Friday, February 18, 2005

Some Fun Facts....From Sara and John

  • A dime has 118 ridges around the edge (you may count them if you'd like )
    A cat has 32 muscles in each ear.
    A crocodile cannot stick out its tongue.
    A dragonfly has a life span of 24 hours.
    A goldfish has a memory span of three seconds.
    A "jiffy" is an actual unit of time for 1/100th of a second.
    A shark is the only! fish that can blink with both eyes.
    A snail can sleep for three years.
    Al Capone's business card said he was a used furniture dealer.
    All 50 states are listed across the top of the Lincoln Memorial on the back of the $5 bill.
    Almonds are a member of the peach family.
    An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
    Babies are born without kneecaps. They don't appear until the child reaches 2 to 6 years of age!
    Butterflies taste with their feet.
    Cats have over one hundred vocal sounds. Dogs only have about 10.
    Dreamt" is the only English word that ends in the letters "mt".
    February 1865 is the only month in recorded history not to have a full moon.
    In the last 4,000 years, no new animals have been domesticated. !
    If the population of China walked past you, in single file, the line would never end because of the rate of reproduction.
    If you are an average American, in your whole life, you will spend an average of 6 months waiting at red lights.
    It's impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.
    Leonardo Da Vinci invented the scissors.
    Maine is the only state whose name is just one syllable.
    No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver, or
    purple.
    On a Canadian two dollar bill, the flag flying over the Parliament
    building is an American flag.
    Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never
    stop growing.
    Peanuts are one of the ingredients of dynamite.
    Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated.
    Stewardesses" is the longest word typed with only the left hand and
    "lollipop" with your right.
    The average person's left hand does 56% of the typing.
    The cruise liner, QE2, moves only six inches for each gallon of diesel that it burns.
    The microwave was invented after a researcher walked by a radar tube and
    a chocolate bar melted in his pocket.
    The sentence: "The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog" uses every
    letter of the alphabet.
    The winter of 1932 was so cold that Niagara Falls froze completely solid.
    The words 'racecar,' 'kayak' and 'level' are the same whether they are read left to right or right to left (palindromes).
    There are 293 ways to make change for a dollar.
    There are more chickens than people in the world.
    There are only four words in the English language which end in "dous":
    tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and hazardous
    There are two words in the English language that have all five vowels in
    order: "abstemious" and "facetious."
    There's no Betty Rubble in the Flintstones Chewables Vitamins.
    Tigers have striped skin, not just striped fur.
    TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters only on one row of the keyboard.
    Winston Churchill was born in a ladies' room during a dance.
    Women blink nearly twice as much as men. !
    Your stomach has to produce a new layer of mucus every two weeks;
    otherwise it will digest itself.
    If you yell for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would produce enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.
    If you fart consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.
    The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.
    A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death.
    Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.
    The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off.
    The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the
    length of a football field.
    The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.
    The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.
    Right-handed people live, on average, for nine years longer than left-handed
    people.
    Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump.
    A cat's urine glows under a black light.
    Starfish have no brains.
    Polar bears are left-handed.

Monday, February 14, 2005

Happy Valentine's Day

From Suzanne:

My plan for Valentine's Day:

Take self out for nice dinner.
Romance self with Mexican food and salsa.
Take self home for a few drinks; try to get self slightly drunk.
Try to take advantage of myself.

My dear friend, remember that there are many kinds of love.

26 Questions Sarah Has Always Wanted Answers To....

Hell, maybe some other people would like the answers, too!

1) What's the best gift you've ever received, and why?
A red umbrella for my 7th birthday - it was exactly what I wanted (I have no idea why I was so into umbrellas, but there you go). It was also the year that my mom told me that she couldn't afford to throw me a roller-skating birthday party like all of my friends were having....but then managed to arrange it and make it a surprise for me.

2) What one class would you like to re-attend (from grade school all the way up?)
Hmm....probably my 11th grade psychology class. Mrs. Partington was really cool (in my itty-bitty high school, she was also the English teacher) and taught a lot about the paranormal and cults, etc - the part that I was always really interested in. Guess it's no wonder I was an X-Phile later in life.....

