Di Has Stories....(And They're All True)

The Post Christmas/Pre-Holiday Blog Dump

2007-12-26T21:57:00.001-06:00

Ok, all you folks out there in teh internets. I'm heading out for a couple of weeks and you can just forget about any kind of updating on the blog. I have better things to do in Ireland than sit in internet cafes (although my parents seem to think I should be emailing them every day - right). To keep you amused, here are the links that I've found over the last few weeks.

on Flickr - Photo Sharing!
My favorite internet-celebrity hedgehog, Clementine, having her picture taken for Xmas:

A couple more signs I'd like to add to the hedgie collection:
Duvberg on Flickr - Photo Sharing!

on Flickr - Photo Sharing!

And, in the best of all possible worlds: Hedgehog graffiti:
Hedgehog and boomboxes on Flickr - Photo Sharing!

Cute Overload! :)
The best Cute Overload of Late:
You're sucking my eyeball out (I love giraffes!)
Dainty Paws (hegie-licious)
Waaaay too many joke possibilities

And of course, the best from I Can Has Cheezburger. I'm not sure how I'd get through the day without the laughs ICHC provides me....
Ur flavr. It hurtz me. « Lolcats ‘n’ Funny Pictures - I Can Has Cheezburger?
My interest « Lolcats ‘n’ Funny Pictures - I Can Has Cheezburger?
the hand « Lolcats ‘n’ Funny Pictures - I Can Has Cheezburger?
the modelz « Lolcats ‘n’ Funny Pictures - I Can Has Cheezburger?
curious kitteh « Lolcats ‘n’ Funny Pictures - I Can Has Cheezburger?
BACON « Lolcats ‘n’ Funny Pictures - I Can Has Cheezburger?
This is the pick of the month!!

The best posts from some of my favorite blogs:
Pre-holiday Fluff Cavalcade Five: A Very Obese Bird « Shapely Prose
The Future Ain’t Bright - Fat Doctor
Greta Christina's Blog: "The Lord is spanking us"
Life, What the hell is going on?: Stoopid People.
Life, What the hell is going on?: Just a thought...
Life, What the hell is going on?: Quick! Get the Lysol!
Out of Character: P.S. Fire everyone in your marketing department immediately.
SNAFU-ed .... Subtle Butt Disposable Gas Neutralizers: $9.95 for Peace of Mind
SNAFU-ed .... Need a Good Holiday Gift? "Reserve a Spot in Heaven" for a Friend!
Spaghetti Harvest » Crazy is not as crazy does.

John A. Wheeler

"If you haven't found something strange during the day, it hasn't been much of a day."

Link

SheFinds.com - A Body Scrub That Really Works

From Overheard in the Office:

Chewbacca's Agent Finally Snaps

By Djlindee
on Employees

Worker bee: Your poor interpersonal communication skills are not my fault. They are my problem, because I have to deal with you, but they are not my fault.

519 Westport Parkway
Grapevine, Texas

Overheard by: DeadEyeDusty

Relax -- That's Just Canadian for "Good Morning"

By Djlindee
on Customer Service

Overworked CSR: Sir, at any point in our conversation today did I provide you with my name?
Customer: No.
Overworked CSR: Good -- fuck you [hangs up].

Toronto, Ontario
Canadia

Allow Me to Demonstrate

By Djlindee
on Dumb Employees

Manager: What motivates you to do your best job possible?
Interviewee: Well, I don't do anything half-assed... Yeah, I like to put my whole ass into everything I do.

1158 Howard Street
San Francisco, California

Overheard by: Kirsten

From Overheard in New York:

But My Bench Press Is Up 50 Pounds!

Girl #1: Are you going to call me on my birthday? Huh? Huh?
Girl #2: What is it, the 23rd?
Girl #1: No!
Girl #2: Oh, the 24th.
Girl #1: Yeah.. If my friends don't blindfold me and get me wasted...
Girl
#2: Oh... Yeah, I will call you. Listen, I'm sorry I'm not more chatty.
I just got out of the hospital and the doctors put me on steroids,
which have the unfortunate effect of turning me into a total cunt.

--Olive Garden, Times Square

How Could You Not Love This Town?

Cashier: How are you?
Customer: Do you want the honest answer?
Cashier: Yes.
Customer:
I feel like the business end of a donkey. I am extremely hungover and
did a mountain of cocaine last night. Now I have to make dinner for a
68-year-old gay artist who is trying to fuck me.
Cashier: I'm... sorry.
Customer:
And the woman I love is in another state pregnant with her
ex-boyfriend's baby, and I wish the baby was mine. And I'm sleeping
with a dominatrix. And it's all true.

--Whole Foods

Difficult to Flatter, Too

Girl with petition: You look like a nice guy!
Suit: You're fucking right I am! [Keeps walking.]

--68th & Broadway

Overheard by: Pierre Fresnay

The Giant Ones Who Live in the Sewers Are Especially Nasty

Queer #1: Christians are the most vile creatures on this planet.
Queer #2: Shhh... They'll hear you!

--13th St, between Greenwich & 7th Ave

From Overheard Everywhere:

She Won't Accept the Solution I Worked Out

Nerdy Asian guy: My friend is having a problem...
Drunk Asian guy: Can you solve it with your penis?

UCLA
California

Overheard by: Amused

The Cell Reception Is Atrocious

Frustrated
mom: For the love of God, stop crying! If you don't stop, I'm going to
shove you back in my uterus, close my legs, and never let you out!
Crying little boy: No! I don't like it in there!

San Francisco, California

The Best from Boing Boing:
Web Zen: bacon zen - Boing Boing
KnitML: standards-defined knitting patterns - Boing Boing
Injured hedgehogs and cute/sad photo - Boing Boing
Collector asks for your 1968 pennies - Boing Boing
Secret photo archives of the Mutter Museum: haunting book of Victorian pathological curiosities - Boing Boing

http://fantasygoat.livejournal.com/

http://loltheist.com/2007/12/21/may-his-noodly-appendage-grace-your-drapes-this-season/

Honey, this one is for you. I know you love this sign:

I have been neglecting the link-y goodness

2007-11-27T19:17:00.001-06:00

Holy shit, how is it possibly already the end of November? Now that YEAR END is upon us, I need to actually start getting myself together...not only do I have a metric fuck-ton of work, but in four short weeks I am heading to IRELAND for my honeymoon...and I have nothing planned thus far. :)

So, while I procrastinate a bit more (this time from doing laundry), here are a whole bunch of links I've saved up over the last few weeks.

Embroidery Swap - Patch #4 on Flickr - Photo Sharing!

Awesome. Free form, or a pattern? Should I get out my rusty embroidery skills and try this one out? Wait...wasn't I the one just talking about too much to do??

Wait. Even more awesome: hedgie graffiti

hedgehog on Flickr - Photo Sharing!

Here is me on a swelly day:

Cute Overload! :)

A Story: I haz one.
I saw this picture and thought of one of my high school boyfriends, Chad. He was such a terrible kisser that on our last date, when we had driven up to the lake to make out, I actually said things like, "My goodness...it's almost 8 o'clock. I'd better be getting home!" Yes, that bad. This is kind of what he looked like when he was coming at me for a kiss:
Sweet, crying Baby Jebus, do I love I Can Has Cheezburger. Here's another one, which perfectly describes my day at work:
i try to put on a happy face « Lolcats ‘n’ Funny Pictures - I Can Has Cheezburger?

And some links from the fatosphere. Have I mentioned lately how much happier I am since I decided to love myself just the way I am?
Jumping Through Hoops for Health Insurance | Big Fat Blog
Bias, much? at BABble
Big Fat Delicious: I'm in health warning fatigue: opinion
F-Words: Technically it's not evil - just monstrous
Every Woman Has an Eating Disorder: The Vagina Dialogues
Reality vs. Relativism « Shapely Prose
Body frustration at BABble

And in the crafty goodness world, this is just plain awesome. It's like a crafty advent calendar....whip up » Blog Archive » A Month of Tutorials

Here's how to give a gift to a reader...or not....Bibliolatry: Bibliolatrist's Holiday Gift Guide, 2007

The Hamster Wheel: Overheard
I especially like the picture that he choose to go with it...

Will Durst

"I hate the outdoors. To me the outdoors is where the car is."

not martha
Must remember to use these recipes...and then put the finished goods in these boxes....

What I’ve learned from cats: Davezilla

Dilbert Comic Strip Archive - Dilbert.com - The Official Dilbert Website by Scott Adams - Dilbert, Dogbert and Coworkers!

LOLTheist: Blasphemy is Teh Funneh » Blog Archive » Today Wisconsin, tommorrow the world!

LOLTheist: Blasphemy is Teh Funneh » Blog Archive » Billboard, billboard on the wall, who’s the mightiest of them all?

Consumer Reports corrects "restless leg" drug TV ad - Boing Boing
And THIS, gentle readers, is one of the many reasons that drug companies should not be allowed to advertise. This restless leg syndrome and chronic dry eye....why aren't we working on real fucking diseases?? I better have one of these to calm me down...

A sign that is posted at my work. Ok, it's not, but it should be:

My mom and I like to go to antique shows/flea markets. At the ones at the Fairgrounds, and sometimes elsewhere, there is a dealer that has a "garden shed." Gosh, if I didn't know better, I'd think that the two holes in the handy "shelf" were for another purpose...I saw this on my Mpls. Flickr feed this morning, and it made me think that this would be the perfect urban "garden shed".
DSC_1284 on Flickr - Photo Sharing!

So, I thought the best bacon gig in town was the Bacon Happy Hour, but now I find out at about this at Manny's....Best Bacon Ever on Flickr - Photo Sharing!

Damn Cool Pics: The Hanging Coffins of Sagada

Woman dies from religious snakebite incident, family sues hospital at Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster

an affirmation of hope at Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster

license plate at Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster

In America, Nonbelievers Find Strength in Numbers at Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster

Old, Old Ones

2007-10-16T20:21:00.001-05:00

Boing Boing: People committing eternal sin on YouTube

The topic of some debate on Flickr - Photo Sharing!
I'm for dessert.

And what would the weekly blog dump be without Love Graffiti?
buddha*hearts on Flickr - Photo Sharing!

The Vatican's product recall. - By Timothy Noah - Slate Magazine

Moving....

2007-05-18T14:52:00.000-05:00

....Blogger isn't doing it for me either. Upon recommendation and research, I'm moving on up to Wordpress. You can now see me here: http://dihasstories.wordpress.com/

C'mon...go there.

(Well, at least set up your RSS feed...nothing new is there yet. I'm moving all the archives and stuff over...)

Avoidance of Real Work with a Quiz

2007-05-16T15:12:00.001-05:00

Your EQ is 140

50 or less: Thanks for answering honestly. Now get yourself a shrink, quick!
51-70: When it comes to understanding human emotions, you'd have better luck understanding Chinese.
71-90: You've got more emotional intelligence than the average frat boy. Barely.
91-110: You're average. It's easy to predict how you'll react to things. But anyone could have guessed that.
111-130: You usually have it going on emotionally, but roadblocks tend to land you on your butt.
131-150: You are remarkable when it comes to relating with others. Only the biggest losers get under your skin.
150+: Two possibilities - you've either out "Dr. Phil-ed" Dr. Phil... or you're a dirty liar.

What's Your EQ (Emotional Intelligence Quotient)?

I had no idea I was this freaking adorable

2007-05-15T13:42:00.001-05:00

Questions from the Lovely Jana

2007-05-14T11:48:00.001-05:00

1. suppose, for totally moral but still illegal reasons, you've killed a man. where do you hide the body?

It kinda depends on how I’ve killed him, and what marks it’s left. If I’ve been smart, and made it look like a natural death (what with all the access I have to do things like that), I’d leave him at home, looking like he croaked in front of the TV or in bed. If I’ve done some damage, then I’m gonna want him somewhere that he’s going to rot soon…maybe the woods, with a bit of acid for good measure, a la the Romanovs?

2. if you were only allowed 3 pairs of shoes for the rest of your life, what shoes would they be and why?
Frankly, I hate shoes, and pretty much only have three pair anyway. This is easy! One pair of squishy comfortable sandals, one pair of squishy comfortable boots (probably knee-high so I can wear them with both pants and skirts, since they are my only winter pair) and one pair of black dress shoes.

3. if, instead of going to work next monday, you had to relive a day from your childhood, what would it be?
The day that my parents announced that they were getting divorced, and asked who I wanted to live with. I totally should have gone with my dad. Ah, well.

4. suppose that through a combination of apocalyptic disaster and spontaneous collective memory loss, the human race no longer has the means or knowledge to brew beer. what do you drink when you get home from work?
Although I enjoy a good beer, my tummy doesn’t like it s’much, so as long as we are still creating wine and Bailey’s, I’ll be all good.

5. the perfect chocolate chip cookie: chewy or crunchy?

The perfect chocolate chip cookie is made by the recipe I got from my mother, which is basically a bunch of chocolate chips and nuts held together by a bit of sugar and butter. They are neither chewy or crispy, but that perfect in-between consistency. Mmmm…..

Want your own list of five questions? Drop me a comment and ask for them!

Damn, I love I Can Has Cheezburger

2007-05-14T10:48:00.000-05:00

Check out the original here.

40 Questions

2007-05-09T10:21:00.000-05:00

I got this from Blog Blah Blah, and it said it was forty questions…but I only got 39…I think someone edited along the way!

(1) My uncle once…hung my favorite stuffed animal, a pig named Amanda, from my grandparent’s kitchen table light. That was more than once! He also sent me a nephew card cause it was cheaper, and never shared his sausages in the morning. J

(2) Never in my life…have I been to New York City.

(3) When I was five…my parents got divorced, and my mom and I moved to Minnesota.

(4) High school was...a highly overrated experience, in three states.

(5) I will never forget…my three rules.

(6) I once met…Dean Hagland, who was Langley on The X-Files

(7) There’s this girl I know who…will drop everything to discuss poo with me.

(8) Once, at a bar…I threw my bra at the piano player.

(9) By none, I’m usually…ready for a nap, and to go home.

(10)Last night….I made a new chicken recipe that was quite fantastic, and went shopping with my beloved.

(11)If I only had…someone buy the condo.

(12)Next time I go to church…somebody is probably dead.

(13)Terry Shiavo…should not have become a political entity.

(14)What worries me most is…I won’t do everything that I set out to do in life.

(15)When I turn my head left, I see…pictures of my loved ones, and some work that I’m avoiding.

(16)When I turn my head right, I see…my calendar, my awesome pen holder, and my nifty new mousepad. Oh, and the phone, which I am trying to ignore.

(17)You know I’m lying when…I tell you how very much I love my job, and how I don’t mind that the condo hasn’t sold in more than seven months on the market.

(18)What I miss most about the eighties…hair bands.

(19) If I was a character in Shakespeare, I’d be…trying out all those great Elizabethan curses.

(20)By this time next year…we’ll be in a new house, and working on a family.

(21)A better name for me would be…Swelly McGrumpersons

(22) I have a hard time understanding…people who are such assholes to people they don’t know.

(23) If I ever go back to school, I’ll…finally have figured out what interests me enough to spend that kind of time and money on.

(24) You know I like you if…I try to make you laugh.

(25) If I ever won an award, the first person I’d thank would be…my beloved.

(26) Darwin, Mozart, Slim Pickens & Geraldine Ferraro…turtles, crazy drunk, who?, should have been the first woman VP, but Americans are too dumb.

(27) Take my advice, never…try to tell anyone anything.

(28) A song I love, but do not own is…Lady in Red

(29) If you visit my hometown, I suggest…turning around and leaving posthaste.

(30) Tulips, character flaws, microchips & track stars…on my desktop, I have lots, I’d like to not have one in me please, comfortable shoes.

(31) Why won’t people…stop being such assholes?

(32) If you spend the night at my house…you’ll have to sleep on the floor.

(33) I’d stop my wedding for…the groom not showing up. Thankfully, he did!

(34) The world could do without… disrespect

(35) I’d rather lick the belly of a cockroach than…ride a roller coaster

(36) My favorite blonde is…Carla

(37) Paper clips are more useful than…the training I got for our new system

(38) If I do anything well, it’s…keep people laughing.

(39) And, by the way…you should do this too.

Oh, Yeah. That's MY Sister!

2007-05-09T08:27:00.001-05:00

U of M team wins college quiz bowl again

For the third time in four years, a team from the University of Minnesota has won the national college quiz bowl title.

Last update: May 08, 2007 – 9:07 PM

For the third time in four years, a team from the University of Minnesota has won the national college quiz bowl title.

In a tense back-and-forth final, the U's five-student team beat the University of Southern California in the College Bowl National Championships in Los Angeles over the weekend. Southern Cal was one of three teams the U lost to earlier in the 16-team round-robin tournament.

The U's new trophy joins awards won for national championships in 1984, 1987, 1989, 2004 and 2005.

This year's quiz bowl captain was Andrew Bockover, a senior history and political science major from Rapid City, S.D. Other team members were: Robert Carson, a freshman from Chaska who is studying computer science; Andrew Hart, a freshman from Chanhassen; Meredith Johnson, a junior linguistics major from Edina, and Ezra Lyon, a graduate student in ecology, evolution and behavior from Illinois. He was named to the tournament's all-star team.

College bowl is an extracurricular activity at the U. The question-and-answer game tests general knowledge and quick recall of topics ranging from current events to sports and popular culture.

MARY JANE SMETANKA

New blog

2007-05-08T14:16:00.000-05:00

I'm moving all my bitching about my fat ass over to my new weight loss tracking blog. If you care, check it out here.

Blargh

2007-05-08T14:00:00.001-05:00

This weekend was supposed to be all full of relaxing and just hanging out with my sweetie, but as usual, it just didn’t work out that way. We ran all over doing errands, and then Jeff slept most of Saturday because his sleep schedule has been so screwed up due to all the showing and other stuff interrupting his regular times. Sunday he slept until about two (see above reason, plus he had to work Sunday night), and then we went to his parents’ for a while. I like them just fine, but it’s not exactly a relaxing, quality time thing.

Yesterday I had the day off work because I was going to Mayo to get my test results, and was able to schedule the interview for My Dream Job that afternoon. I woke up at the usual time, drove down to Rochester and…

…nothing. The blood tests didn’t come out as we were hoping, which means that I can’t get into any clinical studies to get the good drugs now. I also worry, since my “official” diagnosis isn’t matching up with what we think is wrong anecdotally, that I may not be able to get the good stuff when it comes out later this year/beginning of next.

I know it’s whiney, and there are lots more people that have worse things wrong with them, but I’m tired of being sick, tired of knowing what will work for me, and not being able to get it. And the fact that it’s so close at hand, and I may still not be able to get it makes me want to drink heavily.

So, on the way home from hearing that good news, I called Jeff and he had just found out that Hackey McSnorey’s apartment is up for sale again…for only four grand more than our asking price, and the re-done inside is (and I quote the lovely Sarah), fucking gorgeous.

I hate Hackey McSnorey.

So, on to more strategizing with the realtor. Boo.

And, something else came up, but it’s not my story to share, so I’m not going to. But let’s just say that when my friends suffer, I ache with them. My heart is a bit broken today.

The only good thing for yesterday was that I had an interview for My Dream Job, and I think it went well. I was a bit headachy and tired (oh, yeah, I’m not sleeping again), so I hope I did ok. They are interviewing one more person, and then will bring the finalists back for a second round, and a decision will be made at the end of next week. Keep all fingers and toes crossed for me!!!

