave looked at my blog and was bummed that he wasn't mentioned in it. Frankly, since he wasn't part of a recent dating escapade, I hadn't thought to add him in. However, I did (see previous posting) and he replied with a bunch of other Dave/Di stories he thinks that the world should know. Here is a brief synopsis (details provided upon request):

• Dave was going out with the Crack Whore (and I use "going out" loosely), got stoned at her house one night, and couldn't find his way home. I get a call from "Somewhere on Highway 100" to come get him...but he had no idea where he was.
• Although I wanted him never to have the Crack Whore in my car, he did, and apprently she pleasured herself for him...in traffic.
• Dave once digitally anally raped Scabby. He claims it was an accident, but I'm pretty sure that he enjoyed it. As a result, Scabby's head is too small for his body.
• In college, Dave barfed in my bathroom, cleaned it up with my bath towel, and threw said towel in the tub for me to find. He still thinks that's the funniest fucking thing ever.
• There is a picture of my ass (etc) out there in the world. The less said about that, the better.
• Dave continues to bitch about the fact that I once drank all his Midori (and I didn't drink ALL of it, but I sure did drink it while I was working campus security....go ahead, MSU...take away my seven dollars an hour!), just to have a reason to bitch at me. (And this is backed up by an email of 6.9.05 yay!)
• Dave let me borrow the Lieberwagon to an interview in the Cities (during college). One had to short out the engine to make it go, and the Wagon had been having a bad day. My mom was so horrified when I showed up in the Wagon hat I never had to beg a ride again.

And, now you know.

"Too Much Christmas"

I'd like to take a moment now to mention my friend Dave, who did not make it into the old blog, and is now having a bit of a crisis because of it. He's a swell guy, even if he lives in Sioux Falls. He and his wife Jenn are expecting their first baby, and I am looking forward to having a little Hatt to corrupt.

Jebus DOES Answer Prayers!

Thank you, Jebus!

Got the message below from last night's date:

Thanks for joining me for dinner last night. The food was good as was the conversation. However to be honest, I felt more of a friend vibe than any real chemistry…so not sure what happens from here….?

Dear Jebus

Oy.

Just got back from another first date. For those of you that are just joining us, I have been out of the dating pool for a while, and am not back trying to find Mr. Right. Or at least Mr. Doesn't Make Me Vomit.

So, I found this one on The Onion Personals. I tend to likeThe Onion cause it has relatively nifty and liberal guys - for the most part you don't get supporters of the Moral Majority on that one.

This guy seemed pretty cool - divorced, couple of kids that live at a distance (sorry to be petty, but I kind of like it like that), employed. Talked over email for a couple days, and then he asked me out. We made arrangements to meet at the Roasted Pear in Burnsville, which I had never heard of.

Met him there tonight. The Roasted Pear is a restaurant that is trying to be unique, but has all the signs of something that is going to soon emerge into a chain. It has good, but not terribly interesting food, and the ambiance leaves a bit to be desired - bad, bad music and the decor isn't really pulled together. It looks kind of like a Bakers Square that's tried to class itself up.

Here are some of the evening's hightlights:

• We sit, and he orders wine. Zinfandel. Now, again call me petty, but I beleive that you can tell a lot about a person by their selection in alcohol. In my world, real men don't drink lite beer. They also don't drink Zinfandel. That's too wussy even for me.
• I am informed that I can order anything that I want...as long as it's not over four dollars. And then he chuckles at his own cleaverness.
• He uses the "quotation marks" with "everything" including "things" that don't need to "be". And it's "fucking annoying".
• Divorced (not that there's anything wrong with that), and not sure where he's "at" emotionally. Was "very depressed" this winter, and seems to have some good anger toward the X (again, not that there's anything wrong with that - I hate mine with an unholy passion most days - but it's not exactly date material).
• Christian. Very much so. Weekly church services and daily prayers. Again, ok...but not for me.
• Thinks that the Minneapolis smoking ban is ridiculous, and doesn't beleive that the government should interfere with private business (yes, do we smell a bit of Republican here)?
• When I ordered a salad, he wanted to know if I had something against meat. My salad actually included chicken and bacon (and again cemented my theory that Everything is Better with Bacon).
• Found out I had pets - wanted to know if I was a "Cat Lady."
• Disclosed that he doesn't have any money (who the hell does?), and that he bought a house he can't afford, has no cash and lots of credit, so if he wants something, he'll "just buy it" on credit, and gave me a rundown of all the useless things that he's bought in the last few days...all on plastic...

Now, he's not a bad person, just a total social moron, and lacking in any kind of idea of dating etiquette. He's SO not my lobster.

And, of course, he thinks I'm fabulous, and will be emailing me tomorrow. Today's Poll: How do you tell someone that you know, in your heart, is going to continue to ask you out with a determination that would made Lance Armstrong a pushover, that you would really prefer if he lost your number???