3) What's the earliest phone number you've had that you can remember?
944-7330. The phone number at the house we lived in when I was 5-15.

4) Describe your mood today by telling me which album you know that would most closely match it.
"The Beauty of the Rain" Only I'd have to change it to snow. Yay for sticky, pretty snow!

5) What made you pick the institution of higher education that you attended (or did not attend)?
Well, when I graduated from high school, there were two dilemmas: (1) I didn't know if my family would be moving soon (we were in IA at the time) and (2) I did not -repeat- did not want to live at home and go to community college like my parents wanted me to. So, what did I do? We moved to MN, and I went to community college and lived at home like my parents wanted me to. (As they refused to release their financial records so I could get loans, etc, it was about my only option, as I could pay for it). After I was done at Normandale, I was going to go to the U and keep my HR job (although the U did not, at that time, have an HR major, I figured the work experience was more valuable than the actual degree). Well, I got laid off from that job the summer I finished my Associate's, so I moved down to Mankato because they were the only state (read: cheap) school that had my major.

6) Which of the following common ailments do you find most annoying, and for what reason? Chapped lips, paper cuts, blemishes.
Well, I deal with blemishes pretty much all the time, so I can't be annoyed by them too much, as it takes up too much energy/time. I'm gonna say paper cuts - they hurt like h3ll, and they are always in the MOST inconvenient place.

7) Why would you / did you befriend a disorganized, melodramatic, neurotic brainiac like me?
Cause I got you in the divorce. :)
Wow - that's a hard one. We knew each other for quite a while before we were really friends - you took me under your wing after FW left, and proved to be a marvelous human being, as well as my separated at birth twin. I know I can always talk to you and get an honest opinion - even if I don't like it. And I think that is a really rare quality and one that I value in you. And, you keep getting me hooked on new and exciting crafts, blast you. :)

8) Tell me the nicest compliment you can remember getting.
"Di has stories....and they're all true...."

9) What's the world's best scent, and why?
The smell of that special someone...I bet I could pick all of my ex's out of a lineup....

10) Why is garlic in all the dishes that are served in "romantic" restaurants?
Cause if it's really love, garlic breath doesn't matter.

11) What's the best part about the job you have right now?
Getting to help people figure out their complicated medical bills/claims, and teaching them how to do it later so that they are more informed consumers.

12) Why did women decide to toss aside their dresses and shoes for pants and workboots? How come we don't dress like ladies anymore?
I think there are two reasons: (1) as women entered the business world, they no longer wanted to dress like ladies, as that drew more attention to them as women, and less as co-workers (cause we all know women just aren't capable...). And (2), bloody uncomfortable!!

13) What do you imagine is said about you most often when you leave a room?
"Bitch"

14) Who do you most miss in your life right now?
My grandparents

15) What do you think Mona Lisa is smiling at?
Jeez, can't the poor woman have any secrets?

16) Of what ancestral heritage are you most proud to claim, and why?
My Irish - interesting history, allowance to drink all I want, and a beautiful homeland. What more can a girl want?

17) What holiday do you most dread, and why?
Thanksgiving. One reason: The Waltons all day marathon. God save me from John Boy.

18) Why, oh why, does Microsoft make god-forsaken counterintuitive products that still manage to get used in every organization I have ever worked for?
Because Bill Gates is Satan, and his supporters (ie, head honchos of corporations) need to support their won.

19) What do you think MY job entails (I know what I do, but I don't know what other people think...)
Uh, instructional design? I think you get topics that the average person should know about to do their job - but don't - and then make fun and creative training presentation for them. I bet that they walk away from those feeling refreshed, energized, and ready to do a good job as a CSR. :)