Commando

2007-05-08T13:49:00.001-05:00

Today, for the first day in my adult life, I am so covered in hives that I had to go commando, as I have hives in the place elastic should be. I know that some women do this all the time, but I have to say I DON’T LIKE IT.

I always knew I wouldn't be a good wife

2007-05-08T13:37:00.000-05:00

This Chunk of Time's Blog Dump

2007-05-08T13:36:00.001-05:00

Life, What the hell is going on?: More from the Bloody Stupid Files

It is things like these that make me weep for the future of the human race.

Citizen of the Month » Lillies of the Valley

Lillies of the Valley are my very favorite flower, and I was excited to see a song all about them!

Boing Boing: Petition to restore habeas corpus

Life, What the hell is going on?: Legal System = Broken

May 8th is the BEST DAY EVER

2007-05-08T13:34:00.000-05:00

From Does Today Suck?

1886 - Coca-Cola is sold for the first time. - COOL
Interesting Side Note: Only 8 bottles of the soda was sold for the first 8 months.

So, so sad that I again gave up Coke for a few weeks on my journey to break up with my gut. I'd hoist one in celebration!

Best Conversation of the Day

2007-05-08T08:44:00.000-05:00

Sarah: I need to wander over to st. thomas to pick up my cap and gown (!) over lunch today. Want to come with me? I'm buying lunch while I'm over there...

Di: I'm up for a walk, but started the diet today, so I brought lunch. Me and my gut are breaking up. :)

Sarah: word. I always thought your gut was kind of a selfish whore anyway. ;)

Room

2007-05-04T12:40:00.000-05:00

Last night, my beloved and I had a marital tiff. I’m not going air my laundry here (although I did actually do some real laundry last night, so that was good. You can feel free to breathe the air around me now), and will only say that things are fine between us.

However, it did some to light that Jeff is concerned about how my previous marriage affects ours. We were talking about limits, and how I need him to tell me where his are, and not to be passive aggressive about his needs. He, in return, told me that he usually lets me do whatever I want to do because (a) he doesn’t have a problem with it, and I have better ideas to keep us occupied than he does, and (b) he is always mindful of the fact that FW did limit and control me, and that we’ve discussed how much it frustrates me.

Later last night, I was waiting for the end of my laundry to dry (have I mentioned lately that I can’t wait to have my own laundry machines, so that I don’t have to wait for the neighbors to quit hogging the dryers, and so that I can do laundry any damn time I please?), so sat down to have a little KOL time, and listen to some This American Life.

I was listening to the episode called The Missing Parents Bureau, and was intrigued by this story:

Case Two. Tell it to the Void. We hear a series of letters that originally appeared on the brief-lived, little-known, but well-loved webzine Open Letters. They're written by a woman who signs her name as \"X\" and are addressed to the father of her adolescent son. X has no idea where to send the letters ... but she keeps writing. Since the letters' original publication on the Internet, X has decided to reveal her identity. Her name is Miriam Toews, and her book is called Swing Low, A Life. Her letters were read for us by Alexa Junge. (17 minutes)

Yes, it was interesting because, well, everything Ira does is interesting. And it tapped into my memories of not really knowing where my father was for 22 years, and whether my mother had any regret or feelings about that like this woman did. But what really grabbed me was this line:

You take up a lot of room for a guy who's not here.

yes

Yes

YES!

FW and I have been apart for more than three years. We had a terrible marriage. We had a fairly nasty divorce. And yet I am still learning from and trying not to repeat the mistakes that I made with him. I constantly have to remind myself that Jeff is NOT FW, will not treat me like FW, and even when he’s being a (very occasional) dick, it’s not for the same reasons. This man loves me and respects me and is committed to me, forever. He is not capable of doing the things to me that FW did.

I was fully aware of my own issues regarding my previous marriage, and they have resurfaced a bit as I am now married again. What I didn’t know was the Jeff was always conscious of that as well, and that HE is trying not to be the kind of husband that he thinks I had before.

I’ve heard that, in Christian crowds, one believes that the marriage is made up of three: you, him, and Jesus. I don’t want any deities in my bedroom, thankyouverymuch, but it never occurred to me that this trinity idea was absolutely correct – except that our third is my ex-husband.

I’m lucky in that Jeff has no prior long term relationships, and therefore comes to our marriage relatively baggage-free. We could have a crowd of folks in our bedroom, but instead it’s just the three of us.

When do I get to let this go? When will our marriage be just the two of us? How is it that someone I no longer know, don’t have communication with, and have been away from for years still takes up so much room in my life?

Spring Has Sprung!

2007-05-04T10:57:00.001-05:00

White lilacs
Originally uploaded by Dee Pix.

In the last few days, the leaves and flowers have really been popping around town. This is one of my favorite times of year...I love walking home after work with the smell of lilacs and honeysuckle in the air.

Welcome, Spring!

Welcome Back to Third Grade

2007-05-03T15:09:00.000-05:00

I was just talking to some co-workers about one of the girl’s recent trip to Germany (she just got back) and our supervisor came over and told us to break it up, unless we were all taking our breaks, in which case they were about over.

WTF?

Over the last few months, we have been noticing more and more that we are back in third grade. Even though I am one of the highest performers in the department, I have gotten in “trouble” for “socializing” with my co-workers. Does it affect my volume of work? No – even though I have more assigned to me than anyone else, I can usually get everything done in about two hours. I am literally paid to sit here, and do nothing (that’s why you’ve been getting so many long, long blog posts lately, gentle reader).

Frankly, being able to see other people is one of the main reasons that I work outside the home, instead of having a home-based job. I did that for a while, and I got lonely. I’m an extrovert – I like to have people around me. But the corporate culture that we are in is making it harder and harder to have even casual relationships at work…”socializing” is stealing from the company, and not to be tolerated.

(That being said, because my supervisor is a really nice guy, he just sent us all an email apologizing for breaking up our chat, and that he only came over because someone complained. Seriously? First, get the fuck over yourself. Second, if you have an issue with noise, then stand up and tell us to shut up yourselves. Don’t go running to Daddy to take care of it. I’m not only in third grade, but in third grade in Edina.)

Considering that Organization For Which I Work prides itself on being an organization that “builds relationships” with our members, the very fact that we are not allowed to build relationships with each other is confusing. This is a company of about 200 people, and I can probably only name about 50 of the people that I’d run into in the halls. The departments do not intermingle, and fraternization is not encouraged. In fact, a new policy just took effect that you if you get married to another employee, one of you has to quit. Married people or relatives are not allowed to work here…even in entirely different departments, different roles, with no supervision over the other. So, even though I work with customer service, my husband could not work in the mailroom, and my dad can’t be the corporate trainer.

Is this normal? Are other companies simply expecting you to sit in your cubicle, never talk to you co-workers, and yet build “relationships” with the members? How can I be the best friend of the member in Idaho if I don’t know the last name of the woman in the next cubicle?

Give me your thoughts on this!

Chuck Norris

2007-05-03T13:30:00.001-05:00

I don't know why this Chuck Norris thing strikes me as so funny, but it surely does.

To read a bunch more about Chuck Norris, go here.

GreenDimes

2007-05-02T15:49:00.000-05:00

Hey folks! Check this out!

I discovered a really cool website about a man and his family trying to make a zero net impact on the earth for one year, and found GreenDimes through a comment on how to get rid of junk mail. Sign up here. For only $36 per year, you can eliminate up to 90% of your junk mail, and they plant one tree a month for you. Awesome!

Seek Not…And Ye Shall Find

2007-05-02T12:27:00.001-05:00

meh
Originally uploaded by Яick Harris.

All you single girls out there know this line….Stop looking. As soon as you stop looking, you’ll find him/her. During my stints as a single gal, looking for the Love of My Life, I heard that a million times.

To tell the truth, I thought it was complete shit. I have always been more of a Chance favors the prepared mind sort of girl.

Well, Karma, you’ve shown me who’s boss again.

As we all know, I hate my job. And then I got a call from Kelli, regarding a recruiter position. While I was updating my resume for that, I got a call for my Dream Job: internal benefits with other HR stuff, part time, flexible. While I was at home the afternoon I was supposed to be interviewing (I got rescheduled because the lady I was supposed to talk to is barfing…I’ll see her Friday), I got a call on another job – the same thing I did before here, but for $20K more. I always told Tim I was underpaid.

Oh, did I mention that I have not applied for any jobs in months, nor have I even bothered to update my resume?

While I was busy not looking for a job, we were working on selling the condo. That wasn’t going terribly well, so we decided to try another realtor. We told our old realtor about that on Thursday, and we were supposed to be off the market the next day.

Then, on Monday, I got two requests for showings.

Turns out, we didn’t go off the market until yesterday, and we were getting this interest because another condo in the building went on the market. We were thinking about keeping ours off until that one sold, but OH! It rented this morning, and will not be on the market until at least September. And Hackey McSnorey’s is still undergoing renovation, so he’s off too. We’re the only game in…well, that building, unless you want to spend sixty grand more for an extra bedroom.

And, just to sweeten the deal, we won some sort of drawing with our mortgage broker. Presents!

So, there you go. I decided to hang out at my job for a while, and have three on the table. We take our condo off the market, and get two showings.

I’ll take luck wherever I can get it!

My Blog Worth

2007-04-30T11:50:00.001-05:00

My blog is worth $1,693.62.
How much is your blog worth?

How do I get paid for this??

This Week's Links - with MORE love graffiti!

2007-04-30T08:28:00.001-05:00

For the last few months, random acts of love graffiti have been showing up around Minneapolis. I heart it. There's one right by our abode, on the retaining wall of the duplex that we refer to as The Monks' House. (There used to be at least one Buddhist monk living there, until the community sold out and moved to Elk River. (Even the monks are moving to the burbs, man.) Anywho, here is the latest love graffiti that showed up on Flickr this morning:

6-23-07 on a lamppost on Flickr - Photo Sharing!
Hanging Hearts on Flickr - Photo Sharing!
all smiles on Flickr - Photo Sharing!
again with the buddha hearts on Flickr - Photo Sharing!

The strange noises we make: Kind of a love story
I love Chronic Babe...it's a website about how to be sick but still be cool and young. I know that when I think about my medical issues it makes me feel like an old woman, but Chronic Babe helps me deal with it in style. For example, it's where I found out how to get a super-cool MedicAlert bracelet without making me look 90.

Anywho, this story cracked me up not only because of the noise, and the documentation of how funny things get to be inside jokes in a marriage (and friendship, for that matter), but because it reminded me of a woman that I used to work with at the hospital, who would sit in her office and moan until I would come running to see what she wanted...usually computer help. Irr.i.ta.ting. For the love of FSM, please don't do that to anyone.

Everyone Needs Therapy: Obesity Wars
Great. Now states are putting BMI on report cards (at least one has repealed that listing, but I'd bet more are to come). I'd like mine on my paycheck, please. You can never have too many reminders that you're a fat ass.

And another thing...
I love this blog not only because she works in a call center, but because of her attitude. This entry, on April 17, 2007, about the Virginia Tech shootings, exactly mirrors my stance on guns. Just fucking outlaw 'em.

Boing Boing: Blood puddle pillows
This is probably not at all appropriate considering what went on this week, but I still totally want one of these for my desk....

An Inconvenient Truth Carbon Calculator
Check this site out - you can estimate your "carbon footprint" and find ways to reduce it. I'm proud to say that my carbon footprint is 1.5 -the national average is 7. Yay!

I can never resist an adorable hedgie picture...http://mfrost.typepad.com/cute_overload/2007/04/ladies_the_secr.html

Note to politicians | Salon.com
Reading Garrison is generally worth sitting through the commercials to get the full access to Salon.

on Flickr - Photo Sharing!
It's daffodil season in the city!!!

I, Asshole: Tuesday Round-up in Three Parts
I love I, Asshole, and the flow chart of insults is invaluable.

Boing Boing: Boss-proof your computer with a USB foot-switch
Awesome. Just...awesome...

Boing Boing: Silly shipping label for wine
Another reason I am ashamed to be an American.

ARTICLE: Lay blame on Cho, not Tech leaders (The Virginian-Pilot - HamptonRoads.com/PilotOnline.com)
Thank you, news media, for finally pulling your head out of your ass and realizing that, most likely, this could not have been avoided.

whipup.net - Tutorial, Rag Rug
To be added to the Things I Want to Make Should I Ever Totally Be Unemployed Yet Wealthy and Have the Time to Make.

Boing Boing: Fascist America, in 10 easy steps

What's my sign? This is MY sign!
surly missed the point on Flickr - Photo Sharing!

That's all it said~ on Flickr - Photo Sharing!

http://mfrost.typepad.com/cute_overload/2007/04/ketch_a_falling.html
I love this picture not only because I can't wait to get a hedgie, but check out the kitty/hedgie picture. Adorable!

Overheard in New York | It Dislodged Several Ceiling Tiles
It's funny because it's true. Jeff and I take yoga on Monday nights, and we both have this huge fear of farting, and congratulate each other at the end of class if we've managed to make it through without a big fart (and were relieved when someone else in class did!)

libries on Flickr - Photo Sharing!
Yes, yes you do.

Berserk-os at I Blame The Patriarchy
Amen, sister.

SheFinds.com Weblog
The No Bra Boob Blunders...something Sarah and I discuss with frequency.

Helicopter parents: What's that I hear, a whirry bird? | BlogHer
No. Oh, no. Hellz no. This is dreadful. When I breed, I'm tattooing this somewhere on me so I don't become one of Those Moms.

What does it take to be a moral leader?
I haven't said anything about the Virginia Tech stuff because I have nothing original or inspiring to contribute. But I agree with this writer in that it was wrong to leave Cho out of the memorial. In my mind, whatever demons he battled made him the ultimate victim of this sad, sad day. I would like to think that this would give us, as a community, pause to think about mental illness, and how we can reach out to those who suffer around us, but I fear that it will just stigmatize it more. Why is it when our bodies attack us, we are to be pitied, but when our minds attack us, we are monsters?

Davezilla: Clean humor, filthy comments » PEDESTRIANS PROHIBITED

Word, Dr. King

2007-04-27T13:39:00.001-05:00

Cowardice asks the question—is it safe? Expediency asks the question—is it politic? Vanity asks the question—is it popular? But conscience asks the question—is it right? And there comes a time when one must take a position that is neither safe, nor politic, nor popular; but one must take it because it is right.

~ Rev. Martin Luther King, Jr.

And, an Update

2007-04-27T12:38:00.001-05:00

Things that I have wanted to get done this week, and have not, nor will I in the coming weekend:

Address and mail out wedding announcements (must be done before postage goes up, as I have a metric fuckton of stamps)
Finish birthday gift for Magnus
Research realtors that are good at selling condos and/or buying old houses
Look for a place to live in the unlikely event our condo sells
Read the South Beach diet book, make a menu, and go to the grocery store
Hell, just go to the grocery store – we haven’t been in about three weeks
Have quality time with my sweetie
Have quality time with my cat
Have quality time with my laundry basket
Respond to my email of a non-urgent, but would still like to talk to nature
Update my Palm so I know what I need to know
Set up the new hard drive which is actually big enough for all the stuff that I want on the computer, and which I have had since Christmas, and which is still sitting in it’s box on my computer desk at home
Have a nap

Things that I did do this week which, while productive, were not the above things

Go to Mayo to have blood tests done. I went to see one of the leading experts in HAE last Friday (and have been meaning to blog about it ever since then, but haven’t had one damn minute to do so), to see if I can get into a clinical trial for the good drugs, which are not yet FDA approved. My current doctor was a bit confused, as my blood tests do not show that I have Type I or II HAE (the kind where there is a problem with the blood protein) so I have been diagnosed at idiopathic. However, the last two times I was hospitalized, I reacted really well to having plasma with the protein in it, which (if I was truly idiopathic) shouldn’t have made any difference.

So, off to Mayo I went to get the really, really good diagnostic tests done. Let me tell you, I was about as impressed as can be by the Mayo. Their facilities are gorgeous, everyone is unfailingly polite (even the doctor addressed me as Mrs….they ALL did. NO use of the first name at all), and they ran on time. AND I had an entire hour with the doctor. They didn’t torture me for my insurance card any step of the way, nor continue to ask repetitive medical questions. The departments actually seemed to talk to each other, so instead of discussing my insurance, I got to discuss my HEALTH. What a radical concept.

Unfortunately, I had eaten before my visit, so they couldn’t do the labs they wanted to. I went back down again on Monday, and had eight vials of blood drawn – a personal best! A quick shopping jaunt to Hobby Lobby for super-cheap yarn, lunch at Fazoli’s (the one up here closed!), and back home for a nap for my sweetie, and an afternoon off for me.

And I good thing I had that afternoon off! I got a call from my long lost friend/ former co-worker Kelli last week, and she mentioned a job opportunity. It would be for a small recruiting firm (as in, one guy) and she will be starting there in the fall after her baby is born (she’s due soon!), and they want one other person in the office too, and she called me. I haven’t done any recruiting since, oh, 2000, so I’m a bit rusty, but she thought that we’d made such a good team then that we should try it again. Why the hell not? I updated my resume and sent it on to her on Monday afternoon, since I decided not to go to work.

And while I was updating my resume anyway, another recruiter that I’ve been working with, John, called me about a part time benefits job…turns out I’d work about 25 hours a week and make MORE money than I currently am. Am I interested? Hellz, yes, I’m interested. Updated another version of the resume and sent that puppy off too.

And that was just Monday.

Tuesday I went back to work to find that our new billing statements had finally come out, and no.fucking.one can understand them, because (ZOMG!!) changes have been made. While we had announced the changes several times, and have resources all over our damned website, everyone was caught unawares, and cannot, repeat, cannot figure the damn thing out. The main problem is that, previously, for all benefits we had send the bill the month before (i.e., you got billed for April in March). Now, we have moved it so retirement contributions are billed in the current month (i.e., April benefits are billed in March, but April retirement is billed in April). Therefore, as is indicated in all the literature, there are no retirement contributions due this month.

If you understand this, as I assume you do, Gentle Reader, you are smarter than the average bear, and 10x smarter than my average member. This week, we have had about 2,500 calls (average in a week is about 800) and 90% of them are ZOMG WHERE DID THE RETIREMENT CONTRIBUTIONS GO?

Every single time I have asked if they read the inserts that came with the billing statement. I have gotten everything from “there wasn’t anything in there” (bullshit) to “I couldn’t understand it” (idiot) to an indignant “NO” (sorry about your illiteracy – didn’t want to touch a nerve there. Stop drooling on the phone.)

I’m being harsh. I realize that it’s not only inhumane, but Un-American to make someone read something. After all, I was put on this earth, Gentle Member, to wipe your ass, get you a cookie, and read all your mail so you don’t have to. Would you like me to chew up your food for you so it’s not so hard on your itty bitty self?

This week has led me to the following conclusions:

Our members are idiots
They are also assholes
They are, as a group, illiterate, or
They read below a third grade level
They are lazy, lazy motherfuckers
Our communications suck (which I have said before)
And finally, I need to get right the fuck out of here before I go berserk.

Wednesday was more of the same shit, different day at work, but after work I met with the recruiter, John, at Legends after work. Julie and I did some power shopping during lunch, since I was wearing a very ugly (although clean) outfit. Met him over there, had a blast, and he loved me. He thought I was a perfect fit for the job. On top of sounding like a perfect place, more money, a good fit….it’s business casual! I don’t even have to wear Big Girl Shoes to work there!!!

