Results from LoveMonitor.com

Are you Giving or Taking?
You are Giving. You are a generous, unselfish person. This does not refer specifically to money, but also to less tangible things like your time, your help and your emotional support. You'll be best-matched with someone who's opposite to you in this respect, so look for someone who's a Taker if you want to make your life complete. You're best matched with a Taker.

Are you Committed or Free?
You are Committed. You have a tendency to seek a relationship that is close, intimate and exclusive. This can be a beautiful thing, but you should avoid making it too clinging or possessive. Committed people like yourself are likely to be happiest with a partner who is also Committed. You're best matched with another Committed person.

Are you a Boss or a Slave?
You are Slave. It would seem that you derive pleasure from serving your partner and tending to their pleasure. Men often prefer to be the boss, and women to be the slave, but we can all think of notable reversals on this pattern. As a Slave, you'll almost certainly be most content in a relationship with someone who has a personality which is more dominant than yours. You're best matched with a Boss.

Are you Quiet or Exciting?
You are Quiet. In general you tend to be a quieter, retiring, introvert personality and you'll do best with someone else who is similarly inclined. You could therefore share subdued interests such as reading or golf. You're best matched with another Quiet person.

The best way out....

...is through, to paraphrase the Robert Frost quote that Sarah emailed me this morning.

And what am I trying to get through? Well, life in general is a bit sucky right now, and I am feeling a bit "why-me" ish. The major categories:

Work
Busy. Lots and lots of meeting from now until December 20. And lots of office politic-y drama, which I bloody hate. And, to keep me nice and confused, the starter of all of the drama, and instigator of lots of gossip, was especially nice to me today, which makes me paranoid, because most days I barely get anything unless she wants something. Maybe she wants something. And, just because I am feeling petty, the payroll schedule is changing from semi-monthly to bi-weekly. Ok, maybe I'm a freak, but I loved being able to budget semi-monthly!! Although, there is that third paycheck phenomena that I seem to remember being pretty cool....

Divorce
Not yet final.

Apartment
Not looking good. Got a call from the caretaker yesterday who informed me that not only is my credit crap (duh), but that there is a notation on my credit report that we "skipped" out on the apartment in Minneapolis (ah, yes, Brad strikes again). So, they will rent to me if I either (a) pay double damage deposit (uh, don't have it), or (b) get a cosigner (not ready for that one yet). They are not "denying" me, but they want to do more "research". Even best case scenario, there ain't no way that I am moving in January. Which completely sucks.

Carla's Wedding
Still on, but I kind of want to kick her mother-in-law for making her so uptight about the whole thing. Damn it, weddings are supposed to be fun, and it just never seems like that for the poor bride.

Dating
Sucks a**. Haven't heard from Andrew in ages. Guess he's done with me. Can't even get other boys to reply to my emails. And, being bloated, I'm feeling pretty darn unattractive. And, for some reason, I really, really don't want to sleep alone tonight. I don't want sex or anything (well, I guess I wouldn't turn it down), I'd just like to not be alone at this point in my life, and be able to curl up to someone in our bed, and feel him against me all night. I miss being loved, and am not quite sure how to find it. And right now not feeling terribly confident that I ever will.

In conclusion
For the last almost year, it seems that everytime I get a little bit ahead, or make any kind of plans, or am a bit excited about something, Fate slaps me upside the head and says, "Bitch, who's in charge here?" and puts everything back the way she likes it. I'm getting irritated with her. But, that obnoxious optimistic side of my personality (the one that keeps my head out of the oven) tells me that this is all happening for a reason, that I will be a better person for it, and that everything will work out the way that it is supposed to.

That side had better be right.

My Life Rating

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My life is rated NC-17.
What is your life rated?


I'm not surprised - are you?

Paranoia

One thing that I hate about myself: I get so excited about something, and then it doesn't come to fruition (or just doesn't go the way I thought it would), and then I am not only broken-hearted, but then angry at myself about being so excited in the first place, and setting myself up for a disappointment. So, knowing that about myself makes me question every friggin' little thing so that I am NOT disappointed, and that leads to paranoia.

Damn me.

So, why the rant? Because I am currently in the state of paranoia about Andrew. To recap: first date a week ago Sunday. Fabulous time all last week - saw him four times. Spend the night on Saturday/Sunday at his house, after which he scraped my windows and told me it was "his job" (sigh). When I asked if I would talk to him later, he said "yes" in a way that made me think that I would.

Haven't heard from him since. And have I called him? No, because I am worried that I have scared him off with a couple of questions that I asked him on Saturday ("Am I the only person you're dating?" "Do you like me as much with my clothes on?") and/or that I will be too forward and/or that he is going to tell me that he's met someone else (like the last half dozen boys that I've liked have). Paranoia.

And is there a reasonable explanation for why I haven't heard from him? Probably. Am I too scared to find out what it is? Yes. Am I an idiot? Very possibly.

Damn it. I hate, hate, hate having to date again.

Sigh.....

Andrew. Sigh.

So, we went out on our first date last Sunday night (Olive Garden, Burnsville). I was not terribly interested in going, as he seemed a bit boring...real short emails, quick phone conversations....just wasn't sure what to think of that.

But, it turns out that he's actually just kind of a quiet guy (which I can deal with) and we had a good time at Olive Garden (of note: the waitress that was over 70 if she was a day - couldn't carry her own tray - was of some fun to us). Invited him back Chez Di for a movie (he picked American Beauty - excellent choice), and he ended up spending the night. :)

Saw him again briefly Wednesday night, when I got back from Meeker County, and then again Friday night when he joined Sarah and I for dinner at my place (spaghetti - I thought it was a damn poor effort, but they liked it).