20) What ARE all the words to "It's the End of the World As We Know It?"
That’s great, it starts with an earthquake, birds and
Snakes, an aeroplane and lenny bruce is not afraid
Eye of a hurricane, listen to yourself churn - world
Serves it’s own needs, dummy serve your own needs. feed
It off an aux speak, grunt, no, strength, ladder
Start to clatter with fear fight down height. wire
In a fire, representing seven games, a government
For hire and a combat site. left of west and coming in
A hurry with the furies breathing down your neck. team
By team reporters baffled, trumped, tethered cropped
Look at that low playing! fine, then. uh oh,
Overflow, population, common food, but it’ll do. save
Yourself, serve yourself. world serves it’s own needs,
Listen to your heart bleed dummy with the rapture and
The revered and the right, right. you vitriolic,
Patriotic, slam, fight, bright light, feeling pretty
Psyched
It’s the end of the world as we know it
It’s the end of the world as we know it
It’s the end of the world as we know it and I feel fine
Six o’clock - tv hour. don’t get caught in foreign
Towers. slash and burn, return, listen to yourself
Churn. locking in, uniforming, book burning, blood
Letting. every motive escalate. automotive incinerate
Light a candle, light a votive. step down, step down
Watch your heel crush, crushed, uh-oh, this means no
Fear cavalier. renegade steer clear! a tournament,
Tournament, a tournament of lies. offer me solutions,
Offer me alternatives and I decline
(chorus)
It’s the end of the world as we know it (it’s time I had some time alone)
It’s the end of the world as we know it (it’s time I had some time alone)
It’s the end of the world as we know it and I feel fine (it’s time I had some time alone)
I feel fine
(repeat chorus)
The other night I dreamt of knives, continental
Drift divide. mountains sit in a line, leonard
Bernstein. leonid brezhnev, lenny bruce and lester
Bangs. birthday party, cheesecake, jelly bean, boom! you
Symbiotic, patriotic, slam book neck, right? right
(repeat chorus)
It’s the end of the world as we know it
It’s the end of the world as we know it
It’s the end of the world as we know it and I feel fine (it’s time I had some time alone)
(repeat chorus 2x)
Fine
It’s the end of the world as we know it (it’s time I had some time alone)

21) Tell me about a secret indulgence in which you love to partake, but not very many others know about.
Fudge Stripes. God, I love Fudge Stripes. That's why I can't have them at home - I'll eat the entire package in two days. If that.

22) What's the best "family name" you've got a claim to (IE, your uncle Egebert...)?
Jagertha VanSickle. No lie. A distant great aunt, I believe.

23) Quick - you're invited to a dinner party. What's the most tempting menu you hope to be offered?
Anything cheesy and meaty. But especially cheesey.

24) When is the last time you hand-wrote and mailed (with postage) a paper letter?
Friday. I write five letters a week to clients.

25) Think way back: what was the best art project you ever did while in school? What made it so fantastic?
I SUCKED at art. I'm not terribly creative visually, and I have zero hand eye coordination - have you SEEN my handwriting?? Probably the best thing (or the one that I remember) was a pillow I made in Home Ec in 7th grade - it matched my room (peach and green - it was the 80's). It two E's back to back - one for Edina (yes, I hail from there) and one for Elizabeth (my middle name, but I always liked it better than my first name). It's fuzzy. :)

26) You're very, very late to something incredibly important one morning, and you are also wickedly hung over. You have to choose to do only one of the following: you either get to shower or drink coffee. You can't do both; which do you pick, and why?
Shower. I may be a total bee-youch without my caffeine, but I cannot be seen in public without a shower. My hair would frighten small children, and now that it's short, I can't tame it as well as I used to be able to...

Friday, February 11, 2005

How Many Men Does It Take To Lift a Woman's Spirit?

From This American Life, 1995. A woman unplugs her toaster, wraps the cord around it, and suddenly her apartment is empty.

I am two weeks away from the big move. Although I have been wanting this move for almost a year - since the day after FW left - I have found that I am unmotivated to get it going. Why?

This is IT. This apartment is the final tie to my marriage - the place we lived together the longest, the place that I came back to after others had not worked out (it was the marriage, and not the venue, that was flawed?). In two weeks, I will live in an apartment that is - for the first time in three years - mine. Fresh. With no memories. Somewhere I cannot picture him in, where he will not be allowed to be seen out of the corner of my eye. I will sleep in a bedroom where no one has been invited, and put my clothes in a closet that is only for me.

And, while I am happy to be making this move, and to leave the 60's cinder block cookie dough beige hell that I have been living in, the thought that this is the final step away from my marriage, and from the person that I thought I loved (and, for perhaps, a brief while, I really did love), gives me pause. What is left of me in this place? And what part of me will I leave behind when I slip the keys under the door?