I went home (a dash across the street), talked Jeff into taking me to get wings for dinner, and then we power shopped for a jacket to wear with my good interview skirt, since I was informed I’d probably have an interview on Monday. (Sarah, if you are reading this, damn you for going on vacation right when I needed some fashion advice!) The other jacket I have was too heavy – it’s a suede one that yells, “The last job interview I had was in the dead of winter!” and I would die if I had to wear it in spring weather. I think my sweetie did very well picking out a jacket that’s kind of jean jacket in style, but a lighter cotton, and black to go with the skirt. With my funky heels, it’s going to be a great outfit (Sarah is forgiven.)

Thursday, I found out that I have an interview at 2:00 p.m. on Monday, and that this company is absolutely thrilled that I want to talk to them. Woot!!!!

And, now it’s Friday. So far we’ve gotten only 272 calls today, which is about what we get, total, on a busy Monday. After the rest of the week, it feels like cake. Julie and I are about to head to lunch, I’m going to try not to call any of our members motherfuckers for the next three and a half hours, and then I’m going home. Craftstravaganza is tomorrow, and I coincidentally got paid yesterday. Did I mention I could use a new purse for my job interview(!!) on Monday???

If you are reading this, or intuiting it, or thinking about me in any way, please keep all applicable appendages crossed for me!!!

Interview ME!

2007-04-27T11:50:00.000-05:00

I was reading I found a fatal flaw in the logic of love… yesterday, as I do when it pops up as new on my Bloglines. Now, I don’t know Alissa, but I love her blog, and feel that if we lived anywhere close, we might hang out. Yay for cool bloggers!

She had five questions that her friend made up in a meme, and said that if someone said “interview me!” in her comments, she’d make up five questions, too. Well, being a sucker for that sort of thing, I jumped on. Here are Alissa’s questions for me, and my answers….

1. What smell instantly takes you back to childhood and why?

I am so the wrong person to answer that. I have almost NO sense of smell, and what I can smell is generally unpleasant. Like, I have a hard time smelling flowers when I have my nose right in them, but I can smell manure in the fields on a road trip just fine, thank you.

That being said, I remember when I was really, really little, my mom bought some doll house furniture for my father’s mother (she must have had one of those really fancy doll houses, but I don’t remember that part). I remember that there was a green velvet Victorian style couch in the bunch of stuff in the box she was giving my grandmother, and I remember exactly how it smelled.

A year or so later, we moved out to Maryland, and as my mom’s a bit of a history buff, we went to all the cool places in the DC area. One of our favorites (and still mine) was Mount Vernon, and I remember when I walked into the cellar it smelled just like that couch. Now, anytime I smell something musty, like it’s been in a basement for a long time, I think of that couch, and Mount Vernon. (I’ve also been back to Mount Vernon several times over the last 25+ years, and it smells exactly the same.)

2. If you could have been born into any other culture, which would you choose and why?

Oh, that’s a hard one. It would have to be an advanced culture, because I loves me some indoor plumbing. (I have a feeling that if I’d been a pioneer and had to use an outhouse, I’d spend every trip thinking, ‘there’s GOT to be a better way.’)

My first inclination is to say English or Irish culture, because even though they are modern and English-speaking, it really is a different way of life, and much more my style. Europeans have a much more pragmatic view of life, and what goes on, and how to balance the necessities thereof. Having grown up in the Midwest, in a very protestant-work-ethicky-we-don’t-need-nothing-from-no-one way, it would be interesting to live in a more socialist society, and one with a government that can’t be bought with special interest dollars.

Also of interest would be any culture which is not based on the Judeo-Christian values. India of course leaps to mind, as my grandfather-in-law was an immigrant from Northern India and a practicing Sikh. The middle east with it’s basis in Islam would also be fascinating, although I think my basic I am woman, hear me roar attitude would not be particularly welcomed (something that my college boyfriend from the UAE and I discussed a lot…he wanted me to come back to the UAE with him to visit, and I told him that while he thought my loud-mouthed American ways were ”cute” and “charming” to him here, they’d be an embarrassment to him there).

Gosh, so much to experience, and so few lives to take it all in. I think it would be fascinating to be independently wealthy (or more willing to live hand-to-mouth in uncertainty than I am) and just travel and experience the different cultures…find one that seems cool, and settle in for a few years, repeat. Mmmm….

(I now look at my cubicle in distain. Why aren’t you somewhere cool?)

3. What would be your super power of choice?

Teleportation. No more time wasted going to and fro, no more squished legs on airplanes, much shorter commute time. No brainer.

4. If you could live one year over again, which year would it be?

This could be a double question: which BAD year would you like to live over again, so it would be good, or which GOOD year would you go through again, cause it was so fantastic you just want more? I’m gonna answer both, cause I’m just like that. Oh, and I’m avoiding work. And if I’m typing in Word, it looks like work.

My BAD year – 2004. (Really, 2002-2004, but I don’t want to be greedy.) It started out in the shitter: my grandfather died the day after New Year’s, then I got canned, and then the husband and I split up. I was sick as hell the whole year with the HAE, on steroids and hospitalized. Frankly, it didn’t get much better from there. On New Year’s Eve I went to Kieran’s with a bunch of friends and The Troll, gave him his first ever midnight kiss (ew for me), and was so relieved that the year was over that, even with two eyes swollen shut and a killer case of bronchitis, I began to dance (and by dance, I mean lurch drunkenly).

My GOOD year – 2000. That was the year that I turned 25. I was finally over my big love interest, and started doing the rounds of the city. I left a job that wore me down at the beginning of the year, and had that year to basically build a division of the company I worked for from the ground up (it folded soon after, but not due to anything I did. I blame the gambling alchy that came in after me). I lived in a place I loved, and it was the social hub of my fabulous group of friends. I traveled, I took road trips, I drank every bottle and screwed every guy that came around. It wasn’t a lifestyle that I could keep up for long, but I think that I “found” myself that year, felt like a real person for the first time in my life, and had a blast doing it.

5. What is the one thing in the future you are looking forward to the most?

Immediate future, getting a house. We’re currently in the middle of changing our real estate agent, and hopefully will get some more action with the next one we go with. I’d really like to be settled in a new house by the time we have our party in the fall, and not have to arrange for an alternate location. That, and I miss my stuff, and having things the way I like them versus the way they need to be to show a place. It’s just not my style, and it doesn’t feel like home.

A bit longer term, Jeff and I having a baby. I can’t wait to see what we produce together.

Wanna participate? The "rules"...

1. Leave me a comment saying, "Interview me."
2. I will respond by e-mailing you five questions. I get to pick them, and you have to answer them all.
3. You will update your blog with the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions

This Week's Finds

2007-04-22T11:49:00.001-05:00

Boing Boing: Sao Paulo goes advertising-free

Awesome. Why can't we do that here?  I can't think of a single space -

anywhere - that you can't see advertising from.  Annoying.  Anyone want

to teach me Portuguese?

Does Today Suck?

I will be adding this website to my Bloglines...

However, I am not sure that I agree with their thoughts that my birthday was a BAD day...Does Today Suck?: April 7th in review

Reason Magazine - Hit & Run > Surprise--Teens Ignore Adults Who Tell Them to Not Have Sex

Huh.  I totally listed to my parents.  I'm still a virgin.  So are they.

Funnymos.com - Funny news and weird humor - Daily Updates » Mystery Cat

A kitty that sees the value of mass transit while he rests his weary paws.  Adorable.

Bar of soap gives caffeine kick in the shower | Health | Reuters.com

If anyone finds this - buy me a case!!!

Fruity cocktails count as health food, study finds | Health | Reuters.com

Finally - booze as health food.  I would actually get my USRDA of something then...

Boing Boing: Recreating vintage photos of London

This is just cool. 

Boing Boing: Who Is Sick? user-generated epidemiology map

I think I'm going to send this to the HAE group - find out where we all are!

Why parking your car is more environmentally destructive than driving it. - By Steven E. Landsburg - Slate Magazine

I never thought about it that way...

the sky's the limit on Flickr - Photo Sharing!

The bridge that comes out of the Walker Sculpture Garden is one of my favourite parts of the city...here is one of the quotes from the poem that is engraved along the bridge.

Solo/Hope/Junkies on Flickr - Photo Sharing!

More fantastic urban graffiti...

Trusty the Hedgehog on Flickr - Photo Sharing!

Woot!  Another hedgehog site to check out!

Shun the Unbeliever…Shun….Shun….

2007-04-19T14:46:00.001-05:00

(Thanks, Charlie the Unicorn)

I have come to the realization that I am an Unbeliever. I don’t believe in god (although, to wildly misinterpret the point of Fox Mulder’s poster, I want to believe), and worse, yet, I don’t believe in Corporate America.

Yes, I said it. I don’t believe in Corporate America.

Not to say that I’m some sort of Corporate America denier…I know that it exists, and I interact with it every single day. But I have come to the realization that this is not the way that we are intended to live…bombarded by advertisements, eating “food” made from petroleum and plastic parts, unable to express ourselves through our clothing and belongings because everything is mass produced by some tragic 12 year old in Asia for pennies on the dollar of what I’ll spend to wear it.

And although I try hard to be a careful, green and thoughtful consumer, those things seem mutually exclusive. After all, I’m not an “American” if I don’t participate in corporate culture. However, I am also not eating, or wearing clothes, if I don’t…there’s just not much way around it. Even charity has gone corporate (United Way, anyone?).

I’ve dropped out in my own way.

I don’t shop at Wal-Mart. I don’t think I have to explain why. Instead, I shop exclusively at Target – not because I think they are better, per se, (ok, yeah they are), but because the contribute to the community through charitable giving, and because although their workers are not the highest paid, at least they don’t look like they’ve recently been taken to the stock room and beaten by the overseer…I mean master…whoops, I mean manager. Going to Wal-Mart used to make me cry. No more.

We don’t have cable. We don’t have long distance. We don’t watch TV (we keep it behind a screen except for the one show that Jeff loves, and for movies). I get all my news from Minnesota Public Radio (yes, I’m a long-time member) and the internet. I don’t click on ads on the internet. We don’t subscribe to magazines. For the most part, we try not to use credit, and will be out of debt in June.

I bring my own bags to places, or ask that I not get a bag when I have a small purchase. I have been given the You Fucking Hippie look more times than I care to admit, and have even been told that I must take a bag – that it’s corporate policy. It’s corporate policy to make me take something that is a waste of resources, that is going to add extra shit to my house, and is going to end up in a landfill because of the lack of good recycling programs? No thanks – that’s why I have a big purse. I’m not terribly interested in your “policy”.

We don’t even buy books anymore. Jeff is a library regular, and finds about all he wants there. (We also get most of our movies at the library.) I participate in book swapping via PaperBackSwap, and have saved literally hundreds of dollars (as I read about 100 books a year, it’s a HUGE savings).

For the most part, I* don’t eat processed food. I’m not going to say there aren’t exceptions (we all know I’m a Coke addict, and Jeff loves the Tombstone, and I did just recently go through a Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup phase…), but for the most part I like to know what’s in what I’m putting in my mouth. I’ve been appalled at recent statements by Kraft surrounding their guacamole which contains no avocados…their defense was, to paraphrase, “We’re Kraft. No one expects our food to be real.” (Apparently General Mills used – and one with a similar defense in regards to it’s Carrot Cake.)

There are some companies that I refuse to support, for various reasons. I don’t make anyone not support them with me, but it’s my little way of saying, “Hey, Giant Corporation? I’m not taking your shit anymore!” It makes me feel a little bit better. Here are a few of my favorites. This list is not only not exhaustive, but growing all the time. I don’t go out of my way to find reasons to boycott things, but if a reason comes to my attention, I cannot, with good conscience, continue to give them my hard-earned money.

Gillette – This was my first boycott, and I have not purchased a Gillette product (that I know of) for about 15 years, due to their terrible history of animal rights abuses.

We already mentioned Wal-Mart. I also oppose shopping at K-Mart as they are always open, and do not give their employees the benefit of holidays with their family. I also generally refuse to shop on major holidays for the same purpose – I don’t actually need anything on Christmas morning that I can’t get the next day. While I appreciate that Walgreens is open that day for medicine needs, if you are that bad off, you should be at the hospital, where they have their own pharmacy. For the love of Jebus, don’t refill your prescriptions on Christmas day!

Menards. Save big money, because they rip off their employees big time. They pay horrible wages, and continually spy on their employees via the “security” cameras. From corporate. They also “fine” you if you make a mistake in your job – it’s taken right out of your “bonus” to keep it barely legal, but it also means that most of your annual pay is taken away. Not only are you fined, but all of the higher ups in the organization are fined if you make a simple, honest mistake. I’m not talking something like whacking a customer in the head with a two by four, I’m talking about not filling in every single line of a form with the company approved lingo. I worked there for a day, found out too much, and never went back.

In talking to some friends about my corporate dropout, I have added two more to the list in the last day. The first one is General Mills (I might get kicked out of Minnesota for this one). Word is that they give a monthly “stipend” to each employee to buy General Mills products in the company store. If you don’t use your “stipend” you are disciplined by management, at your manager’s discretion. So, for those of us that don’t eat processed foods and don’t have them in our homes due to health concerns….I’d eventually be fired for refusing to eat their food.

And my favorite of today, as told to me by my friend Lisa. Wells Fargo is now out of my purchasing list (not that I have dealt with them in years anyway). All tellers at Wells Fargo must suggestive sell a product or service to each person that comes to their window. Sometimes a team lead will sit and watch everyone, and if a teller is caught not selling, s/he is sent to the break room for a “time out.” Yes, it’s actually called that. While I have often felt like a third grader at my current job, at least I’ve never been sent to the naughty stair.

So, ok. I have my few things that I do a bit differently than your average American. I have a list of places that I won’t do business with for various reasons. I live without a lot of things that the average American thinks are “necessities” and have lived to tell about it. (Word to Mom: I’m not getting cable. Or a bigger TV. Lay off.) I do this to not only life with myself, but to later provide my child/ren with good examples, and show him/her/them that the road to happiness is not paved with Happy Meals, and to learn to be a conscientious consumer and citizen.

Does it matter? I mean, between Jeff and I, we’re not pumping big bucks into the economy, and I doubt that Wal-Mart/Gillette/Menards will ever notice that we’ve left. We’re not saving giant redwood forests by taking our own bags to the grocery store. And we seem to be in the minority – there are not that many people who really think about where their money is going, and what they are supporting by spending money with that organization. (Another example: Curves, the fitness club for women, is owned by a giant Christian man, and heavily supports anti-choice causes.)

I don’t know what the answer is. I know that I am sick and tired of doing things the American way, and the easiest way, and the cheapest way. I’m tired of giving my money to corporations that are doing improper things, that are loading our food supply with too much sugar and fat and preservatives, and bending to the Company that really runs our world.

So, I’m going to try to not do it anymore. I’m going to think about my money, and how hard I work for it (ok, I don’t work all that hard, but I do put up with a lot of shit), and what kind of statement I want to make with that money.

How about you? What do you do to be less corporate?

*I have to specify that “I” means “I, Diana” as my husband would probably die without his current level of preservatives. Thankfully, he realizes that his diet will never become my diet.

I am Geek, Hear Me Roar!

2007-04-18T13:41:00.000-05:00

60% Geek

Spring Fever

2007-04-17T13:53:00.000-05:00

It's official. I have spring fever.

Yesterday, I sat on Sarah's front porch and started knitting a hedgehog. In bare feet and no sweater (me, not the hedgie). It was not only exactly what I needed yesterday, but what I need for the next several days.

And, to make it all worse, I re-potted my desk buddies at work today. My cube smells like fresh, wet dirt. I don't even like to garden, but it makes me want go roll around in some dirt.

A Letter to those without Hereditary or Idiopathic Angioedema

2007-04-17T12:24:00.000-05:00

One of the sites I visit regularly is Chronic Babe, which is targeted towards young women with chronic, and often invisible, conditions. Today, one of the things that came through was a webpage that had an Open Letter to... dealing with different conditions. I have updated one for my specific issue, hereditary angioedema. Here you go:

A Letter to those without Hereditary or Idiopathic Angioedema

Having angioedema means many things change, and a lot of them are invisible. Unlike having cancer or being hurt in an accident, most people do not understand even a little about angioedema and its effects, and of those that think they know, many are actually misinformed.

These are the things that I would like you to understand about me before you judge me.

Please understand that being sick doesn't mean I'm not still a human being. I sometimes spend most of my day in considerable pain and exhaustion, and if you visit, sometimes I probably don't seem like much fun to be with, but I'm still me, stuck inside this body. I still worry about school, my family, my friends, and most of the time, I'd still like to hear you talk about yours, too.

Please understand the difference between "happy" and "healthy". When you've got the flu, you probably feel miserable with it, but I've been sick for years. I can't be miserable all the time. In fact, I work hard at not being miserable. So, if you're talking to me and I sound happy, it means I'm happy. that's all. It doesn't mean that I'm not swollen, or in a lot of pain, or extremely tired, or that I'm getting better, or any of those things. Please don't say, "Oh, you're sounding better!" or "But you look so healthy!" I am merely coping. I am sounding happy and trying to look normal. If you want to comment on that, you're welcome.

Please understand that being able to stand up for ten minutes doesn't necessarily mean that I can stand up for twenty minutes, or an hour. Just because I managed to stand up for thirty minutes yesterday doesn't mean that I can do the same today. With a lot of diseases you're either paralyzed, or you can move. With this one, it gets more confusing everyday. It can be like a yo-yo. I never know from day to day, how I am going to feel when I wake up. In most cases, I never know from minute to minute. That is one of the hardest and most frustrating components of angioedema.

Please repeat the above paragraph substituting, "sitting", "walking", "thinking", "concentrating", "being sociable" and so on, it applies to everything. That's what angioedema does to you.

Please understand that angioedema is variable. It's quite possible (for many, it's common) that one day I am able to walk to the park and back, while the next day I'll have trouble getting to the next room. Please don't attack me when I'm ill by saying, "But you did it before!" or "Oh, come on, I know you can do this!" If you want me to do something, then ask if I can. In a similar vein, I may need to cancel a previous commitment at the last minute. If this happens, please do not take it personally. If you are able, please try to always remember how very lucky you are, to be physically able to do all of the things that you can do.

Please understand that "getting out and doing things" does not make me feel better, and can often make me seriously worse. You don't know what I go through or how I suffer in my own private time. Telling me that I need to exercise, or do some things to "get my mind off of it", may frustrate me to tears, and is not correct. if I was capable of doing some things any or all of the time, don't you know that I would? I am working with my doctors and I am doing what I am supposed to do.

Another statement that hurts is, "You just need to push yourself more, try harder". Obviously, angioedema can be experienced internally, such as in abdominal attacks, or can be viable, such as extremity and facial swelling. Sometimes participating in a single activity for a short or a long period of time can cause more damage and physical pain than you could ever imagine. Not to mention the recovery time, which can be intense. You can't always read it on my face or in my body language. Also, angioedema may cause secondary depression (wouldn't you get depressed and down if you were hurting constantly for months or years?), but it is not created by depression.

Please understand that if I say I have to sit down, lie down, stay in bed, take these pills or get to my doctor or hospital, now, that probably means that I do have to do it right now. It can't be put off or forgotten just because I'm somewhere, or I'm right in the middle of doing something. Angioedema can be fatal, does not forgive, nor does it wait for anyone.