Last night, he decided to take off work (he's a nursing assistant at Fairview Southdale (where I also used to work) because he and a friend got tickets to the Vikings game today, and he wanted to go tailgating. So, after Sara's Tastefully Simple party (consultant: John Haggerty) and our jaunt to go see Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason (excellently funny), I went to his abode and spent the night. Sigh. He's amazing. And starting to open up a bit, which I am really, really liking. Cute. Great kisser (and other things). Funny. Sweet. Sigh.

This morning, there was frost on my windows, and he scraped them for me. I thanked him, and he replied with, "That's my job."

Aw. I think I'll keep him around. Sigh.

You'd think for $200 an hour....

For f**k's sake. Two weeks ago, I made the appointment to visit FW's lawyer to have the papers signed. I stipulated that I had to see them before I got to the office (check) and that he had been in to sign them before me (check). Went in, signed my ENTIRE name about 15 times (must remember not to keep all names ever had if I get married again!), cried a bit, and left.

The next morning, Friday, I get a call from Lori the Lawyer's assistant, who informed me that they had forgotten to get me to sign one of the pages ("It must have stuck to one of the other ones!") and I had to come back in, that day....or I'd have to appear in court on Monday afternoon. After some haggling, I did indeed go back in.

So, finally, everything is signed, sealed, and delivered to the court. I have given the County of Hennepin the best $247 I've ever spent, and I'll be a Free Woman within a couple of weeks....stay tuned to this channel for updates. :)

In Other News....

Carla's Getting Married!!!!

Carla and Aaron have decided to elope - to their own living room - on December 18. Yay! Not only do these wonderful people get married, but I get to wear the dress from Barb's wedding again! (Ok, that's exciting, but not as exciting as a wedding!).

Carla is coming up next weekend to help me purge and pack, and we are going to discuss wedding-y stuff then. We need to get her living room decorated, a wrap, and decide on her announcements, which I have volunteered to make for her (when, not sure, but it will get done).

Yay!

I Value Women Over 30

From Sam....by Andy Rooney

As I grow in age, I value women who are over 30 most of all. Here are just a few reasons why:

A woman over 30 will never wake you in the middle of the night to ask, "What are you thinking?" She doesn't care what you think. If a woman over 30 doesn't want to watch the game, she doesn't sit around whining about it. She does something she wants to do. And, it's usually something more interesting. A woman over 30 knows herself well enough to be assured in who she is, what she is, what she wants and from whom. Few women past the age of 30 give a damn what you might think about her or what she's doing.

Women over 30 are dignified. They seldom have a screaming match with you at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant. Of course, if you deserve it, they won't hesitate to shoot you, if they think they can get away with it.

Older women are generous with praise, often undeserved. They know what it's like to be unappreciated.

Once you get past a wrinkle or two, a woman over 30 is far sexier than her younger counterpart. Older women are forthright and honest. They'll tell you right off you are a jerk if you are acting like one! You don't ever have to wonder where you stand with her. Yes, we praise men over 30 for a multitude of reasons. Unfortunately, it's not reciprocal.

For every stunning, smart, well-coiffed hot woman of 30+, there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of himself with some 22-year-old waitress. Ladies, I apologize. For all those men who say, "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free". Here's an update for you. Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage, why?

Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire Pig, just to get a little sausage...

End of an Era (and not the laundry detergent)

Today, I signed my divorce papers.

They are filed. He has signed. I have signed. It has been paid for. Just need a judge to sign and I will be a Divorcee.

I'm not as happy about it as I thought I would be.

Preparations for a New Life

Yay! Only four days to go until the papers actually get signed! I talked to the lawyer on Friday, and found that I actually have to file the original paperwork that I filed out, and pay my $245 filing fee. Then, I sign on Thursday, and she'll file on Friday (hopefully). According to her estimate, it will be final in three weeks - tops.

As such, the Great Apartment Hunt started yesterday. Sarah and I went and checked out some swell areas of St. Paul (in the Grand Avenue/St. Thomas/St. Katherine areas) and wrote down a bunch of possibilities. I called on some this morning, and so far the main problem seems to be the lack of a dining room (or a sizable dining room) in a lot of those places. With Grandma Hank's massive furniture, I need somewhere to put it. I continue to be amazed at the low prices of rentals (yay!) - I called on a beautiful duplex yesterday that had two bedrooms and a basement family room type thing, and it was only $1,100 (but had been on the market so long, they were willing to haggle). It's much more money and room than I want, but a FANTASTIC deal. Everything else has been below what I was hoping to pay, and far below what I would pay if need be.

I do have an appointment to look at a place tomorrow night, so we'll see how that looks.

In dating news: I have decided that Andy is a bit too scarred to pursue at this time, but we remain friends, and talk a few times a week (mostly by email).

Nathan, the long haired bloke, has been a bit distant, and I'm not sure what's up with him. Although he hasn't called in a few days, I have been included in a couple of emails from him - one on the election and one to help advertise an upcoming show that he's producing (no desire to go and see someone who was once with Anthrax...). I don't know about him. Nice, sexy (damn it, I am a child of the 80's...I LOVE long hair!). We'll see.

Have a date with Andrew the nurse tonight. Olive Garden in Burnsville. He'd better be more fun than he is on the phone. Shy, I can deal with. Boring needs to go away.

No, really, this time I AM getting divorced!

Yay! I have a new update!

FW has said that he will pay the entire tax bill, and I have agreed to get this done with. I go to sign the papers on the 18th!!!! I'm going to be divorced! I'm going to be divorced!

Of course, I still want him to pay the filing fees, and I want him to declare himself the Petitioner and myself the respondent (after all, he hired the damn lawyer, so he can be listed as the one who started it).

Much more to report, but short on time. Been out of town, and going back out tomorrow morning. More to follow....