Wednesday, February 09, 2005

Things I Learned About Myself

It is not the goal but the way there that matters, and the harder the way the more worthwhile the journey ~ Wilfred Thesiger

The whole Dean Drama is over.

After worrying about it, and being more nervous for out meeting than for anything else I can think of in recent memory, it's all done.

I went to meet him at the Indian place by my work, and he was way late - so late that I was thinking that I'd been stood up, and was about to head to McDonald's for sustenance, and back to work. I saw him, finally, standing outside waiting for me. I leaned out the front door and asked, "You didn't think I was going to stand out here and freeze my ass off waiting for you, did you?"

We had lunch - buffet - and talked. Got caught up on what had happened in the three and a half years since we'd last seen each other (that was the first question he asked - how long as it been?). He's still cute. He's still funny. He still has a great job and loves public radio, and goes fishing for muskie.

And, during the lunch, the realization finally came to me that, despite all the thoughts to the contrary over the last three and a half years - through all the times I thought of him while I was married, and all the times I fantasized about getting back together after the marriage ended - he is not my lobster.

Maybe he was three and a half years ago. Maybe he was perfect for the 26-year-old Di, the one that wanted to save him, and was amused by his constant commentary on those around him. But the 29-year-old Di needs more, and doesn't want to live n the 'burbs, and has experienced too much to settle with someone who doesn't see things the same way. I saw that if, by some chance, he lost the two year girlfriend (with whom things are "fine", but he wants to flirt with me), that either I would be back in the same, not-quite-me wife rut, or that I wouldn't be able to satisfy him either, and in a couple of years some other old girlfriend will come out of the woodwork.

No, thanks. I'll keep looking for Lobbie (as Sarah refers to him), and be grateful that I learned my lesson.

Tuesday, February 01, 2005

Dream Journal 2.0

If you want to see the inner workings of my brain at night, check out my new online dream journal at red-headed-stepchild-dreams.blogspot.com.

Regrets....I've had a few....

And one of them sent me an email last week.

About three and a half years ago, I met Dean on Yahoo personals (back when they were free!). After a bunch of emails (like, 20 a day) we got together - our first date was at the MIA, and due to an ongoing joke we'd had about my knees, I bought my first short skirt in years to wear to the date (I still have it). He was wounded (just like I like 'em) from a recent divorce. We hit it off, talked for hours.

Went out a few more times - took him to the fire tower in my St. Paul neighborhood (I was hoping he'd kiss me - he didn't). We both got off early on September 11, and hung out that afternoon, talking about what had gone on.

He went on a sabbatical in late September - the company he worked for at the time gave every employee six paid weeks off every four years to do whatever you wanted. He rented a cabin in Wisconsin to go muskie fishing (he's a fanatic). Kissed me for the first time as he was leaving my place the night before he left. Called me from a bar in town (no phone in the cabin) the last weekend of his sabbatical, and decided to come home early to see me. Made out like bandits that night, until he ran away. Didn't hear from him for a couple weeks.

In the meantime, I meet FW. Shagged him. Had to tell Dean that I couldn't see him anymore, because my rule of thumb is once you shag someone, you should not be shagging anyone else (and I SO SO wanted Dean...but he wasn't ready).

Two months later, Dean emailed me to see if it was his turn. But I was already engaged...he lamented the bad timing.

Flash forward two years. FW has left me. The divorce is in the works. And I swear on everything that is sacred to me, one of the first thoughts I had after FW left was, I need to get in contact with Dean.

Because, I had never forgotten about him. Regretted that I had given him up for FW - someone who so could have been a match for someone who so wasn't. Thought about him all the time. And even FW knew it - one time when he was lamenting about how I could have done better, I told him about Dean, and, trying to be a good wife, told him that I had chosen HIM over someone who was successful in his career, owned his own home, etc. And I think that he knew that I was carrying a torch for Dean.

So, I did a bit of research, and while I couldn't remember his email address, I did find his real address online. So, I dropped him a card - hey, how you doing, wanna catch up sort of thing. Figured I'd never hear anything.

Two days later, I got an email from Dean.