If you want to suggest a cure to me, please don't. It's not because I don't appreciate the thought, and it's not because I don't want to get well. Lord knows that isn't true. In all likelihood, if you've heard of it or tried it, so have I. In some cases, I have been made sicker, not better. This can involve side effects or allergic reactions, as is the case with herbal remedies. It also includes failure, which in and of itself can make me feel even lower. If there were something that cured, or even helped people with my form of angioedema, then we'd know about it. There is worldwide networking (both on and off the Internet) between people with angioedema (see HereditaryAngioedema.com for more information). Drug companies are working on treatments for us right now, but in the US, there are options, and those that are available have very negative side effects, and aren’t able to be used by everyone. It’s not that we don’t want to be better, or aren’t trying all of the available options.

If, after reading this, you still feel the need to suggest a cure, then so be it. I may take what you said and discuss it with my doctor.

If I seem touchy, it's probably because I am. It's not how I try to be. As a matter of fact, I try very hard to be normal. I hope you will try to understand. I have been, and am still, going through a lot. Angioedema is hard for people to understand, because it is so rare. Even those of us with it may never have met someone else that has it. It wreaks havoc on the body and the mind. It is exhausting and exasperating. Almost all the time, I know that I am doing my best to cope with this, and live my life to the best of my ability. I ask you to bear with me, and accept me as I am. I know that you cannot literally understand my situation unless you have been in my shoes, but as much as is possible, I am asking you to try to be understanding in general.

In many ways I depend on you, people who are not sick. I need you to visit me when I am too sick to go out. Sometimes I need you help me with the shopping, the cooking or the cleaning. I may need you to take me to the doctor, or to the store. You are my link to the "normalcy" of life. You can help me to keep in touch with the parts of life that I miss and fully intend to undertake again, just as soon as I am able.

I know that I asked a lot from you, and I do thank you for listening. It really does mean a lot.

Abode Selling Progress

2007-04-16T10:47:00.001-05:00

Well, it’s really clean….that’s nice.

We had three showings last week. This doubles the number of showings that we have had since October, when we went on the market, so we were encouraged. We have not only dropped the price, but also lifted the restriction of no daytime showings without at least 24 hours notice (Jeff has decided at this point he’ll just give up some sleep to get this place sold – what a guy!).

Showing Number One:

We still haven’t heard anything on. We know someone was there, cause they left a card, but they have not responded to our agent’s request for feedback, nor do we know if it was an agent “preview” or a buyer “showing”. They are supposed to tell us if it’s a “preview” but the language that the realtor’s front desk used with both me and the realtor was that it was a “showing.” I’m guessing that, in this case, no news is not great news.

Showing Number Two:

They came in mid-afternoon with about two hours notice for me to get Jeff out of bed and make the final touches before he goes to try to nap in the car (which didn’t work s’good, so he went to the library to read up on how to buy foreclosures). By the time we met with Eva (our realtor) for a place we were looking at that night, we got feedback that the place was nice, but that the buyer had already settled on another property. Within three hours?!?!

Showing Number Three:

This one has a wee bit of hope behind it. It was a young woman, recently married, whose husband will be going to the U of M law school in the fall. She said it was “very clean” (no shit – we’ve been spending hours a week on the place!), but thought it might be too small for two people to live in. Uh..what? While I admit that it’s too small for Jeff and I, most of that reason is because we both lived alone for more than 10 years, and tried to cram all that stuff into a place with both of us. If we were in our first post-college place and newly married, owning the commensurate amount of stuff, it would be a great place. This condo has more storage than anywhere I’ve ever lived. And who wants to mess with a house when you’re in law school? I’m still holding out a bit of hope for this one.

Open House

Eva held an open house yesterday, and only one person came through – a young single woman with a cat. She really liked the place, but officially, we’re in a ‘no pets’ building. We got special approval from the association board to have my cats, with the contingency that we were putting the place up for sale soon, and moving out as soon as it sold (and we all thought that it would be far before this…average days to sale at that time was 39. We’ve been on the market for six and a half months). Eva told the woman that she could ask for an exception, but Jeff and I think that it probably won’t be granted (although, I’d be willing to plead her case to the board if she’d just make an offer!)

So, nothing doing. I’m going to try some guerrilla marketing on my own – I’m sick of waiting around and keeping everything really clean. J Anyone have any suggestions?

Lazy Saturday

2007-04-14T18:08:00.001-05:00

My Sweetie is sleeping in the bedroom - I'm not sure how, as I (the Queen of Sleep) can't get a nap in with all the construction going on next door.  So, I'm playing my characters on KOL and checking out my blog feeds. 

I subscribe to a Flickr feed of photos with Minneapolis tags...this one was particularly fantastic:

The Stone Arch Bridge on Flickr - Photo Sharing!

2007-04-13T12:48:00.001-05:00

Minneapolis Daily Photo: A Loon With a View....

I love the juxtaposition of the ducks with the skyline...

Being married rules

2007-04-13T12:47:00.001-05:00

I got my first letter to Dear Mrs. MyNewLastName last night. Giggle.

I'm all, like, adult and stuff.

Links for Today

2007-04-12T12:54:00.001-05:00

I hate to say it, but one of the reasons I moved back to Blogger was to be able to use the Performancing feature on Firefox. I have been using the clipping feature on Bloglines, but haven't been really happy with it. Here I can make notes and keep an eye on...what I'm keeping an eye on. :)

DNA shows Birkhead is baby's father - Yahoo! News

I hate to admit that I have been following this. Back in the day, the X and I watched the Anna Nicole show, and I was completely hooked on the stupidity. I have to say that I was rooting for Howard...

HandMade Nation: A Sneak Peek | BlogHer

Ooohhh...a documentary about crafty goodness!!!

From Overheard in Chicago:

Sleet sucks

Guy:
(on cell) "I know I'm late, sir. Yes, sir. Yes. No. I know, sir. But I
couldn't get out of my driveway beca...yes, sir. Look! Every time I
tried to shovel the shit, it would plop out of my shovel, soak my
socks, and destory my shoes.!Next time, I'll tell the heavens to open
up AFTER my 8 AM meeting so that we can earn another 60 cents per god
damn widget or whatever the hell we're trying to sell!"

- Blue Line

-- Submitted by KC

And from Overheard in Minneapolis: Barb, this totally gives you permission to just make up words!

I Do It Because I'm Not A Scientist.

Professor: ...Is that a word? Whatever, I'm a scientist; I can just make words up.

U of M classroom
Overheard by Not looking forward to the test.

P pimping laxatives as the new diet aid? | BlogHer

Sicko

2007-04-10T15:14:00.001-05:00

Diabetes Mine: Anticipating Sicko

Awesome. Michael Moore is making a movie about the American health care system. Can't wait to see what he finds out!

The Enemy Within

2007-04-10T14:04:00.000-05:00

As I believe I mentioned yesterday, I recently read The Fat Girl's Guide to Life. I liked it so much that today I was checking out Wendy Shanker's website and found this article she'd written about living with being Fat and having an autoimmune disease.

While I am certainly not as sick as she is, it was interesting to read someone else's take on their (really rare, incurable) health condition, and relate the things that we go through to the weight loss struggle. It's long, but totally worth the read.

Go now!

Today is the first day of the rest of my life…right after I go grocery shopping

2007-04-09T15:08:00.000-05:00

So, it was my birthday this weekend, and I made my annual resolution that I will end this year of my life thinner than I started it.

I really, really mean it this time.

Seriously. I am going to lose some lard.

I have been reading books about being fat all weekend…both The Fat Girl’s Guide to Life and Fat Land. (Yeah, I’m a speed reader.)

I feel conflicted after the two books. Fat Land has informed me that I am probably going to die before my 33^rd birthday because I am so ungodly fat, and that my children will be oozing balls of lard for their entire life. The Fat Girl’s Guide to Life, however, has informed me that I can be fat AND healthy, but I need to take good care of myself. If my set point is what it is, I can’t change that, and I just have to be as healthy as possible.

Both books pointed out the terrible things that are done to our food in terms of additives and high fructose corn syrup, et cetera. It makes me want to graze on grass and catch my own meat. Oh, wait – their environment is polluted too. I’m not sure that whatever ChemLawn throws down is any better than the HFCS.

I don’t think I am at my set point – I think I can get rid of a few before I hit that mark. So, this time, with the proper incentives in place, I am going to do it…just as soon as I get to the grocery store and buy some healthful foods.

I am also putting together a little incentive program for me. Not only do I have the big incentive of getting my sweetie in a kilt when I get to a certain weight, but I am giving myself some added things along the way. Something I have wanted to do is get the entire collection of This American Life and now Audible has them grouped by season, and I can get an entire season for about $18.00. For every point in BMI that I go down, I get to download one season (and listen to them while I walk around the block).

Today, my BMI is 34.1. (Yes! I am OBESE!) I need to lose six pounds to get to my first season of This American Life.

I can do this.

I CAN DO THIS.

Happy Birthday

2007-04-07T14:33:00.000-05:00

Happy birthday to me
Happy birthday to me
Happy birthday dear meeeeeeee
Happy birthday to me!

Work Daze

2007-04-05T15:45:00.001-05:00

I have “officially” been off the phones for about two months at work, but this was the first week that I really felt the difference in volume. Of course, part of the reason may be the fact that I have been in all sorts of meetings for the last two weeks, but when I am at my desk, the volume is down. Yay!

At this point, I don’t really have enough to do to keep me busy all day. This is expecially true this week, as 95% of what I do is dependent upon the one system that is currently out of commission (yes, the system that was supposed to be up yesterday morning looks like it won’t be up until Monday…if then).

I am training on a process that is supposed to be highly intense and time consuming. Interestingly, I already have two processes that everyone hates, and that “take forever,” yet I seem to handle it all just fine, within my allotted forty hour weeks. My supervisor is worried that this new process will be “too much” for me. I think that Company seriously underestimates my capacity for Getting Shit Done.

I hate to be bored (that’s most of the reason that this post was written longhand during a training session which seems to be the same stuff as was covered in the last four that I went to). I have so many other interests and things that I want to do that spending time at work not actually spent working drives me nuts. If I can do my job in six hours a day instead of eight, why should I waste two hours of my time and my employer’s resources?

This is something that – in my opinion – is wrong with the entire American view of the workforce. To begin with, work is not correctly distributed. I can think of lots of people that legitimately have too much assigned to them (not the ones that are too busy fucking around to actually do work), and lots of other people, (like me) that are completing their jobs in less time than they are allotted for them. This is the case all over my organization. Wouldn’t it be a better use of resources to shift the distribution of labor?

In my organization, the management is also in love with the forty hour work week. While they are generally willing to pay out overtime (and none of us are underpaid for the ass monkey work we do), there is no such thing as being part time. Either you are full time, or you just don’t work here. Again, if I can do the same amount of work (thanks to my super ninja office skillz) in less time, why should I be paid for more time?

I’m going in circles here. I started out wanting to talk about how much less stabby I’ve been feeling since I’m on the phones less, and here I am, lambasting the American employment scheme.

I don’t hate my job as much as I used to, because I am dealing with a much smaller population of assholes. I do still find it boring and pointless, but at least I don’t want to stick my head in the oven every morning, nor do I spend my commutes sobbing. That’s a nice improvement. I think I can live with this (for a while).

(I’m sorry to say that writing this – longhand, on the back of training materials – only took me about 35 minutes. I have another 40 to go…If you are reading this online, at leat I didn’t die of boredom.)

I Am All Woman (Except for the couple parts where I'm like a man)

2007-04-05T12:06:00.000-05:00

The BBC has a website where you can test if you think more like a man or more like a woman. Check it out. Here are my results:

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6

The scale below is an indication of where you fall in the male-female brain continuum. The results are based on the angles, spot the difference, 3D shapes and words tasks. Bear in mind that your performance may be affected by many factors in addition to gender, like age and intelligence.

Your personal brain score:

Average score for MEN who've taken this survey:

Average score for WOMEN who've taken this survey:

If you are using a public PC we strongly advise you to print out and delete your results if you do not want anyone to see them.

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	Part 1

	Angles
	This task tested your ability to identify the angle of a line by matching it with its twin. This is a spatial task, which looks at how you picture space. Your score: 19 out of 20 Average score for men: 15.1 out of 20 Average score for women: 13.3 out of 20 What does your result suggest? If you scored 0 - 12: You have more of a female brain. Scientists believe that people with a female brain find it more difficult to judge the slope of a line because they're not wired for spatial tasks. In past studies, 65 per cent of people who scored in this range were women. If you scored 13 - 17: You found this test neither hard nor easy. This suggests your brain has male and female traits when it comes to spatial ability. If you scored 18 - 20: You have more of a male brain. On average, men outperform women in this task and those with more mathematical knowledge tend to score quite high as well. In past studies, 60 per cent of the people in this range were men. Interestingly, men's testosterone levels fluctuate through the seasons and studies have shown that men's scores are lower in the spring, when their testosterone levels are at their lowest. Do our cave dwelling ancestors offer us any clues about why men and women score differently on this task? Find out more.
	Spot the difference
	This task tested your ability to identify which objects changed position. You lost points, if you incorrectly identified objects. Your score: 43% Average score for men: 39% Average score for women: 46% What does your score suggest? If you scored between 0 - 33%: You may have more of a male brain. Scientists say men tend to under perform in this task. The corpus callosum, the part of the brain that links the right and left hemispheres, is a fifth larger in women. This means women can process visual and other signals at the same time more easily than men. There is also a theory that oestrogen levels in women give them an added advantage in spatial memory. If you scored between 34 - 66%: You may have a balanced female-male brain. If you scored between 67 - 100%: Those with a female-type brain generally score in this range. Your ability to remember where objects are may serve as an advantage to you when you're trying to find your way around places. You're more capable of recalling landmarks to get from one place to another. Find out more about our spatial abilities.

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	Part 2

Hands

You said your left thumb was on top when you clasped your hands together.

Right thumb on top: This suggests the left half of your brain is dominant. Many studies have tried to establish whether there is a relationship between handedness and brain dominance. Some scientists believe that if you are left brain dominant, you would be more verbal and analytical.

Left thumb on top: This suggests the right half of your brain is dominant. Some studies theorise that as a right brain dominant person, you may excel in visual, spatial and intuitive processes.

However, these theories are debatable and leave much to be said about the small percentage of people who are ambidextrous.

Find out why right-brained people may be better fighters and artists.

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	Part 3

Emotions and Systems

This task looked at whether you prefer to empathise or systemise.

Empathising

No score available. It appears you didn't complete this task.
Average score for men: 7.9 out of 20
Average score for women: 10.6 out of 20

Empathisers are better at accurately judging other people's emotions and responding appropriately. If you scored 15 and above, you are very empathic and would be an ideal person to comfort people in a time of crisis. Women in general are better at empathising.

Systemising

Your systemising score is: 4 out of 20
Average score for men: 12.5 out of 20
Average score for women: 8.0 out of 20

What does your result suggest?

Systemisers prefer to investigate how systems work. A system can be a road map, flat pack furniture, or a mathematical equation – anything that follows a set of rules. A score of 15 and above suggests you're good at analysing or building systems. Men in general are better at systemising.

Scientists are keen to learn more about people who score high or low on both tests. They want to find out whether or not empathising and systemising are linked. Is a possible to make yourself more empathic?

Some scientists claim that our empathy and systemising abilities can be traced all the way back to prehistoric times. Find out more.

Eyes

This task tested your ability to judge people's emotions.

Your score: 8 out of 10
Average score for men: 6.6 out of 10
Average score for women: 6.6 out of 10

What does your result suggest?

If you scored 0 - 3: Do you think you're good at judging how another person is feeling? Your score suggests this doesn't come to you quite so naturally.

If you scored 4 - 6: Your result suggests you have a balanced female-male brain and find it neither easy nor difficult to judge people's emotions.

If you scored 7 - 10: Your result suggests you are a good empathiser, sensitive to other people's emotions. Women generally fall into this category.

Professor Baron-Cohen at the University of Cambridge says that people usually perform better than they expect to on this test.

Men often think a person's eyes are sending signals of desire when that's not the case at all. Find out more.

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	Part 4

Fingers

We asked you to measure your ring and index fingers. Your ratios came to:

Right Hand: 1.02
Left Hand: 1

Average ratio for men: 0.982
Average ratio for women: 0.991

It's thought that your ratio is governed by the amount of testosterone you were exposed to in your mother's womb. The ratio of the length of your index finger to the length of your ring finger is set for life by as early as three months after conception. Even during puberty, when we experience intensive hormonal changes, the ratio stays the same.

Men generally have a ring finger that is longer than their index finger, which gives them a lower ratio than women, whose ring and index fingers are usually of equal length.

Studies have found that men and women with lots of brothers generally have more masculine finger ratios. Find out what other things scientists think our ratios may tell us.

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	Part 5

Faces

This task looked at how you rate the attractiveness of a series of faces. The images you looked at were digitally altered to create slight differences in masculinity.

Your choices suggest you prefer more feminine faces.

Highly masculinised male faces possess more extreme testosterone markers such as a long, broad and lower jaw, as well as more pronounced brow ridges and cheekbones.

Interestingly, women's preferences are said to vary across the menstrual phase. A more masculine face is preferred during the 9 days prior to ovulation, when conception is most likely.

A typical 'attractive' female face possesses features such as a shorter, narrower, lower jaw, fuller lips and larger eyes than an average face.

Are you surprised at what researchers think they can learn from your answers? Find out more.

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	Part 6

3D shapes

This task tested your ability to mentally rotate 3D shapes.

Your score: 2 out of 12
Average score for men: 8.2 out of 12
Average score for women: 7.1 out of 12

What does your result suggest?

If you scored 0 - 6: Do you find yourself having to physically rotate a map to point in the direction in which you're travelling? This might explain why you scored in the lower range in the 3D shapes test. Twice as many women as men score in this category. Previous studies suggest that those with a female-type brain or with an arts background fall into this range.

If you scored 7 - 9: In past studies, 50 per cent of the people who scored in this range were women and 50 per cent were men.

If you scored 10 - 12: Are you an engineer or do you have a science background? People with these skills tend to score in this range. Past studies have concluded that people in this range have a more male brain.

Nearly a third of men who took this test got full marks, whereas less than 10 per cent of women managed the same. Find out why.

Words

This task looked at your verbal fluency.

Your score: you associated 17 word(s) with grey and you named 11 word(s) that mean happy. We are assuming that all the words you entered are correct.

Average score for men: 11.4 words total
Average score for women: 12.4 words total

What does your result suggest?

If you produced 1 - 5 words: You are more of the strong, silent type with a male brain. You probably find it easier to express yourself in non-verbal ways, preferring action rather than words.

If you produced 6 - 10 words: Most people in this range have a female-type brain.

Women are said to use both sides of the brain when doing verbal tasks while men mainly use their left side. Studies have shown that girls develop vocabulary faster than boys. This difference in brain power is caused by levels of pre-natal testosterone. Find out more .

Ultimatum

This task asked you how you would divide money.

If you had to split £50 with someone, you said you would demand £25

So far on the Sex ID test, men have demanded 51.6% (£25.80) of the pot and women have demanded 51.0% (£25.50), on average.

What does your response suggest?

Sex differences are small in this task. Demanding less than 60% of the pot (ie £30) is more typically female. Demanding more than 65% of the pot (ie £32.50) is more typically male.

Scientists believe that people with lower testosterone levels tend to take fewer risks so they are probably more willing to keep less for themselves. Those with higher testosterone levels tend to drive a harder bargain and are less compromising.

Men's testosterone levels fluctuate over the seasons and are at their lowest levels during the springtime. This is said to influence their bargaining power. Find out more about the role of testosterone.

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Lucky 13 Reasons to Lose Weight

2007-04-05T09:12:00.000-05:00

Even though my husband thinks I’m hot now, he’ll think I’m even hotter if I am more comfortable in my own skin.

Less of me means less of me to swell – I’d be able to walk/sit longer without reaction if there wasn’t as much weight pressing down on my feet/butt.

I’ll be able to buy all sorts of cute clothes that they don’t make in my size now. And they’ll cost less. And I’ll have more variety.

I’ll be able to increase my flexibility in yoga without the fat in the way.

I’ll feel better about myself.

My rings that I haven’t been able to wear for years will fit again.

I want to set a good example of health for my family.

I want to prove that I *can* be thin again, and that I am not letting illness and long periods of (legal, medical) steroid use define me.

It will be easier to be pregnant if I am only carrying baby weight and not 60 pounds of additional fat.

It will also be nice to only have to lose the baby weight instead of an additional 60 pounds of fat.

Ireland. We are going on our honeymoon in December, and when I was in Europe last time, I felt like the biggest hog in existence. I was twice as big as everyone else, and I couldn’t buy any souvenir shirts because I was too fat. I want something from Ireland, damn it!

This is the biggie: I was talking to my beloved last night about my 13 reasons, and he came up with the.best.reason.ever that I should do this. I have been trying to convince him to wear a kilt ever since I met him, cause I think it would be hot. He finally agreed last night that after the first 40 pounds, he will wear a kilt just for me. Not in public or anything, but around the house. Rawr.

Oh, and he’ll wear it more than once after he gets it. Total motivation

Awesome

2007-04-05T08:22:00.000-05:00

Check this out. Now. http://www.snopes.com/embarrass/email/leaving.asp

While I have had many fantasies about what I would do upon leaving...well, most of my jobs....this guy actually did it.

It reminded me of my dad's fantasy to reenact the barbershop scene from Coming To America if he ever won the lottery and quit his job. You know the one I'm talking about...where Eddie Murphy (I think, in one of his characters) points to each person in the shop and individually tells them, "Fuck You."

Ah, dreams.

Help Tiffany Save Second Base!

2007-04-04T12:11:00.000-05:00

Tiffany, one of the fantastic ladies in my knitting group is doing the Avon Walk for Breast Cancer. In order to participate in the two day version of the walk, she needs to raise $1,800. I wish I could give her the entire amount she needs (a little over $1,100 as of this morning), but I's po, so I am reaching out to all of you for help!

As the possessor of some fine breasts, I know that I have a decent chance of having breast cancer, or having one of my close friends of family members get it. I've been lucky so far, but let's keep the research funded so that we can all continue to be lucky.

Oh, and Tiffany's signture line in her email to me this morning made me giggle!

Help me Save Second Base!

I'm walking in the Avon 2-Day Walk for Breast Cancer. Please consider helping me meet my $1800 goal by visiting here. Thanks!

Hump Day

2007-04-04T12:08:00.000-05:00

It’s Wednesday, and I only have a four day week – we get Good Friday off, which is about the only time of the year that working for Jebus pays off. We are also getting new systems this week, which means that I can’t actually do any work. It’s 10:00 a.m., I have done all I can for the day, and already attended a meeting. I have six hours to go. Did I mention nothing to do? And the fact that we’ve been yelled at for using the internet too much so I can’t even just play KOL all day? Or shop for new and exciting handbags?

The only good news about doing nothing at work is I got something cool written in the last few days that I have submitted to This I Believe. I don’t really think that I’ll get on the radio with it, but allegedly it will be on the website for all and sundry to see. I’ll let you know when it’s up – takes about 8 weeks.

So, here are some random thoughts that are going through my head today for your enjoyment, and my mental exercise for a while.

We reduced the price on the condo. As of Monday, we have been on the market for six months, and only have had three people look at it. Seriously, anyone reading this should deeply consider home ownership. Please, please, please buy our condo!!!!!!! Please!!!!!!!

Ok, begging concluded. We (and by “we” I mean “I”) are in a bit of a panic because the guy next door, Hackey McSnorey, put his place up on the market a couple of months ago. We thought we had nothing to worry about, as his place was a dump, had the ORIGINAL 1973 avocado green appliances, had carpet, and smelled like Old Sick Guy and cigarettes dating back to the 1970s.

Then he dropped his price down to $8,000 below ours.

And now he’s entirely remodeling his condo.

All new appliances, paint, carpet, floors, counters, everything.

He’s “off” the market right now, but will be coming back on when the work is done. Apparently he is living in Mexico now, and his kid, who is a contractor, is doing all the work.

Jeff’s theory is that we should just hope he sells quickly, and then hit it hard again, cause we don’t want to compete with the price, and can’t compete with all the work that’s being done (Jeff will barely break even on the place as is). I want to get moving and sell the joint before Hackey goes back on the market for the same reasons. I guess we’ll wait and see…

(Please buy our condo.)

I really wish I could spend this downtime moving my old blog into the new blog. I wonder if I can make that look like work? Or if I should be “sick” for the rest of the day, and go home and do something productive? Seriously, I got caught up in some other, non-work related, things for a while, and it’s now 11:09 a.m., with nothing to do. Our systems were supposed to be back up this morning, but, as there always is here, there are ‘problems’ and we have nothing. Julie and I started a mini pool…she thought we’d be up today at 11:30 (21 minutes to go), and I thought tomorrow around 10. I asked another co-worker, Dan, and he thinks we won’t be live until Monday. I’ll keep you posted.

Carla’s going to be an auntie – yay!!!

We are looking at a house next week that is in my old neighborhood of Cherokee – in fact, it’s right down the street from where K, Mike and I used to live. It’s a great house – nice layout (as far as we can tell from the pictures), I already love the neighborhood, AND it comes with a playhouse in the backyard wired for electric, and insulated. I’m picturing our (future) child playing in there as a toddler, and camping out in angst as a teenager. What a great little retreat.

Jeff and I have been taking yoga for the last few months, and this week was the first time that I really felt I could have bent more, and done bigger moves…except that MY FAT was in the way.

I have said in the past that my weight does not really interfere with my physical activity. This is for two reasons: (1) I don’t do that much physical activity to be interfered with; and (2) the HAE interferes way more than my fat ever could. I completely believe that fat people can be healthy, and for the most part, I am healthy.

But this Monday at yoga, I could feel my fat getting in the way. I could feel that my body wanted to do more movement, but that there was an obstacle. And when doing movements above my head, I could feel how heavy my arms were – much heavier than they should be, and I’d have to rest more than the other folks between movements.

I turn 32 on Saturday, and I am determined to be less of a woman by 33 than I am now. I will be working on my Lucky 13 Reasons to Lose Weight this afternoon, and will start in on my new program Monday.

I think my knitting group is in the crapper. Our last meetings have had almost no attendance, and tonight I even cancelled because it was just one other woman and me. I sent out the call for feedback, but everyone thinks things are dandy….but no one comes. I’m going to see what happens next time. I know that this week is bad because The Yarn Harlot is in town tonight. (However, I did not find this out until yesterday, as the news had not seeped under my rock, so there are no tickets left. Boo!)
It’s snowing today. As we speak, it is 21 degrees. This morning when I came to work, we had a wind chill of 1 degree above zero. Last week, it was 80. This week, I have to wear real shoes. Ah, yes, it is my birthday week, so there’s bound to be snow.

Did I mention it’s my birthday week? I wasn’t going to do anything, but Sarah decided that was not cool, and she and Jeff plotted* behind my back to have a gathering tomorrow. I’m not giving details, but if you want to know, drop me a line.

*Here’s how I think it went:

Sarah: We need to do something for Di’s birthday.

Jeff: I don’t think she wants anything done.

Sarah: Unacceptable behaviour. We are doing something for her birthday. Here is the plan.

Jeff: Ok….

Sarah: I’ll make her come. Don’t worry about it.

Jeff: Ok….

Sarah: It’s all good.

Jeff: (Internal: Make sure she doesn’t blame me.)

I didn’t want to do anything for my birthday, but I’m delighted that we are. Sweetie, I know you never read my blog, but I don’t blame you and I’m happy about the gathering!

Whoops. I thought my cell was on vibrate, but it wasn’t. You’ll be happy to know that my new glasses will be ready in about 7 working days.

In an effort to start drinking more water even before the Big Diet goes into effect, I have already had 64 ounces of water today. I can’t remember how many times I’ve peed, but I think I’m gonna have to again soon.

Damn it! I just found out that Wild Colonial Bhoys aren’t playing on my birthday. Not just not playing locally, but on a freaking vacation! WTF?

Jebus. The glasses place just called AGAIN to let me know that my card didn’t go through. I just activated it this morning (new card with new name) and I’m wondering if it hasn’t hit all systems yet.

Ok, so we’ve made it to 11:48 a.m. Still nothing to do. Still no system access, or word on system access. Sorry, Julie.

Which reminds me: I’m not sure why we are all here. I mean, we are all being paid full salary to do essentially nothing. I seem to remember that at Prudential, when we were being laid off and didn’t have access/work for the last few weeks, we were given rotating days off…we needed some staff to be there answering the phones, but certainly not everyone. I think that we are in the same boat – not only do we have little work to do, but since this is the week before the biggest damn day in Christendom, we’re not even getting many calls. I’ve taken two all day.

Jeff and I discovered Fiber One Bars this weekend. He’s been hearing about them on KFAN, and had mentioned them to me a while ago during my ongoing effort to get more fiber in my diet. (I later learned that it wasn’t a lack of fiber, but one of my meds that was causing the lack o’poo, but that’s probably more than you wanted to know.) We picked some up at SuperTarget this weekend, and they are indeed quite tasty. However, like everything else, they have High Fructose Corn Syrup. That shit is in everything. What happened to using real sugar?

Julie brought me a can of kosher Coke (real sugar instead of high fructose corn syrup) last week, and I was pleased to note that it was not only just as tasty as regular, but had thirty calories less. Apparently, the HFCS, while cheaper for the manufacturer, is much higher in calories. I knew that it was bad stuff, but I had no idea that it was so much higher in calories. And, again, it’s in everything. No wonder we’re all so fat.

(And, don’t give me any shit about how we’re all fat because we eat fat. Fat doesn’t turn into fat in the human body – sugar does. We are all fat because we eat too much sugar.)

Ok, I think I’m done rambling for now. It’s five after twelve, and I am on ounces 65-88 of water, and had a Fiber One Bar to tide me over until lunch. I’m gonna write my Lucky 13 and post this bad boy to whet your…uh…eyes?

Manners

2007-03-30T15:35:00.000-05:00

I can’t say with all honesty – or much honesty – that I have stellar manners, or know my way around any social situation with grace and ease. I’m sometimes abrupt, and I do tend to forget my “please” and “thank you.” However, I do at least try to be respectful and polite when I am speaking with someone I don’t know, or in the course of a business transaction (or both). (However, if you are a close friend you know all bets are off!)

Well, I seem to be in the fucking minority. As I go about my day-to-day business, and (worse) as I conduct my work, I find that manners seem to have begun to permanently reside in the pockets of those around me. The deep, dark pockets of the ugly winter coat that isn’t worn anymore, and has been shoved to the back of a closet. Perhaps the one from the blind grandmother three Christmases ago. That, I am convinced, are where the manners are.

For example, I go to Target a lot. A LOT. There is one downtown, and you’d be amazed how many times through the week there is something you gotta have there. Truly amazing. And even when I’ve shopped there three times during the week, I go at least once on the weekend, too. No wonder I’m always broke.

But I digress. My point here is, I come into contact with many of their “fine” employees on a regular basis. And it is a rare transaction that the cashier even talks to me. Not a “did you find anything?” or “have a nice day” or “my, that’s a lot of Reece’s”. Nothing. Not.one.word.

Ditto at fast food restaurants – especially the drive up windows. (Note: I don’t want to hear a damn word about my eating habits over the last month. I start a whole new me on April 9^th.) You get a barely audible something out of the box, and then just an Arm – first demanding money, and then handing food. God/Goddess/FSM forbid you want some extra ketchup or water. The Arm does not provide such things.

I am, as always, particularly stunned by the bad manners I see on the phone coming through my work lines. Granted, I work in a low-level, asshat job. But in defense of my co-workers, we are not your usual call center folk. Organization For Which I Work (OFWIW) has actually hired some people with brains and talent (totally uncalled for in this job, but still). When you call us, you are always getting someone with a degree, sometimes getting someone with a Master’s, and always talking to someone that knows far more than (a) you and (b) almost anyone else working in a similar environment, ever.

Now, I know the wo/man on the street isn’t going to know that. But we are not dealing with those people. We are a membership based organization- in theory, anyone calling us has dealt with us before, and knows that we are not your typical asshole.

So why the hate? Why the condescension? Why the lack of manners? Why the absolute assurance that no one you talk to has any fucking idea what they are doing?

I’m not going to go into the whole list of Thou Shall Not of manners, as those of you familiar with me have heard it all before. However, I am going to briefly put out there that I think this lack of manners might be the beginning of the downfall of civilization. You can talk about the lessening of moral fiber all you want, but I think that manners are really the basis of the whole thing.

Talk amongst yourselves.

And here to amuse me for my last 15 minutes of the day...

2007-03-29T15:55:00.000-05:00

10 FAVORITES

· Favorite Color: Yellow.

· Favorite Food: Corned beef and cabbage.

· Favorite Month: I like the in-between months, like April and October.

· Favorite Song: Hmmm…I haven’t been listening to much music lately. I’m going to have to go with the first song that popped into my head, which is the Dar/Ani version of Comfortably Numb.

· Favorite Movie: Four Weddings and a Funeral

· Favorite Sport: Curling

· Favorite Season: Spring. And it’s here!

· Favorite Day of the week: Sunday.

· Favorite Ice Cream Flavor: Chocolate chocolate chip.

· Favorite Time of Day: Late afternoon/early evening

9 CURRENTS

· Current Mood: Antsy.

· Current Taste: Choclate.

· Current Clothes: Jeans, green t-shirt, brown sweater, sandals

· Current Desktop: A window with a Utopia sign

· Current Toenail Color: Green

· Current Time: 3:45 p.m.

· Current Surroundings: Cube farm.

· Current Thoughts: 15 minutes….14 minutes….13 minutes….

8 FIRSTS

· First Best Friend: Amy in Maryland. We had the same birthday. She’ll be 32 next weekend, too. Happy Birthday, wherever you are!

· First Kiss: Nick Bourke when I was 15. It was tragic, and then he said, “Well, that kind of sucked, didn’t it?” He dumped me a few days later.

· First Screen Name: I can’t even remember.

· First Pet: A goldfish, Goldie, that Santa left for me. We learned a powerful lesson about getting rid of the chlorine in tap water from Goldie.

· First Piercing: Ears.

· First Crush: Goodness…I have no idea. I can tell you about lots of subsequent crushes, though!

· First CD: I bought my first CD the day that I bought my firsts CD player, and I was so broke by then (since it was over $400 to buy that!!) that I bought a rip-off of the Chant album, which was really popular at the time.

7 LASTS

· Last Cigarette: Ages ago.

· Last Drink: Last night, after a hard day at work.

· Last Car Ride: This morning when my sweetie dropped me off.

· Last Kiss: This morning when my sweetie dropped me off!

· Last Movie Seen: Uh….something that Jeff got at the library about a Scottish kid that fell for the only girl on his team, but didn’t like him back, but set him up with someone who did.

· Last Phone Call: Some work thing.

· Last CD Played: Don’t really play CDs anymore with the iPod…

6 HAVE YOU EVERS

· Have You Ever Dated One Of Your Best Guy/Girl Friends: Yep

· Have You Ever Broken the Law: Yep

· Have You Ever Been Arrested: No.

· Have You Ever Skinny Dipped: Yep

· Have You Ever Been on TV: Yep

· Have You Ever Kissed Someone You Didn’t Know: Oh, hellz yes.

5 THINGS

· Thing You’re Wearing: Wedding rings, sweater, sandals, glasses, sexy medical alert bracelet

· Thing You’ve Done Today: Bathed (cold bath – blah!), ate my lunch for breakfast, had lots of coffee, had a very bad for me lunch, and some work thrown in.

· Thing You Can Hear Right Now: Cube farm chatter and white noise generator.

· Thing You Can’t Live Without: My sweetie. Although he’s not a thing…

· Thing You Do When You’re Bored: I don’t get bored very often…I have lots of things to keep me busy, so if I’m bored, I have another activity to go to.

4 PLACES YOU’VE BEEN TODAY

· Work

· The can

· McDonald’s

· The Onion box on the corner of Marquette and 8th

3 PEOPLE YOU CAN TELL ANYTHING TO

· Jeff

· Barb

· Lots of other people – I always get grief about this question. If you think I can tell you anything, I probably can (and do!)

2 CHOICES

· Black or White: Black.

· Hot or Cold: Depends. Coffee? Hot. Fridge? Cold.

1 THING YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE

· Produce Little Sawatdee

And Now, Some Fabulous Things Worth Mentioning

2007-03-26T14:30:00.000-05:00

I am on my ninth full day of marriage, and being married kicks.almighty.ass

According to my little weather thingie online, it’s 77 degrees out, and I am going home in one hour and forty minutes to enjoy it. It’s so nice that I am thinking about asking Jeff to take our yoga mats to a park instead of to class. Even though we love love love our class and teacher, it’s too nice to spend an hour and a half inside tonight.

I slept with the windows open last night, for the first time all year. It was delightful.

And Sarah wrote a beautiful little something about today… I’ve already sent it around to my favorite co-workers, and I have a feeling it’s going to be one of those things that becomes an email forward. Sarah, did you copyright?

Obviously, I’m a Minnesotan, since I keep going on and on about the weather. But seriously, have you BEEN outside? It’s awesome!

I have made my semi-annual discovery that I have Nothing To Wear. How is it that I clothed myself all last summer with one t-shirt and one tank top that doesn’t need to be put under a sweater? I did a bit of shopping this weekend, and actually found two shirts that I love. LOVE. I never love my clothes.

I have a sassy new haircut.

There is a wedding present from my dad waiting for me at home to open.

We have the earnest money for our new house! Now we just have to sell the old one (and it would no longer be a happy list if I told you what’s going on there, so don’t ask).

I have awesome in-laws.

Next week, I only work four days, because Jebus gives us Good Friday off. It IS a Good Friday, as it’s the day before my birthday. Three days weekend!

Have I mentioned that my husband is awesome? And that I love being married to him?

Things Not Worth Bitching About

2007-03-26T13:57:00.000-05:00

I had a call today from a member who takes monthly installments from his retirement plan. He got his boxers all in a bunch because the company that does our installments for us took the money out of his account five days ago, but he doesn’t have his check, and he is losing all that interest.

I’m curious, and put on my math hat to see if this poor guy is going to be out starving on the streets because of this. According to my (admittedly rough) calculations, the money this guy lost was $2.90.

Two dollars and ninety cents.

Is it necessary for me to mention that he has more than $800,000 in his retirement account? An amount that, at my age, would almost double my salary to live on the interest alone for the rest of my life?

Even a lowlife like me can afford the two dollars and ninety cents. It’s in the mail, asshole. Love, Di.

The Time Has Come....

2007-03-26T13:20:00.000-05:00

"The time has come," the Walrus said,
"To talk of many things:
Of shoes--and ships--and sealing-wax--
Of cabbages--and kings--
And why the sea is boiling hot--
And whether pigs have wings." Lewis Carroll

The time has come for me to say Bu-bye to BlogCity. While I liked having an engine that was not what everyone else had (or, no one else that I knew, at least), the continuing struggle to get it to let me have pictures, or html, or any sort of fun in my entries has driven me back into the arms of Blogger.