Then followed three days of flirtatious email. Very steamy. When I finally asked him out, he informed me that he had a gf. Not cool. But lamented how he should have taken the opportunity that was presented to him in the past. Told me that he was still kicking himself, and had replayed that night over and over in his mind, but changed the ending....

So, I wrote him off. Had a girlfriend. Well, at least I knew. Bad timing again. And maybe just not meant to be altogether. Being the sentimental fool that I am, I kept all of his emails. Finally decided it was stupid a couple weeks ago, and deleted them all.

Last Friday, I got an email from him:

So.... Hi... :) For some odd reason I feel the compelling need to say hi. :)

Again, a couple of days of steamy emails. Still kicking himself. Still has a girlfriend. I got fed up, and sent the following:

I am indeed a redhead. And you know what they say about redheads.

Listen up, cause I'm gonna say this once. And please excuse me if I'm blunt, but I never picked up that HR niceness that I probably should have. But I have always been very, very sorry that I let you out of my life due to my impatience, and gave up something that could have been really good for that wanker I married. But I did, and it can't be undone. Bad timing, indeed.

I thought of you often - very often - during my marriage, which was not a good one, and was something that I regretted from the very beginning. One of my first thoughts after my ex moved out was that I should get in contact with you, and see if perhaps we could start from where we left off. Well, of course your life had moved on - as well it should - and we were again subject to bad timing. But, I had to know.

And, now, ten months after I last hear from you, I get a hi, and a few days of some pretty steamy emails. But, you have a girlfriend. And that's fine - but I've been in enough relationships - good and bad - to know that when one of the parties is looking up an old flame, something is not right in the relationship.

It's not for me to judge, nor tell you what to do, or give unsolicited advice.
But I've also been the "other woman" enough to know that I won't do it again - in any capacity.

I deserve better - and want more from you - than a string of sexy emails. You need to live your life the way you see fit, and so do I. And part of me living my life is not allowing myself to be played like this.

The response I got:

Fair enough, and I fully deserve far harsher words. You are right, you deserve more. Actually you are right about a whole lot. You're right to want more, you're right about my current relationship. And I appologize, it really isn't my MO to be a jerk.

My lunch offer stands, as a platonic jesture, to catch up on two ships who have crossed paths.


So, I've agreed to have lunch with him - tomorrow. And I'll wear a short skirt, and be all sorts of fabulous. And he'll see what he's missed out on. And so will I. As much as I would like to think that he'll be overwhelmed by me and immediately dump the gf and declare his undying love for me, I know that won't happen. But a girl can always dream, can't she....?

Wednesday, January 19, 2005

Mensa Words

Every year, there is a contest where people can take an existing word, change one letter to make a new word, and define it. Here are this year's winners:

Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly

Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.
Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.

Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.

Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.

Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease.

Karmageddon: When everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes and then the Earth explodes.

Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

Glibido: All talk and no action.

Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.

Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.

Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an asshole

And, here, the Sara(h)s use their new words in conversation:

Haggerty:
We've been kicking around the idea of moving into another home, but the thought of being any more cashtrated than we already are is too painful.

Camerer:
Just think, if you got a larger home, you might be a victim of giraffiti. With your height issue, it would be difficult for you to clean this off without a ladder.

Haggerty:
If I fell off a ladder and died cleaning my large home's roof, I would hope that John would not end up with osteopornosis in my absence.

Haggerty:
Who do you think George W. Bush was before he was reintarnated as a Texas politician?

Camerer:
Perhaps he was a man with a lot of glibido, something he still suffers from today.

Camerer:
Why do white men, in general (as in not Jimmy at least), look like they are having a arachnoleptic fit when they try to dance?

Haggerty:
I regularly experience the presence of beelzebug in the upper room of the cabin on July weekends.

Camerer:
The only time that I can survive a dose of decafalon is when I am not working and I can sleep until 9 AM and eat late meals that end up being healthy because I am too lazy to fix anything but a salad.

Haggerty:
I am looking forward to the annual celebration of intaxication that will happen in February or March this year, no matter how small or fleeting the money may be.

Camerer:
John Cosgrove is the only person that makes me feel like I have a bozone issue. Thank god, it's only for one night a month that I feel this way and that many others experience this as well!