Unlike most breakups, Blog-City, it IS you.

I have resurrected my old blog, and can now be found at red-headed-stepchild.blogspot.com. I'll be moving all the entries from this blog over there, if you ever have a deep urge to sift through the archives...

I'm Baaaack....

2007-03-23T12:24:00.000-05:00

I've been using blog-city for a couple of years, and while I liked it just fine, and liked being part of something that was a little less mainstream, the fact of the matter is that it's not as functional as I would like it. I have a hell of a time getting pictures to post, and it sometimes refuses to have anything to do with html that I put in there.

Couple that with the fact that I am too lazy to move all my postings to yet a THIRD blog, I'm here until I find something that I hate about Blogger and move again. (Although, this thing is getting too big for that, I think...I'll just suck it up and be a conformist, I guess.

My Visual DNA

2007-03-22T21:28:00.000-05:00

Read my VisualDNA™ Get your own VisualDNA™

Jeff and Diana Tie the Knot (Wo-hoo!)

2007-03-19T13:23:00.000-05:00

A few weeks ago, Jeff and I decided, for various reasons which I will not go into here, that we didn't want to wait until our original wedding date of May 11, 2007, and decided to elope on March 17^th. After all, St. Padraig's day IS my favorite holiday, and what better way to celebrate then by getting married??

The only reason Jeff didn't want to elope was because he wanted his parents there, so we decided to ask them along. Because my parents don't get along (correction, because my mom hates my dad like the Sunnis hate the Shiites), we had decided to invite my dad, and just tell my mom later that we had eloped. The judge that we had already hired for the May date told us he was free, and would open up his courtroom to us for no additional charge (luckily, as after his fee I couldn't afford an "additional charge"). I got Sarah moving on the dress, we got a license and rings, and we were all set to go.

Our plan was to go to Stillwater to get married, and have dinner later at Jeff's sister's house. Alison (sister) had bought all sorts of hors d'oeveres and I was making a big Irish dinner - stew with Guinness, a corned beef and cabbage, and I even baked soda bread.

Friday, I took a half day off to go get a pedicure and my nails done with the lovely Sarah, and then went home to have some final single time with my sweetie. I was craving Baja Sol, so we went to pick that up. When I got home, there was a fantastic flowery gift from Barb and Andrew. I would have taken a picture, but my sister has my camera for her trip to Poland this week. I'll have to try the camera phone....

While we were polishing that off. my dad called. His first words were, "Is it snowing there?"

"Uh, no. Is it showing there?"

Turns out that the Harrisburg airport was shut down, and his flight for the next day had already been cancelled. In fact, flights had been cancelled for the next 48 hours, and there was no way for him to get out, as all the "nearby" airports were closed, too. He wasn't coming. (Barb, this makes me glad that you didn't buy tickets, as it sounds like your airports were closed, too.)

Well, that sucked.

So, I had a bit of a cry, because I was really looking forward to having him there, and then I started thinking about getting married all alone with no one there, and that didn't make me happy either. I asked Jeff, "Do you think we should tell my mom?"

He thought we should. So I did.

"Hey, Ma. What are you guys doing tomorrow?"

"I don't know - did you have any ideas?"

"Well, Jeff and I thought we'd get married - wanna come?"

As you might imagine, the answer was yes. What I did not count on was the fact that she would be delighted and wanted to know what she could do. I told her we were going to Alison's for dinner afterward, but she thought that we should go to The Lexington, which was a favorite of my grandpa's, or maybe somewhere in Stillwater. She was going to call my aunt Annette right that minute to get some information on stuff in Stillwater. I told her to go ahead and invite them along, too.

Ma called back a few minutes later and said she couldn't get a reservation at The Lex, and that Annette thought everything else in town would be full, so Annette offered to cook dinner - for all 15 of us - at her house. On less than 24 hours notice. I know that she has a metric fuck ton of relatives, and that she regularly holds dinner parties for 35+ at her house, but still.

We confirmed with Jeff's family, and we were ready to go!

That night, Jeff and I went to Alison's for a dinner of Pizza Luce, provided by her very lovely new boyfriend Mike, and the four of us watched The Break Up. Then Jeff went home and I stayed with Alison, as I didn't want him to see me on the day of our wedding. I'm not traditional about many things, but that's one of them!

Alison let me sleep in, and I woke up to the sounds of her typing (as I was disoriented, and without coffee, I was trying to figure out what.the.hell the cats were doing that made that kind of a noise...). We went to breakfast at the Edina Grill (two thumbs way up), and then to Southdale to fix the Undergarment Emergency. While we were there, Alison also picked out another shawl for me to wear with my dress, as she was afraid the one Kristy made for me wouldn't keep me warm enough in the 30 degree weather we had.

While we were getting all this stuff ready, my mom called me to let me know that my aunt had looked at the directions we had for the ceremony location, and that while I thought I was getting married in the historic courthouse:

I was really getting married in the new county building:

Oh, well.

Then I went to get my hair done with the third most important man in my life, Alan at the Galleria Rocco. It was fantastic, as it always is with him.

Then Alison and I went back home, and I did some power knitting to calm my nerves while she took a shower. We wrestled me into The Contraption, and put my dress on so I could do make up (didn't want a big face smear on the inside of my dress!)

We drove to Stillwater, and got there about half an hour early. Even though we were way early, and the judge wasn't schedule to show up until twenty to four, we were not alone...Jeff and his parents were already there, and his sister Rachael and her husband Steve pulled in right after us. Since I didn't want Jeff to see me, Alison and I took a little driving tour of the immediate area until Jeff went inside.

Judge Armstrong got Jeff in and had the paperwork signed (Steve and Rachael were our witnesses) and then moved everyone into the courtroom. I went in to sign the paperwork, and then we just waited for the rest of my family to show up so we could begin.

Judge Armstrong let me go in the front door of the courtroom so I could "walk down the aisle" to where he and Jeff were right in front of the bench. My family was in the jury box, and Jeff's in the "visitor" section. They all wanted to take pictures before we even started:

And then the ceremony began:

And ended, per tradition, with a kiss:

We hung around the courtroom and had so

me pictures taken:

With Judge Thomas Armstrong

With our entire families (l-r): My parents, my sister Meredith, my sister Lauren, my cousin Katherine, my aunt Annette, Jeff, my uncle Ted, me, Jeff's sister Rachael, Rachael's husband Steve, Jeff's sister Alison, Jeff's mom Kathleen, and Jeff's dad David.

Then my aunt took us on a little driving tour of Stillwater for some photo ops:

It was very bright out, and I'm making funny faces in all of them. Hopefully someone got better ones!

Then we drove to the Lowell Inn for some more pictures. My aunt pulled me aside and told me she had picked the Lowell because when my Grandpa first came to Minnesota, it was one of the places that he wanted to see, and he really liked it. She said that not only was it beautiful inside for pictures, but she had arranged a champagne toast for all of us. Awww!

We took lots of pictures of all the different family configurations, and by then I was getting hungry (and sick of my shoes), so I asked if we were heading back to my aunt and uncle's. My mom said, "Well, I don't know...why don't we just eat here?"

Turns out, they had totally been pulling our legs about dinner at Annette and Ted's, and my mom had reserved the Garden Room for us for dinner.

AND a cake!

(It's a replica of Mom and Alan's cake - she arranged the woman at Byerly's to make it at the very last minute.)

We had dinner, and chatted for a while, and then cut the cake (the best part of any wedding!) Being a traditional sort of gal (at least when it comes to weddings), we fed each other the first piece.

Yum!

And, as man and wife, we went home to start our new lives together.

(All of these pictures are from my sister Meredith)

Next on Lifetime: A Wedding Story

2007-03-19T13:22:00.000-05:00

We eloped on March 17, 2007. Watch this space for the whole story!!

Now that I'm married, this is oh-so-relevant

2007-03-19T13:21:00.000-05:00

What type of person do you attract? Your Result: You attract artsy people! Those free spirited artists with great imaginations find you interesting. They are usually interesting themselves, so its not a bad thing, but they CAN be a bit wifty and choose odd goals. If you like life to always be a bit 'different' from the norm, but not too extreme in any one direction, these are the people for you. If you seek logical decision making skills and good money management, you may want to change something in the way you appear. Artsy people are fun for adventure and exploring, so, have fun! (smoking weed helps too)
You attract Yuppies!
You attract unstable people!
You attract geeks!
You attract models!
You attract rednecks!
What type of person do you attract? Quizzes for MySpace

Mad Libs Monday

2005-06-13T13:13:00.000-05:00

Got this from Barb, and sent it around (you can see hers at www.airynothing.com). Here are the results:

A typical day for Sarah Elizabeth Green Haggerty.

On a typical day I wake up, wash the pine sap from my Achilles tendon and put on my girdle. I say goodbye to Orville Redenbacher and I Greyhound bus to a Poughkeepsie where I am an Instructional Designer. I feel delicious about what I do, sure I’d rather be a Rectal Thermometer Tester in Vatican City, but this pays the bills and buys me lots of pet rocks that I can catapult.

My morning is pretty furtive. Aside from my 729 trips to the galley to coif my hair and my moist encounter with Barbara, it’s just the same every day.

I break for lunch and draw with Dave Herman over a fabulous plate of magic mushrooms. A quick jaunt to The House of Blues to Colonel Angus Diana, who’s a total reluctant pirate bride, and it’s back to the grind, until 3:07 p.m. when I jump in my puffy orange Vespa and head for home.

My evening is spent recycling and listening to Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch while doing yoga around the dressing room wishing I was Paige and drinking all sorts of Tang. Then it’s off to bed where I dream of monkeys and Jenni Sadique in support hose.

A typical day for John.

On a typical day I wake up, wash the gum from my nose and put on my underwear. I say goodbye to George Best and I bike to Nepal where I am a pubber. I feel bluish about what I do, sure I’d rather be a CEO in Brazil, but this pays the bills and buys me lots of sheep that I can kick.

My morning is pretty (adjective). Aside from my 7 trips to the powder room to shave and my pretty encounter Di, it’s just the same every day.

I break for lunch and draw with Dave over a smart plate of magic mushrooms. A quick jaunt to home to shake hands with Sarah, who’s a total Dracula, and it’s back to the grind, until 3:30 p.m. when I jump in my dark red bus and head for home.

My evening is spent sleeping and listening to Coldplay while playing soccer around the den wishing I was Sir Matt Busby and drinking all sorts of whiskey. Then it’s off to bed where I dream of bottles and Simon Mayo in a neck tie.

A typical day for Jessica Hays.

On a typical day I wake up, wash the cum from my ear and put on my pants. I say goodbye to Angelina Jolie and I fly to a Paris where I am a porn star. I feel crunchy about what I do, sure I’d rather be a mechanic in Lakeland, MN, but this pays the bills and buys me lots of boys that I can jump.

My morning is pretty yellow. Aside from my 6 trips to the outhouse to crap and my green encounter with Diana, it’s just the same every day.

I break for lunch and draw with Paris Hilton over a blue plate of magic mushrooms. A quick jaunt to Italy to kiss Diana, who’s a total pumpkin, and it’s back to the grind, until 3:00 p.m. when I jump in my burned orange bicycle and head for home.

My evening is spent sleeping and listening to 3 Doors Down while playing soccer around the can wishing I was myself and drinking all sorts of Pepsi. Then it’s off to bed where I dream of cats and Dallas-Doing Debbie in underwear.

A typical day for Dean.

On a typical day I wake up, wash the cum from my boob and put on my garter. I say goodbye to Gillian Anderson and I take an airplane to a Alaska where I am a Tech Lead. I feel lovely about what I do, sure I’d rather be a CIO in Minnesota, but this pays the bills and buys me lots of trains so that I can run.

My morning is pretty quick. Aside from my 69 trips to the kitchen to shower, and my slow encounter with Adam, it’s just the same every day.

I break for lunch and draw with Jill over a sweet plate of magic mushrooms. A quick jaunt to Boston to hug Joe, who’s a total vampire, and it’s back to the grind, until 2:00 p.m. when I jump in my weakly red car and head for home.

My evening is spent sleeping and listening to The Streets while playing polo around the bedroom wishing I was Chris and drinking all sorts of beer. Then it’s off to bed where I dream of boobs and John in a stocking.

A typical day for Dave.

On a typical day I wake up, wash the Mercohnium from my adenoid and put on my spat. I say goodbye to Aimee Fischer and I take the Hindenburg to a sewer where I am a anal-lyst. I feel lascivious about what I do, sure I’d rather be a Comptroller in Zululand, but this pays the bills and buys me lots of pocket gophers that I can reel.

My morning is pretty remorseless. Aside from my one trip to the shower to brush my teeth and my guilt-ridden encounter with Di, it’s just the same every day.

I break for lunch and draw with Paige Davis over a incendiary plate of magic mushrooms. A quick jaunt to Vietnam to cage fight with Di, who’s a total rape victim, and it’s back to the grind, until quittin’ time, when I jump in my deciduous periwinkle Beetle and head for home.

My evening is spent staring into space and listening to Foo Fighters while lynching in the cat box room wishing I was Hitler and drinking all sorts of root beer. Then it’s off to bed where I dream of severance packages and the psychoexgirlfriend.com guy in a pantaloons.

A typical day for Jenn.

On a typical day I wake up, wash the colostrum from my left knee and put on my sock. I say goodbye to Garfield and I foot to Hawaii where I am an RN. I feel silly about what I do, sure I’d rather be the Queen of All She Surveys in Ireland, but this pays the bills and buys me lots of cats that I can swim.

My morning is pretty orange. Aside from my 7 trips to the kitchen to think and my hot encounter with Di, it’s just the same every day.

I break for lunch and draw with Jeff over a weird plate of magic mushrooms. A quick jaunt to Canada to chat with Di, who’s a total gorilla, and it’s back to the grind, until high tea when I jump in my squishy platinum Beetle and head for home.

My evening is spent sleeping and listening to U2 while tickling around the closet wishing I was Greg Louganis and drinking all sorts of Coke. Then it’s off to bed where I dream of teeth and Ana in a hat.

A typical day for Diana.

On a typical day I wake up, wash the rubber cement from my big toe and put on my brassiere. I say goodbye to John Cusack and I take a burro to a Ireland where I am an account manager. I feel sticky about what I do, sure I’d rather be a stevedore in Pennsylvania, but this pays the bills and buys me lots of kitties that I can juggle.

My morning is pretty yellow. Aside from my 37 trips to the dining room to wax my upper lip, and my encouraging encounter with Sarah, it’s just the same every day.

I break for lunch and draw with the Wild Colonial Bhoys over a outstanding plate of magic mushrooms. A quick jaunt to IKEA to snuggle with Barb, who’s a total bum, and it’s back to the grind, until 3:30 p.m., when I jump in my crunchy blue train and head for home.

My evening is spent scraping the cat barf off my floor and listening to John Groban while walking around the bathroom wishing I was Queen Elizabeth I and drinking all sorts of Bailey’s. Then it’s off to bed where I dream of pubs and Megan Slankard in a shoe.

A typical day for Sara Camerer.

On a typical day I wake up, wash the boogers from my junga-jungas and put on my knickers. I say goodbye to Colin Firth and I jet to a Stonehenge where I am Whatever I Want to Be. I feel horny about what I do, sure I’d rather be a Chief of Hole Inspection in Ireland, but this pays the bills and buys me lots of puppies that I can skip.

My morning is pretty purple. Aside from my 13 trips to Room 12 brush my teeth and my bumpy encounter with Sarah Haggerty it’s just the same every day.

I break for lunch and draw with Dave Herman over a zippy plate of magic mushrooms. A quick jaunt to St. Paul to touch Diana Johnson, who’s a total pickle and it’s back to the grind, until 3:00 p.m. when I jump in my funny green Audi TT and head for home.

My evening is spent sleeping and listening to Sting while having sex in the playroom wishing I was Eleanor Roosevelt and drinking all sorts of Coke with Splenda. Then it’s off to bed where I dream of buggies and Barbie in a socks.

A typical day for Jenni.

On a typical day I wake up, wash the tree sap from my knees and put on my skirt. I say goodbye to Bruce Willis and I moped to a Texas where I am a nurse. I feel strange about what I do, sure I’d rather be a dog walker in Yemen, but this pays the bills and buys me lots of sticks that I can throw.

My morning is pretty intense. Aside from my 25 trips to the sunroom to sing and my loud encounter with Haley it’s just the same every day.I break for lunch and draw with Diana over a uplifting plate of magic mushrooms. A quick jaunt to Target to hug Sarah, who’s a total princess, and it’s back to the grind, until 3:32 p.m. when I jump in my wrinkly green rickshaw and head for home.

My evening is spent knitting and listening to Michael Jackson while drinking around bedroom wishing I was George W. Bush and drinking all sorts of tequila. Then it’s off to bed where I dream of cameras and Craig in a belt.

Check out these fun sites!

2005-06-11T21:43:00.000-05:00

This week I have been reading ThinkYou're The Only One? Oddball Groups Where Outsiders Fit In. Here are a few of the organizations who need to be highlighted:

The Church of the Subgenius: Founded by "Bob" in 1953 who believed that a Conspiricy of Normal Humans was out to repress the abnormalities of the nice weirdos of the world. He founded the Church to protect them from the ravages of mainstream society. Motto: Fuck 'em if they can't take a joke.

The Church of Volkswagenism: Jason Gaudet, the High Priest of Volkswagenism, encourages others to experience the love of VW's and revel in driving them. They have their own scriptures and saints. Motto: Volkwagenism: Followers Wanted.

The Interntional Association of Drunk Bastards: Basically, they drink. It brings a tear to my wee Irish eye. Motto: Bibere ergo sum (I drink, therefore I am).

The International Jewish Conspiracy (InJewCon): Paranoid anti-Semites continue to claim that there exists an international Jewish conspiracy, so someone decided that the best way to mock this idea was to create a public web site to share all of the conspiracy's "secrets". Mottos: From the People Who Brough You Banking. Community, Industry, Deli. Call Your Mother.

Join Me! (Or, the Karma Army): The brianchild of Danny Wallace, who put an ad in a London newspaper that said "Join Me" but he had no idea what for. As a result, he has now formed a cult who perform random acts of kindness, particularly on Fridays (Good Friday). Motto: It's nice to be nice.

The Luxuriant Flowing Hair Club for Scientists (LFHCfS): When many people think of scientists, they think of a small balding man in a lab coat. The LFHCfS aims to remind the public that scientists come fabulously coiffed, too.

National Organization Taunting Safety and Fairness Everywhere (NOTSAFE): NOTSAFE believes that constant regulation errodes our freedom, and the best way to combat regulation is to ridicule it. Mottos: LIVELLAFOTOREHTSITNEMNREVOG. Protecting Everyone from Everything at Any Cost.

No Kidding! The International Social Club for Childless and Childfree Couples and Singles: I think that says it all.

The Paranormal and Ghost Society: Their mission is to seek truth, take photographs, and provide honest reports of paranormal activity.

Peep Researchers: A group which has done numerous scientific experiments on those little marshmallow birds, testing their responses to changes in pressure, temperature, and other external stimuli.

The Society for Basic Irreproductible Research: Mission: To perpetuate a resentment against hypocrisy, to encourage the abhorrence of self-aggrandizement, to deplore the arrogance of many peole, especially in government, to encourage people who call an outrageous exaggeration a lie, and to avoid circumlocution and all of it's aspects.

Dave: The Expansion Pack

2005-06-11T21:42:00.000-05:00

So, the other day, Dave looked at my blog and was bummed that he wasn't mentioned in it. Frankly, since he wasn't part of a recent dating escapade, I hadn't thought to add him in. However, I did (see previous posting) and he replied with a bunch of other Dave/Di stories he thinks that the world should know. Here is a brief synopsis (details provided upon request):

Dave was going out with the Crack Whore (and I use "going out" loosely), got stoned at her house one night, and couldn't find his way home. I get a call from "Somewhere on Highway 100" to come get him...but he had no idea where he was.
Although I wanted him never to have the Crack Whore in my car, he did, and apprently she pleasured herself for him...in traffic.
Dave once digitally anally raped Scabby. He claims it was an accident, but I'm pretty sure that he enjoyed it. As a result, Scabby's head is too small for his body.
In college, Dave barfed in my bathroom, cleaned it up with my bath towel, and threw said towel in the tub for me to find. He still thinks that's the funniest fucking thing ever.
There is a picture of my ass (etc) out there in the world. The less said about that, the better.
Dave continues to bitch about the fact that I once drank all his Midori (and I didn't drink ALL of it, but I sure did drink it while I was working campus security....go ahead, MSU...take away my seven dollars an hour!), just to have a reason to bitch at me. (And this is backed up by an email of 6.9.05 yay!)
Dave let me borrow the Lieberwagon to an interview in the Cities (during college). One had to short out the engine to make it go, and the Wagon had been having a bad day. My mom was so horrified when I showed up in the Wagon hat I never had to beg a ride again.

And, now you know.

"Too Much Christmas"

2005-06-09T21:41:00.000-05:00

I'd like to take a moment now to mention my friend Dave, who did not make it into the old blog, and is now having a bit of a crisis because of it. He's a swell guy, even if he lives in Sioux Falls. He and his wife Jenn are expecting their first baby, and I am looking forward to having a little Hatt to corrupt.

Jebus DOES Answer Prayers!

2005-06-09T21:39:00.000-05:00

Thank you, Jebus!

Got the message below from last night's date:

Thanks for joining me for dinner last night. The food was good as was the conversation. However to be honest, I felt more of a friend vibe than any real chemistry…so not sure what happens from here….?

Dear Jebus

2005-06-08T21:37:00.000-05:00

Oy.

Just got back from another first date. For those of you that are just joining us, I have been out of the dating pool for a while, and am not back trying to find Mr. Right. Or at least Mr. Doesn't Make Me Vomit.

So, I found this one on The Onion Personals. I tend to likeThe Onion cause it has relatively nifty and liberal guys - for the most part you don't get supporters of the Moral Majority on that one.

This guy seemed pretty cool - divorced, couple of kids that live at a distance (sorry to be petty, but I kind of like it like that), employed. Talked over email for a couple days, and then he asked me out. We made arrangements to meet at the Roasted Pear in Burnsville, which I had never heard of.

Met him there tonight. The Roasted Pear is a restaurant that is trying to be unique, but has all the signs of something that is going to soon emerge into a chain. It has good, but not terribly interesting food, and the ambiance leaves a bit to be desired - bad, bad music and the decor isn't really pulled together. It looks kind of like a Bakers Square that's tried to class itself up.

Here are some of the evening's hightlights:

We sit, and he orders wine. Zinfandel. Now, again call me petty, but I beleive that you can tell a lot about a person by their selection in alcohol. In my world, real men don't drink lite beer. They also don't drink Zinfandel. That's too wussy even for me.
I am informed that I can order anything that I want...as long as it's not over four dollars. And then he chuckles at his own cleaverness.
He uses the "quotation marks" with "everything" including "things" that don't need to "be". And it's "fucking annoying".
Divorced (not that there's anything wrong with that), and not sure where he's "at" emotionally. Was "very depressed" this winter, and seems to have some good anger toward the X (again, not that there's anything wrong with that - I hate mine with an unholy passion most days - but it's not exactly date material).
Christian. Very much so. Weekly church services and daily prayers. Again, ok...but not for me.
Thinks that the Minneapolis smoking ban is ridiculous, and doesn't beleive that the government should interfere with private business (yes, do we smell a bit of Republican here)?
When I ordered a salad, he wanted to know if I had something against meat. My salad actually included chicken and bacon (and again cemented my theory that Everything is Better with Bacon).
Found out I had pets - wanted to know if I was a "Cat Lady."
Disclosed that he doesn't have any money (who the hell does?), and that he bought a house he can't afford, has no cash and lots of credit, so if he wants something, he'll "just buy it" on credit, and gave me a rundown of all the useless things that he's bought in the last few days...all on plastic...

Now, he's not a bad person, just a total social moron, and lacking in any kind of idea of dating etiquette. He's SO not my lobster.

And, of course, he thinks I'm fabulous, and will be emailing me tomorrow. Today's Poll: How do you tell someone that you know, in your heart, is going to continue to ask you out with a determination that would made Lance Armstrong a pushover, that you would really prefer if he lost your number???

Wo-Hoo! A New Blog!

2005-06-08T21:35:00.000-05:00

Greetings! Welcome to Red-Headed-Stepchild, my verbal meanderings on Life, the Universe, and Everything.

If you want to learn what I was up to before I changed over to Blog City, check me out at the Old Red-Headed-Stepchild.

This is what we need.

2005-06-06T16:31:00.000-05:00

The Solution

Sharon Olds

Finally they got the Singles problem under control, they made it scientific. They opened huge Sex Centers-you could simply go and state what you want and they would find you someone who wanted that too. You would stand under a sign saying I Like to Be Touched and Held and when someone came and stood under the sign saying I Like to Touch and Hold they would send the two of you off together.

At first it went great. A steady stream of people under the sign I Like to Give Pain paired up with a steady stream of people from under I Like to Receive Pain. Foreplay Only-No Orgasm found its adherents, and Orgasm Only-No Foreplay matched up its believers. A loyal Berkeley, California, policeman stood under the sign Married Adults, Lights Out, Face to Face, Under a Sheet, because that's the only way it was legal in Berkeley-but he stood there a long time in his lonely blue law coat. And the man under I Like to Be Sung to While Bread Is Kneaded on My Stomach had been there weeks without a reply.

Things began to get strange. The Love Only-No Sex was doing fine; the Sex Only-No Love was doing well, pair after pair walking out together like wooden animals off a child's ark, but the line for 38D or Bigger was getting unruly, shouting insults at the line for 8 Inches or Longer, and odd isolated signs were springing up everywhere, Retired Schoolteacher and Parakeet-No Leather; One Rm/No Bath/View of Sausage Factory.

The din rose in the vast room. The line under I Want to Be Fucked Senseless was so long that portable toilets had to be added and a minister brought for deaths, births, and marriages on the line. Over under I Want to Fuck Senseless-no one, a pile of guns. A hollow roaring filled the enormous gym. More and more people began to move over to Want to Be Fucked Senseless. The line snaked around the gym, the stadium, the whole town, out into the fields. More and more people joined it, until Fucked Senseless stretched across the nation in a huge wide belt like the Milky Way, and since they had to name it they named it, they called it the American Way.

Grab some Kleenex...You're gonna laugh until you cry!

2005-06-06T13:57:00.000-05:00

Check out Sarah's blog: Another dream-nugget from the archives of my imagination

Holy Birthday, Batman!

2005-06-06T09:08:00.000-05:00

For those of you that are loyal followers of Moi, you will know that my 30th birthday was in April (you can see pictures of the party The Girls threw for me here - and thanks to Barb for being so darn web-savvy!). And you will know that I was kind of bummed/irritated/whatever that MY PARENTS did NOT get me a PRESENT!! WTF???

The Official Excuse was that I am too hard to buy for, and that I hadn't given them any ideas. Whatever! I am a treasure trove of ideas, I love everything, I drop hints all the time, and when the going gets rough, the Di loves diamonds. C'mon! I'm 30!! That deserves something besides balloons!!!!

The parents have TOTALLY redeemed themselves.

This weekend, I was informed that they are taking my sisters and I to LONDON and PARIS in August!!!

Yay!!!!!

Irritation...of the Swelling Kind

2005-06-03T15:00:00.000-05:00

Argh.

Just got a call from the Nurse Practitioner at my Immunologist's office....they ran a bunch of labs last week, and once again, nothing is showing up.

We were looking for two main things: thyroid antibodies (not function, but to see if my body is building an intolerance for my thyroid), and that continues to be borderline at 2.0 (same as in September). Once it hits 2.1, they'll start to worry, but for now it's considered "normal".

My C1 esterace inhibitor function is better than it was in September: anything above 67% is normal, my functions were 92% in September, and are now at 97%. Can't get much better than that.

All my other counts were, in her words, "smack dab in the middle" of where they should be. All the complements, hemoglobin, white blood cells, lymphocytes, platelets...normal, normal, normal.

How annoying.

More fun stuff from Blogthings.com

2005-06-03T14:11:00.000-05:00

You Are 50% Normal
(Somewhat Normal)

While some of your behavior is quite normal...
Other things you do are downright strange
You've got a little of your freak going on
But you mostly keep your weirdness to yourself

How Normal Are You?

By popular request...Di's Dating Sagas....

2005-06-03T09:44:00.000-05:00

And so, I again find myself single. To make a long story short, Fabulous John of several posts ago was unable to rise to the occasion, if you catch my drift, and instead of dealing with it like a man, he decided to get rid of me, the "reminder" of his "failure". Whatever.

And, as a result, my new and improved ad is back up on the Onion Personals (you can check me out at 21_seeking_42).

I was telling Barb about one of the responses last night, and she said that I needed to start blogging my dating life, as these stories are just too funny to keep to myself. So, here we go....

I'd been back on The Onion for a couple of days, and got an email from AntiGWBush. Well, gosh, that sounded promising...I, myself, am Anti-GWBush. I clicked on the profile first (go ahead, do it...) and was a bit concerned - I mean, I hate GW, but there is a limit to how much I can bring that into every day conversation. Then, I read his email....below, in red, for your personal amusement:

I thought your profile sounded interesting so I thought I would contact you. I never know what people want to know about me, but I will do my best to write something somewhat interesting.

I am a person who has spent the last decade of my life waking up to the world around me. I graduated from high school without much clue of what I wanted to do with my life. I was very complacent and thought I could get by the way most people got by, that is working in the corporate world. After spending some time doing this however I realized how badly I was being exploited by the people in power along with everyone else that I worked with. I decided that I could no longer work for any company that operated as if profit came before people.

Five years after my high school graduation I decided that I needed to educate myself so that I could effectively challenge the powerful. I started going to college in 2001, and during the first few weeks of class the attacks of September 11th happened. I watched as many Americans suddenly began to blindly follow the Bush Administration into a war which I knew would kill far more civilians than terrorists.

I was an extremely shy person in the past, but when I was confronted with the prospect of living in a country which blindly went to war without a thought of the consequences that war would have on innocent people, I knew I had to speak out. It seemed at first as if I was the only person opposing the war in Afghanistan at first, but as I talked to more people I realized that there were many others who had similar feelings.

I was worried that the Bush Administration was more concerned about spreading American power, than they were about fighting terrorism. When they announced they were going to attack Iraq I felt I had to continue fighting against their plans, so I became more closely involved in the protest movement.

I am not trying to tell you my life story here, I just want to give you an idea of who I am and what is important to me. So let me just wrap up by saying that I just graduated from Hamline University last week, and am now looking to find a job which will either allow me to continue to advocate for causes which are important to me or allow me to serve underprivileged people.

One of the things that attracted me to your ad was that you said you wouldn't drive a car if you didn't have to. I rarely drive myself, and I am also a big supporter of mass transit. I may be forced to get a car soon, because I need to be able to get to work somehow but I almost feel guilty in doing so. I realize the destruction that our appetite for fossil fuels has on our environment, and there is nothing more important to me than our planet.

Anyways, I will let you respond if you want to know more about me. Feel free to ask me any questions. If you are interested in a picture I should be able to find one soon, I just don't have it posted online at this moment.

I guess what I am looking for is just someone who is honest about who they are, and someone who believes in working to make the world better. That doesn't necessarily mean that you have to be an activist, it just means that you recognize the impact that your life has on others and work towards living that life in the best way possible. I realize that my views are often quite radical, and I by no means expect that you will always agree with them. All that I expect is that you remain open minded and don't just blindly follow me or anyone else.

I am basically just looking for an egalitarian relationship, where we are both equals. My major in college was Sociology, so I understand gender roles and the paternalistic hierarchy that exists in this country. I am a man who is not ashamed to admit that I am a feminist, and I could not in good conscious enter a relationship in which I was expected to take charge over a woman's life. I want to be with a woman who is not ashamed that she is a woman, and does not look to men to guide her life. Some women say they want to be treated as a princess, the thing they don't realize is that far too often the prince grows to be far more powerful than the princess. I am looking for a woman who doesn't want to be treated as a princess, but rather wants to be treated as an equal. I believe that the only healthy human relationships are equal relationships, and if you agree then you should contact me.

First of all, holy fuck! That's a mouthful!

Second, my reasons for not wanting to own a car are primarily not ecological. I mean, I believe in Loving Your Mother and all that shit. But, the real reason is that it irritates me that I pay more for my transportation costs in a month than I do for my rent, and that's just bloody wrong. And, if we had better mass transit in this town, there would be less congestion on the freeways, and I'd be able to use it, and therefore have more reading time in a day. I heart mass transit.

Third, Jebus. I don't think it's a big secret that I'm a liberal, but this guy is too liberal even for me. I have this terrible vision of every conversation revolving against GW (since, even his favorite love scene in movie had a GW reference). Every activity would be some sort of Anti-GW demonstration. I'd have to sell my car so as not to be a sell out to Big Oil (not like I haven't already considered that). I'd probably have to give up my crafting, so as not to conform to the stereotypical roles of women in the home, and learn to be an equal member of a relationship (and, I'm sure that the fact I enjoy those activities is just proof of the brainwashing that I have been subjected to as a woman). And I'm pretty sure sex would be less about getting off than making some sort of political statement. (On the plus side, if he's so into equality, maybe I could have a decent orgasm...).

Maybe being single isn't so bad......

Which Happy Bunny Are You?

2005-05-27T08:45:00.000-05:00

you are the cute but psycho happy bunny. You
adorable, but a little out there. It's alright,
you might not have it all, but there are worse

which happy bunny are you?
brought to you by

I'm gonna try this tactic on my next application....

2005-05-19T09:37:00.000-05:00

McDONALD'S JOB APPLICATION
This is an actual job application that a 17 year old boy submitted to McDonald's in Florida... and they hired him because he was so honest and funny!

NAME: Greg Bulmash.

SEX: Not yet. Still waiting for the right person.

DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place.

DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.

EDUCATION: Yes.

LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.

SALARY: Less than I'm worth.

MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.

REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.

HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.

PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.

DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.

MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?

DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 LBS?: Of what?

DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?"

HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing house Sweepstakes.
DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job no, on my breaks yes.

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde super model who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.

DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: Yes. Absolutely.

SIGN HERE: Aries.

Blame Mushi...through Barb....

2005-05-17T13:57:00.000-05:00

You Are 21 Years Old

21

Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe.
13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world.
20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences.
30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more!
40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

What Age Do You Act?

Mindless Star Wars Fun - From Ted

2005-05-17T09:43:00.000-05:00

:: how jedi are you? ::

The Perfect Day - Alice N. Persons

2005-05-13T08:48:00.000-05:00

The Perfect Day

You wake with
no aches
in the arms
of your beloved
to the smell of fresh coffee
you eat a giant breakfast
with no thought
of carbs
there is time to read
with a purring cat on your lap
later you walk by the ocean
with your dog
on this cut crystal day
your favorite music and the sun
fill the house
a short delicious nap
under a fleece throw
comes later
and the phone doesn't ring
at dusk you roast a chicken,
bake bread, make an exquisite
chocolate cake
for some friends
you've been missing
someone brings you an
unexpected present
and the wine is just right with the food
after a wonderful party
you sink into sleep
in a clean nightgown
in fresh sheets
your sweetheart doesn't snore
and in your dreams
and old piece of sadness
lifts away

And some more things about me

2005-05-10T20:11:00.000-05:00

You are Betty Grable

The ulitmate girl next doorYou're the perfect girl for most guysPretty yet approachable. Beautiful yet real.

What Famous Pinup Are You? Take This Quiz :-)

Find the Love of Your Life (and More Love Quizzes) at Your New Romance.

You Are the Girl Next Door!

You're caring, warm, and the girl that nice guys want to marry.Uncomplicated and simple, you've got an easy going attitude guys love.But this doesn't mean you're dull - far from it!You're a great conversationalist, and you're an expert at living the good life.

What Kind of Girl Are You? Take This Quiz :-)

Find the Love of Your Life (and More Love Quizzes) at Your New Romance.

Your Scent is Lemon

Vivacious, tangy, and lively
You are one gigantic ball of energy!
What Scent Are You? Take This Quiz :-)
Find the Love of Your Life (and More Love Quizzes) at Your New Romance.

Your Inner Muse is Thalia

You are most like this playful muse of comedy.
Life is all about laughter to you, and you're a natural comic.
You make people laugh until their sides split.
And you're always up for some play time!
What Muse Are You? Take This Quiz :-)
Find the Love of Your Life (and More Love Quizzes) at Your New Romance.

Your Gemstone is Topaz

Comforting, considerate, and stable.
You are down to earth and grounded.
What Gemstone Are You? Take This Quiz :-)
Find the Love of Your Life (and More Love Quizzes) at Your New Romance.

Your Aura is Blue

Your Personality: Your natural warmth and intuition nurtures those around you. You are accepting and always follow your heart.

You in Love: Relationships are your top priority, and this includes love. You are most happy when you are serious with someone.

Your Career: You need to help others in your job to feel satistifed. You would be a great nurse, psychologist, or counselor.
What Color Is Your Aura? Take This Quiz :-)
Find the Love of Your Life (and More Love Quizzes) at Your New Romance.

This will come as no surprise.

2005-05-10T20:07:00.000-05:00

You Have Your PhD in Men

You understand men almost better than anyone.
You accept that guys are very different, and you read signals well.
Work what you know about men, and your relationships will be blissful.
How Well Do You Understand Men? Take This Quiz :-)
Find the Love of Your Life (and More Love Quizzes) at Your New Romance.

How Well Do You Know Me??

2005-05-02T11:19:00.000-05:00

1. What time did you get up this morning?
Well, the alarm went off at quarter to seven, but it seems that I did not actually get up until about twenty after...

2. Diamonds or pearls?
Diamonds.

3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema?
Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.

4. What is your favorite TV show?
X-Files. All time favorite!

5. What did you have for breakfast?
I'm sure this will be no surprise, but I didn't go grocery shopping, and therefore am out of bagels. And I was running too late to stop somewhere. So, the short answer is coffee. God bless my employer that keeps us in free caffeine!

6. What is your middle name?
Elizabeth.

7. Favorite cuisine?
Anything but seafood. And no, I'm not allergic - I just don't like it.

8. What foods do you dislike?
Mint. Seafood.

9. What is your favorite flavor of ice cream?
Oh, man...do I have to choose? Cinnamon. Toasted almond fudge. Pretty much anything at GOC or Joe's....

10. What is your favorite CD at the Moment?
Wild Colonial Bhoys: Graffiti on the Wall

11. Favorite Sandwich?
Bacon, havarti and HP on pita. Oh, or ham and pepper jack with pickles. Or corned beef, toasted, with swiss cheese. Maybe I *should* have picked something up for breakfast....

12. What kind of car do you drive?
Crunchy: 2002 Toyota Rav4. Currently looking for a new home, if anyone would like to take him in (for a price).