Haggerty:
It is safely said that Sara's last two bosses at Mervyn's could both be classified as complete ignoranuses.

Camerer:
People seem to succumb to the Dopeler Effect when they are looking for solutions in the workplace. This is why our careers in HOD will be steady and entertaining for us.

Haggerty:
I'm afraid that our good friend Dave has a serious case of hipatitis. I hope that it is contagious.

Camerer:
I tend to experience a lot of sarchasm when I am emailing/IMing people who do not understand my sense of humor. I tend to confuse them because they think I am being serious for some reason.

Haggerty:
Because John didn't tell me he was sleeping in today, I had to inoculatte myself at Caribou this morning.

Camerer:
I almost gaged and turned caterpallor when I looked at the apple I bit into and found half a bug sticking out. I promptly spit that piece of apple out!

Haggerty:
The duck blog was fun when it started, but quickly turned into Karmageddon before the holidays. (tee hee hee)

Camerer:
When Diana uses Match.com to meet men, she has to filter through a lot of foreploy in order to find a guy that is a keeper. Too bad her foreploy meter is out of service.

Friday, January 14, 2005

Monday, January 10, 2005

More Quotes of the Day

Man, Sarah just keeps finding them!


Life is just a mirror, and what you see out there, you must first see inside of you. Wally 'Famous' Amos (1936 - )


A bookstore is one of the only pieces of evidence we have that people are still thinking.
Jerry Seinfeld (1954 - )

Thursday, January 06, 2005

Quote of the Day

"The manner in which one endures what must be endured is more important
than the thing that must be endured."
Dean Acheson

Monday, January 03, 2005

2005.....Finally!!!!

So, 2004 was the worst year of my entire life (ok, so it's only been 29+ years....it was still a damn bad year!!). Let's review:

  • My Grandpa died
  • Got fired from a job I hated (but at least it paid me....)
  • My husband, the child-molesting thief, left me
  • Temp job - auditing a pension fund.
  • Broke, broke, broke...all year....
  • Scabby's medical emergency (adding to the broke problem)
  • My husband refuses to divorce me!!!
  • Finally, as my divorce becomes final, and it looks like everything is going to be good, find out that ex-psycho landlord, Brad, has put that I skipped on my renter's report, rendering me unable to rent a new place....

So, as the last few minutes of 2004 slipped away, I felt relief. It was literally a physical relief - I stood taller, and along with my friends, began to dance. 2005 may not be the best year of my life (then again, who knows?) but I am so darn glad that 2004 is over, that I will continue to dance for the next 12 months.


My True Names

Darn Barb and her cool things! Although, according to her blog, I should really blame Mushi for guiding me to these sites that reveal my true names....

My Hobbitt Name: Pansy Brandybuck of Buckland
My Elfin Name: Gilraen of Dorthonion
My Vampire Name: Duchess of Drac - known in some parts of the world as Poison of the Underworld
My Indian Name: Katie ElasticJunko
Secret Christmas Name: Fuzzy Dancing-Gnome
Viking Name: Diana the Red
Lesbian Name: Tulip LightRock

Thursday, December 30, 2004

ode to the sensual side of congestion

by sarah haggerty, the goddess of all things:


When she is under the weather,
a sultry temptress emerges
That deep, raspy, masculine voice
like a grandmother who smokes 3 packs a day
sends shivers down any man's spine
And her lips
chapped and swollen from frequent encounters with a box of Kleenex
could you ever desire a more succulent pair of kissable rose petals?

Her face
as white as kindergarten paste
speckled with the crimson of fever
and the blood vessels that surface
after repeated coughing fits
reminds me of a fresh blanket of snow
covered by tiny red cardinals
picking away for their dinner

The lackluster of her eyes
blue tides washed away
in sleepless nights
and drowning in an overdose of Nyquil
They stare vacantly
and she's naked and open as a clean blackboard

Her sweet aroma
stimulates every sense
the stinging of the metholatum
the pinch of eucalyptis
the fire of Robutussin
burns between us as we speak

She moves gracefully
like an old gray mare
too tired to fight her imprisionment any longer
slowly
very slowly
she glides
on a pillow of antihistamine
from work to lunch to work to home to her couch and her bed and her pillow

She's a vision in the slumber of illness
her ruby lips parted
the consistent drone of congested breath
like a songbird on a busy spring morning

She splays herself fully on her resting spot
throws caution to the wind
and lets the cats lie where they may

Magnet of animal attraction
the sensual princess of head colds sleeps

Wednesday, December 22, 2004

What Random Irish Phrase Am I?

Take the quiz: "Which'>http://www.zenhex.com/quiz.php?id=710">"Which Random Irish Gaelic Phrase Are You? "

Ta me air meisce
Ta me air meisce - 'I am drunk.'You enjoy a drink - or five - now and then. You can usually be found in a pub - it doesn't matter which one, because they all look the same after a few drinks - or hugging the porcelain.

Sunday, December 12, 2004

Dogs of Babel

You have taken the finest night in all my company....Had I known but yesterday what I know today, I'd have taken out your two grey eyes and put in eyes of clay. And had I known but yesterday you'd be no more my own, I'd have taken out your heart of flesh and put in one of stone.

I read The Dogs of Babel by Carolyn Parkhurst this weekend, and it was the first book in a long time that captured my attention, and wouldn't let me put it down (may actually have to break down and buy this one!). The story is of a man, Paul, whose wife has just died, and he is not sure whether it is an accident or a suicide, and decides to teach his dog (the only witness) to speak in order to find out.


Saturday, December 11, 2004

My intellegence

Such as it is....

Your Dominant Intelligence is Linguistic Intelligence
http://www.quizdiva.net/bt/linguistic.jpg">>You are excellent with words and language. You explain yourself well.An elegant speaker, you can converse well with anyone on the fly.You are also good at remembering information and convicing someone of your point of view.A master of creative phrasing and unique words, you enjoy expanding your vocabulary.
You would make a fantastic poet, journalist, writer, teacher, lawyer, politician, or translator.



Darn it! Barb finds the coolest things!

In 1975 (the year you were born)
Gerald Ford is president of the US

Evacuation of US civilians from Saigon as Communist forces complete takeover of South Vietnam

FBI agents capture Patty Hearst, who is indicted and convicted of bank robbery

Teamster Jimmy Hoffa disappears without a trace

Marines rescue the crew of the American ship the Mayaguez near Vietnam

First Lady Betty Ford says in an interview that she thinks her children have tried marijuana

Natalie Imbruglia, Drew Barrymore, David Beckham, Enrique Iglesias, Angelina Jolie, and Tiger Woods are born

Cincinnati Reds win the World Series

Pittsburgh Steelers win Superbowl IX

Philadelphia Flyers win the Stanley Cup

Production begins on Star Wars

Jaws and The Rocky Horror Picture Show are the top grossing films

Soul Train premieres on television in the United States

"The Way We Were" (performed by Barbara Streisand) wins the Grammy for best song

Saturday Night Live and Wheel of Fortune premiere

What Happened the Year You Were Born?
More cool things for your blog at

Tuesday, November 30, 2004

Results from LoveMonitor.com

Are you Giving or Taking?
You are Giving. You are a generous, unselfish person. This does not refer specifically to money, but also to less tangible things like your time, your help and your emotional support. You'll be best-matched with someone who's opposite to you in this respect, so look for someone who's a Taker if you want to make your life complete. You're best matched with a Taker.

Are you Committed or Free?
You are Committed. You have a tendency to seek a relationship that is close, intimate and exclusive. This can be a beautiful thing, but you should avoid making it too clinging or possessive. Committed people like yourself are likely to be happiest with a partner who is also Committed. You're best matched with another Committed person.

Are you a Boss or a Slave?
You are Slave. It would seem that you derive pleasure from serving your partner and tending to their pleasure. Men often prefer to be the boss, and women to be the slave, but we can all think of notable reversals on this pattern. As a Slave, you'll almost certainly be most content in a relationship with someone who has a personality which is more dominant than yours. You're best matched with a Boss.

Are you Quiet or Exciting?
You are Quiet. In general you tend to be a quieter, retiring, introvert personality and you'll do best with someone else who is similarly inclined. You could therefore share subdued interests such as reading or golf. You're best matched with another Quiet person.