13. What characteristic do you despise?
Closed-mindedness. (Is that a word? It is now!)

14. Favorite item of clothing?
My Emily t-shirt and black sweatshirt. With jeans and sneakers. Which I am wearing today because it is so bloody cold out!

15. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you go?
Ireland, baby, Ireland.

16. What color is your bathroom?
Uh...white? I'm not usually awake enough to notice.

17 Favorite brand of clothing?
Brands? What??

18. Where would you like to retire?
Where ever the people I love are.

19. Favorite time of day?
Late evening. Or Sunday mornings.

20. What was your most memorable birthday?
30th. You know, what with getting older, I have to go with the most recent one. :) Actually, it was fantastic....my friends got together to throw me a day that was all about me!

21. Where were you born?
Oakland, CA

22. Favorite sport to watch?'
Curling. :) Basketball, baseball....better live. And I seem to remember liking hockey....

23. Who do you least expect to send this back to you?
Dave. And I always say that just so that he will. :P

24. Person you expect to send it back first?
I'd say Shaggs, cause I bet that she got it from Liz, and she is responding to it now!

25. What fabric detergent do you use?
Uh...whatever smelled good in the store. When I remember to use it. Or whatever my parents have at their house.

26. When is your birthday?
April 7th.

27.Are you a morning person or a night person?
Night, night, night. Hate the mornings.

28. What is your shoe size?
10 or so. My parents used to rent me out to help contain forest fires.

29. What did you want to be when you were little?
A teacher.

30. What field are you in now?
Medical insurance broker. How'd that happen!?!

New Year's Resolutions

2005-04-18T13:43:00.000-05:00

Ok, so it's not officially New Year's. Although I would like to point out that April did used to be the beginning of the New Year....It is a new year for me, as I am now 30 (!), and have a few things that I'd like to change at this point in my life.

(A) I'm fat. I can't even pawn it all off on being big-boned. And I think I'm finally tired of it. I have posted my goals and plan on A Jiggle of Fat Chicks Lose Weight and have set my goal at 160. Frankly, I'll be thrilled to get below 200 - it would be the first time since December, 2000. And to be able to buy cute clothes again? Heaven!

(B) I need to get my financial situation back on track. My debt is growing, and although I have taken positive first steps to get it under control, I've yet to follow up on that. And I'm finding that not having a safety net is a real problem - this paycheck alone I've had to find money for glasses, and to cremate Annie - and then I had to get Crunchy fixed, and owe a butt load in taxes (thanks, parents, for picking up those tabs). I lack discipline, and I need to figure out how to *make* myself by responsible.

That should be a good start...

Blasts from the Past

2005-04-06T14:11:00.000-05:00

I have learned that every man lives not through care of himself, but by
love ~ Leo Tolstoy

Sunday night, I was at home alone feeling sorry for myself. I'd had a fantastic date on Friday night with a guy that I had been unwilling 37 times a day for a week (literally), but hadn't heard from him since, and had gotten a weird vibe from at the end of the date (the, I don't think I'm going to see you again vibe).

The Sara/hs and I had a craft day all day, and I was obsessing over not only this but my love life in general. And I had pretty much decided that I was gonna call it quits, turn 30 and become a lonely old cat woman. They left, and I was just hanging out, talking to Winona Boy on line, and hoping against hope that Friday Night Boy would get online, too.

And then my cell phone rang. I didn't recognize the St. Paul number, and picked up to hear, "Hi, Diana? This is John. We dated last summer?"

(For those of you just joining the program, some background: John and I had met on Match, and gone out for a few weeks. We'd had a wonderful time, great connection - both mental and physical - and everything seemed to be going great. Introduced him to the friends, and they loved him. Then, one day, he called, said he'd met someone else....I was devastated).

To summarize, he said that he'd been dating someone at the same time he was seeing me, and he had to make a decision between the two of us, and in his words, he made the wrong decision. :) He said he'd been a bit weirded out by the fact that I was still married (and who can blame him?).

He asked if we could start over again.

I said yes.

(Please, oh, please, yes!)

We met at Dunn Bros. for coffee that night - he greeted me with a kiss, and it was like we'd never spent these months apart. Took a walk, sat outside for a while (yes, it was 70 degrees on April 3...).

He said that he'd always wondered what would have happened if we hadn't broken up.

I said we should find out.

We went to my place, and snuggled for a while. He kissed me and told me that he dreamed of having the opportunity again....

I've never been so happy. Please, please, please may this work...

Sometimes I do not understand....

2005-03-16T13:29:00.000-06:00

My mother.

A few weeks ago my mom and I were discussing what I should do with my wedding rings. I don't want to have them made into something else for either myself or my sisters, as that is bad karma, and I cannot trade them in at the jeweler as they are considered "diamond fashion jewelry" instead of wedding. Whatever. That is neither here nor there.

So, to get ideas, I asked my mom what she had done with her first set of weddng rings. She told me she still had them - that they were in the safe deposit box. I had actually seen them a few years ago, when my dad and I had gone in there for something, but didn't know that's what they were. I told her that, and she asked me if I'd like them. ???? As you all know, my biological father is not something that is ever discussed....I told her that I'd like to have them, but that I would like to wear them, and woudln't that make her feel weird? She said no, and the subject was dropped. I figured that she'd forget all about it, and it would be the end.
Today, she came by work to drop off some stuff for me, and had the wedding rings with her, along with the matching necklace that she said I "should have too."

I love them, and plan to wear them, and think it's really cool that my mom was finally able to get over herself enough to pass them on. It's funny that it took almost 30 years after my birth and 25 years after the divorce for her to be ok with things....

Some Fun Facts....From Sara and John

2005-02-18T11:06:00.000-06:00

A dime has 118 ridges around the edge (you may count them if you'd like )
A cat has 32 muscles in each ear.
A crocodile cannot stick out its tongue.
A dragonfly has a life span of 24 hours.
A goldfish has a memory span of three seconds.
A "jiffy" is an actual unit of time for 1/100th of a second.
A shark is the only! fish that can blink with both eyes.
A snail can sleep for three years.
Al Capone's business card said he was a used furniture dealer.
All 50 states are listed across the top of the Lincoln Memorial on the back of the $5 bill.
Almonds are a member of the peach family.
An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
Babies are born without kneecaps. They don't appear until the child reaches 2 to 6 years of age!
Butterflies taste with their feet.
Cats have over one hundred vocal sounds. Dogs only have about 10.
Dreamt" is the only English word that ends in the letters "mt".
February 1865 is the only month in recorded history not to have a full moon.
In the last 4,000 years, no new animals have been domesticated. !
If the population of China walked past you, in single file, the line would never end because of the rate of reproduction.
If you are an average American, in your whole life, you will spend an average of 6 months waiting at red lights.
It's impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.
Leonardo Da Vinci invented the scissors.
Maine is the only state whose name is just one syllable.
No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver, or
purple.
On a Canadian two dollar bill, the flag flying over the Parliament
building is an American flag.
Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never
stop growing.
Peanuts are one of the ingredients of dynamite.
Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated.
Stewardesses" is the longest word typed with only the left hand and
"lollipop" with your right.
The average person's left hand does 56% of the typing.
The cruise liner, QE2, moves only six inches for each gallon of diesel that it burns.
The microwave was invented after a researcher walked by a radar tube and
a chocolate bar melted in his pocket.
The sentence: "The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog" uses every
letter of the alphabet.
The winter of 1932 was so cold that Niagara Falls froze completely solid.
The words 'racecar,' 'kayak' and 'level' are the same whether they are read left to right or right to left (palindromes).
There are 293 ways to make change for a dollar.
There are more chickens than people in the world.
There are only four words in the English language which end in "dous":
tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and hazardous
There are two words in the English language that have all five vowels in
order: "abstemious" and "facetious."
There's no Betty Rubble in the Flintstones Chewables Vitamins.
Tigers have striped skin, not just striped fur.
TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters only on one row of the keyboard.
Winston Churchill was born in a ladies' room during a dance.
Women blink nearly twice as much as men. !
Your stomach has to produce a new layer of mucus every two weeks;
otherwise it will digest itself.
If you yell for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would produce enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.
If you fart consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.
The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.
A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death.
Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.
The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off.
The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the
length of a football field.
The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.
The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.
Right-handed people live, on average, for nine years longer than left-handed
people.
Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump.
A cat's urine glows under a black light.
Starfish have no brains.
Polar bears are left-handed.

Happy Valentine's Day

2005-02-14T15:19:00.000-06:00

From Suzanne:

My plan for Valentine's Day:

Take self out for nice dinner.
Romance self with Mexican food and salsa.
Take self home for a few drinks; try to get self slightly drunk.
Try to take advantage of myself.

My dear friend, remember that there are many kinds of love.

26 Questions Sarah Has Always Wanted Answers To....

2005-02-14T13:36:00.000-06:00

Hell, maybe some other people would like the answers, too!

1) What's the best gift you've ever received, and why?
A red umbrella for my 7th birthday - it was exactly what I wanted (I have no idea why I was so into umbrellas, but there you go). It was also the year that my mom told me that she couldn't afford to throw me a roller-skating birthday party like all of my friends were having....but then managed to arrange it and make it a surprise for me.

2) What one class would you like to re-attend (from grade school all the way up?)
Hmm....probably my 11th grade psychology class. Mrs. Partington was really cool (in my itty-bitty high school, she was also the English teacher) and taught a lot about the paranormal and cults, etc - the part that I was always really interested in. Guess it's no wonder I was an X-Phile later in life.....

3) What's the earliest phone number you've had that you can remember?
944-7330. The phone number at the house we lived in when I was 5-15.

4) Describe your mood today by telling me which album you know that would most closely match it.
"The Beauty of the Rain" Only I'd have to change it to snow. Yay for sticky, pretty snow!

5) What made you pick the institution of higher education that you attended (or did not attend)?
Well, when I graduated from high school, there were two dilemmas: (1) I didn't know if my family would be moving soon (we were in IA at the time) and (2) I did not -repeat- did not want to live at home and go to community college like my parents wanted me to. So, what did I do? We moved to MN, and I went to community college and lived at home like my parents wanted me to. (As they refused to release their financial records so I could get loans, etc, it was about my only option, as I could pay for it). After I was done at Normandale, I was going to go to the U and keep my HR job (although the U did not, at that time, have an HR major, I figured the work experience was more valuable than the actual degree). Well, I got laid off from that job the summer I finished my Associate's, so I moved down to Mankato because they were the only state (read: cheap) school that had my major.

6) Which of the following common ailments do you find most annoying, and for what reason? Chapped lips, paper cuts, blemishes.
Well, I deal with blemishes pretty much all the time, so I can't be annoyed by them too much, as it takes up too much energy/time. I'm gonna say paper cuts - they hurt like h3ll, and they are always in the MOST inconvenient place.

7) Why would you / did you befriend a disorganized, melodramatic, neurotic brainiac like me?
Cause I got you in the divorce. :)
Wow - that's a hard one. We knew each other for quite a while before we were really friends - you took me under your wing after FW left, and proved to be a marvelous human being, as well as my separated at birth twin. I know I can always talk to you and get an honest opinion - even if I don't like it. And I think that is a really rare quality and one that I value in you. And, you keep getting me hooked on new and exciting crafts, blast you. :)

8) Tell me the nicest compliment you can remember getting.
"Di has stories....and they're all true...."

9) What's the world's best scent, and why?
The smell of that special someone...I bet I could pick all of my ex's out of a lineup....

10) Why is garlic in all the dishes that are served in "romantic" restaurants?
Cause if it's really love, garlic breath doesn't matter.

11) What's the best part about the job you have right now?
Getting to help people figure out their complicated medical bills/claims, and teaching them how to do it later so that they are more informed consumers.

12) Why did women decide to toss aside their dresses and shoes for pants and workboots? How come we don't dress like ladies anymore?
I think there are two reasons: (1) as women entered the business world, they no longer wanted to dress like ladies, as that drew more attention to them as women, and less as co-workers (cause we all know women just aren't capable...). And (2), bloody uncomfortable!!

13) What do you imagine is said about you most often when you leave a room?
"Bitch"

14) Who do you most miss in your life right now?
My grandparents

15) What do you think Mona Lisa is smiling at?
Jeez, can't the poor woman have any secrets?

16) Of what ancestral heritage are you most proud to claim, and why?
My Irish - interesting history, allowance to drink all I want, and a beautiful homeland. What more can a girl want?

17) What holiday do you most dread, and why?
Thanksgiving. One reason: The Waltons all day marathon. God save me from John Boy.

18) Why, oh why, does Microsoft make god-forsaken counterintuitive products that still manage to get used in every organization I have ever worked for?
Because Bill Gates is Satan, and his supporters (ie, head honchos of corporations) need to support their won.

19) What do you think MY job entails (I know what I do, but I don't know what other people think...)
Uh, instructional design? I think you get topics that the average person should know about to do their job - but don't - and then make fun and creative training presentation for them. I bet that they walk away from those feeling refreshed, energized, and ready to do a good job as a CSR. :)

20) What ARE all the words to "It's the End of the World As We Know It?"
That’s great, it starts with an earthquake, birds and
Snakes, an aeroplane and lenny bruce is not afraid
Eye of a hurricane, listen to yourself churn - world
Serves it’s own needs, dummy serve your own needs. feed
It off an aux speak, grunt, no, strength, ladder
Start to clatter with fear fight down height. wire
In a fire, representing seven games, a government
For hire and a combat site. left of west and coming in
A hurry with the furies breathing down your neck. team
By team reporters baffled, trumped, tethered cropped
Look at that low playing! fine, then. uh oh,
Overflow, population, common food, but it’ll do. save
Yourself, serve yourself. world serves it’s own needs,
Listen to your heart bleed dummy with the rapture and
The revered and the right, right. you vitriolic,
Patriotic, slam, fight, bright light, feeling pretty
Psyched
It’s the end of the world as we know it
It’s the end of the world as we know it
It’s the end of the world as we know it and I feel fine
Six o’clock - tv hour. don’t get caught in foreign
Towers. slash and burn, return, listen to yourself
Churn. locking in, uniforming, book burning, blood
Letting. every motive escalate. automotive incinerate
Light a candle, light a votive. step down, step down
Watch your heel crush, crushed, uh-oh, this means no
Fear cavalier. renegade steer clear! a tournament,
Tournament, a tournament of lies. offer me solutions,
Offer me alternatives and I decline
(chorus)
It’s the end of the world as we know it (it’s time I had some time alone)
It’s the end of the world as we know it (it’s time I had some time alone)
It’s the end of the world as we know it and I feel fine (it’s time I had some time alone)
I feel fine
(repeat chorus)
The other night I dreamt of knives, continental
Drift divide. mountains sit in a line, leonard
Bernstein. leonid brezhnev, lenny bruce and lester
Bangs. birthday party, cheesecake, jelly bean, boom! you
Symbiotic, patriotic, slam book neck, right? right
(repeat chorus)
It’s the end of the world as we know it
It’s the end of the world as we know it
It’s the end of the world as we know it and I feel fine (it’s time I had some time alone)
(repeat chorus 2x)
Fine
It’s the end of the world as we know it (it’s time I had some time alone)

21) Tell me about a secret indulgence in which you love to partake, but not very many others know about.
Fudge Stripes. God, I love Fudge Stripes. That's why I can't have them at home - I'll eat the entire package in two days. If that.

22) What's the best "family name" you've got a claim to (IE, your uncle Egebert...)?
Jagertha VanSickle. No lie. A distant great aunt, I believe.

23) Quick - you're invited to a dinner party. What's the most tempting menu you hope to be offered?
Anything cheesy and meaty. But especially cheesey.

24) When is the last time you hand-wrote and mailed (with postage) a paper letter?
Friday. I write five letters a week to clients.

25) Think way back: what was the best art project you ever did while in school? What made it so fantastic?
I SUCKED at art. I'm not terribly creative visually, and I have zero hand eye coordination - have you SEEN my handwriting?? Probably the best thing (or the one that I remember) was a pillow I made in Home Ec in 7th grade - it matched my room (peach and green - it was the 80's). It two E's back to back - one for Edina (yes, I hail from there) and one for Elizabeth (my middle name, but I always liked it better than my first name). It's fuzzy. :)

26) You're very, very late to something incredibly important one morning, and you are also wickedly hung over. You have to choose to do only one of the following: you either get to shower or drink coffee. You can't do both; which do you pick, and why?
Shower. I may be a total bee-youch without my caffeine, but I cannot be seen in public without a shower. My hair would frighten small children, and now that it's short, I can't tame it as well as I used to be able to...

How Many Men Does It Take To Lift a Woman's Spirit?

2005-02-11T22:03:00.000-06:00

From This American Life, 1995. A woman unplugs her toaster, wraps the cord around it, and suddenly her apartment is empty.

I am two weeks away from the big move. Although I have been wanting this move for almost a year - since the day after FW left - I have found that I am unmotivated to get it going. Why?

This is IT. This apartment is the final tie to my marriage - the place we lived together the longest, the place that I came back to after others had not worked out (it was the marriage, and not the venue, that was flawed?). In two weeks, I will live in an apartment that is - for the first time in three years - mine. Fresh. With no memories. Somewhere I cannot picture him in, where he will not be allowed to be seen out of the corner of my eye. I will sleep in a bedroom where no one has been invited, and put my clothes in a closet that is only for me.

And, while I am happy to be making this move, and to leave the 60's cinder block cookie dough beige hell that I have been living in, the thought that this is the final step away from my marriage, and from the person that I thought I loved (and, for perhaps, a brief while, I really did love), gives me pause. What is left of me in this place? And what part of me will I leave behind when I slip the keys under the door?

Things I Learned About Myself

2005-02-09T20:41:00.000-06:00

It is not the goal but the way there that matters, and the harder the way the more worthwhile the journey ~ Wilfred Thesiger

The whole Dean Drama is over.

After worrying about it, and being more nervous for out meeting than for anything else I can think of in recent memory, it's all done.

I went to meet him at the Indian place by my work, and he was way late - so late that I was thinking that I'd been stood up, and was about to head to McDonald's for sustenance, and back to work. I saw him, finally, standing outside waiting for me. I leaned out the front door and asked, "You didn't think I was going to stand out here and freeze my ass off waiting for you, did you?"

We had lunch - buffet - and talked. Got caught up on what had happened in the three and a half years since we'd last seen each other (that was the first question he asked - how long as it been?). He's still cute. He's still funny. He still has a great job and loves public radio, and goes fishing for muskie.

And, during the lunch, the realization finally came to me that, despite all the thoughts to the contrary over the last three and a half years - through all the times I thought of him while I was married, and all the times I fantasized about getting back together after the marriage ended - he is not my lobster.

Maybe he was three and a half years ago. Maybe he was perfect for the 26-year-old Di, the one that wanted to save him, and was amused by his constant commentary on those around him. But the 29-year-old Di needs more, and doesn't want to live n the 'burbs, and has experienced too much to settle with someone who doesn't see things the same way. I saw that if, by some chance, he lost the two year girlfriend (with whom things are "fine", but he wants to flirt with me), that either I would be back in the same, not-quite-me wife rut, or that I wouldn't be able to satisfy him either, and in a couple of years some other old girlfriend will come out of the woodwork.

No, thanks. I'll keep looking for Lobbie (as Sarah refers to him), and be grateful that I learned my lesson.

Dream Journal 2.0

2005-02-01T22:17:00.000-06:00

If you want to see the inner workings of my brain at night, check out my new online dream journal at red-headed-stepchild-dreams.blogspot.com.